Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Christmas 2007

Christmas is over!   I say that with a sigh of relief, and also with a little sadness.  Time passes by us so quickly.   I spent the last week in Georgia and it really flew.   From my welcome which was one of the best ever.   I walked in the door, and was greeted by Autumn, Eli, and Ethan all rushing me at once, I got down on my knees, and they actually all jumped on me at once, I was on the floor laying there with them all on me.   It kind of felt like a good tackle.   Yes, the back is still fine, and holding up.   As you can probably tell I’ve been reflective since my birthday, so Christmas was no different for me this year.   I’ve thought of my childhood Christmas’s.   Those I shared with those I loved in the past.    And the past three with Mike.   Also my first one without him in it.   I let myself be sad one day for as long as I wanted before I went home.  It still hits me at times, like when my dad asks about him.   Not even knowing Mike and I don’t still live together.   I don’t even have the relationship with my dad that I have been able to share anything with him like that.   Or I have chosen not to share that part of my life with him.    I did get a text from Mike wishing me a Merry Christmas, sending hugs and blessings.   I wish him all those things too, but still continue feeling myself letting go more and more with each day.   I’m glad I have let myself process through this instead of jumping back into another relationship as I may have done in the past, either that or the other extreme and shut myself off from the world as I did years ago, before I met Mike.   I’m happy to say I havn’t done that.   I’ve got a lot to look forward to for this new year.    More on some of those things later.    I feel like this entry was getting a little weepy.   I guess I needed to let the melancholy out.There’s nothing like the eyes of those who unconditionally love you as my family.   I find my heart full and thankful for such wonderful people in my life.    My first night home all three of the kids spent the night.   I read them stories till they fell asleep at midnight.   The next day I spent the day with them playing, and took them to my mom’s, we rode around on the golf cart, and played games.   Told them more stories and just enjoyed them, and seeing the individuals they are growing into.   We had a little fun with some bridges looking for trolls.  Ethan was a little scared, but he had fun.    I came home to a wonderful surprise 40 birthday party my sister Sherry had planned, she went all out.   She had so many wonderful appetizers and food and drink.   We celebrated and had such a wonderful time.  I’m so thankful for my sister.   She has the biggest heart and is the most giving of any individual I know.    She does so much for all of us, and sometimes I don’t think we appreciate her enough for all that she does.   She loves being the entertainer, but I know it is hard for her.  I hope she knows how much I appreciate her.   I enjoyed a beautiful, but cold day with my mother.   We rode out to her mother’s and visited the past.   We picked roses that were in bloom in the middle of the winder, they were red with the tips a blueish purple.   We then rode to my Nana’s grave and put them there.   She doesn’t show it, but I know she misses Nana.   I thought of myself oneday being without my own mother.   Thinking one day I may be putting flowers on her’s.  I feel tears, but I make the thought go away so I don’t cry.    We have the best mother, words sometimes cannot describe her love for us.  She’s always been by our side, giving her support and confidence to give us help.  For as long as I can remember she was the person I looked up to.   Such a strong lady, like most of the women in my life.   So sweet, so senstitive, so pretty.   She still is these things to me today, still full of laughter, still full of tears, but mostly full of love.   Whatever I become I think it is because of her, and I thank her forever for our relationship.  We spent Christmas eve lunch with my dad and Jane and her children.   The food was so good.   We had fun, all the kids played outside, climbing trees, and playing outside.   Daddy looks like he really enjoyed us all being there with him.   It seems rushed to me, I feel a certain amount of relaxation, but it’s time to go before I really feel like I’m connecting with him.   Christmas Eve night we had another wonderful meal at Sherry’s.   Sherry and Lance’s girlfriend Amy cooked so much wonderful food.    I couldn’t seem to quit eating during the holidays, I gained ten pounds at least, maybe more.   Dena gave me this really sweet letter she wrote me on Christmas eve.  It was really beautiful.  I wish I’d given her a journal or something so she could write more, she used to write poetry and things years ago but she says she doesn’t write like she used too.  It was really touching.    We sang Christmas songs the night of my party, her husband Andy played the guitar, the next day we went to their church, they were leading praise and worship, Andy playing and both of them singing.  I love hearing them sing.  My brother Lance is eternally the baby of our family.   He’s quite a man.    But that little kid is still so alive in him.    I watch him with Autumn, and Amy’s two boys.   He’s really good with them, and I can’t wait till he has a son in a few months.   I never feel like I get to talk to him like I want too.   Sometimes it’s hard for us to really connect.   Not sure what it is.   Maybe it’s just a man thing.   But I do see the love in his eyes.   He’s a good dad and such a hard worker.   He was funny Christmas morning, he got Autumn all these video games and of course the Dance Revolution game, or whatever it’s called the one you see people dancing too in the movie theatres, where they are moving their legs in the different dance moves.    He was loving playing it, I kept saying where’s Lance, and I’d go back to Autumn’s room and there he was dancing to it.   He really is a kid at heart.  The children, they really have my heart.  It’s really seeing it through their eyes, and seeing how much they are enjoying it.   Seeing how happy they are!   Each one of them bring so much happiness to me when I’m with them.   It’s always a little adventure, and it does wear me out, I don’t see how my siblings do it all the time.    I’ll write more about the kids in another entry.  This season I find myself very thankful.    I havn’t really written a lot lately, but I am thankful for my church, for their support and love.   They are my second family and I love each one of them so much.   They all supported me when I sang in the Christmas concert for the “First Coast Chorus” and it was so good looking out in the audience to see familiar faces that loved and supported me.    This past week we sang carols over at Berry and Susan’s, while the hayrides with the big horses rode by.   Turk went and got me the most beautiful birthday cake and they all surprised me during the middle of singing Christmas songs by bringing out the cake and singing Happy Birthday and celebrating my 40th.  He and Karl were sneaky getting that one past me.   I’m thankful for everyone that has come in my path.   I’m thankfull for all of my blogger friends.   I didn’t sent out cards this year, hopefully I will next year, thank you guys who I got cards from.   Also a special thank you to Robert at  http://allthingsbutnone.com/journal/  I received the most beautiful cd of music that he made for me.   It was one of my highlights sitting and enjoying it.   Thank you again Robert!   Most of all I’m thankful for Jesus who was born a baby.  I sure would have loved to of seen that special night, and all that love. 

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, blessing to all and I hope you all have a prosperous New Year.

Oh and how can I forget the newest member of the family, little Isabella,(Izzy)  she’s the sweetest little ball of fur, she is a welcome addition to the family.   She’s so sweet, and took a few little naps with her Uncle Derek. Lots more pictures to be added later, I'm just too sleepy to add them at the moment.

2 comments:

mosie1944 said...

I wondered what on earth happened to you!  May the coming year be the best ever for you.

barbpinion said...

Hello, dear one. I cried while reading this; felt so bad for you. I've lost touch with so many people (you being one of them), so was not aware that you were no longer with Mike. I remember reading your entries when the two of you were together, thinking how happy you were. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when this first happened. Please know that I am now, am but an email away any time, okay? One of the things I love about you is your complete devotion to your family, and theirs for one another. Your family is the kind most people dream of having. Your Mom is so much like my Mother was: her heart as huge as the outdoors, as warm as the sunshine. You keep your chin up, okay. Don't ever give up on your dreams or forget how truly talented you are. You are one very special fella, and I love you dearly....as do many in J-land.
Big hugs, and may the Lord be with you always.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK
        http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/FROMBARBSSPIRITUALJOURNALS