Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Many of you out there in J-Land are complete strangers to me, so I just wanted to let all you know how touched I am when I get a comment or an email from you guys.  Whether it be words of encouragement, words of comfort, or just words saying hello.  It just does my soul good.  It reminds me of the joy of being par of Christ’s body.  Mike and I were reading the bible last night.  It felt good sharing that with someone.  We both looked for about 10 minutes and found something we wanted to read to each other.  I feel like every believer has been give a specific gift or gifts by God to use in building up others- prophesy, ministering, teaching, giving, leading, and showing mercy.  But all of us are to “be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love and to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.  I know many times, me included hesitate to reach out to someone we don’t know.  We wonder if it is appropriate or if it will mean anything to the person.  But these notes or comments as we call them do for me.  They remind us how much it means to be touched by a stranger


Like refreshing rain in summer or the gentle breeze in spring, Just a little gift of kindness.  Joy to someone’s heart can bring.”  Hess


Monday, May 30, 2005

Clean and Empty beach house

I spent 7 hours today cleaning the beach house, at least I got my deposit back, so it was worth every minute.  Mike's neck is still hurting bad, he hasn't been able to do much.  Hope he feels better soon, I know pain is always hard.  I've enjoyed the day.  When I got back, I got a few things unpacked.  I cooked dinner, have most of the kitchen unpacked.  I think it looks really good.  It's a nice feeling, much like I felt when I moved to the beach.  We just read some from the bible earlier.  Funny we both picked verses that had to do with "Children of the Light".  This picture I took of Mike and Mark's dad.  Mike was a big "Dukes of Hazzard" fan, so he grabbed me and said take a picture of me with Mark's dad.  Sonny was all too happy to get his picture taken.   He's a really nice man.  I'm a little pooped now, I could probably go to bed and crash already, I don't want to go back to work.  Well yes, I do. 

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Moving Day

Well I havn't been writing as much because I've been busy moving.  Dena, Andy, Eli, and Ethan came down for the weekend and stayed the last few days at the beachhouse, I gave them my couch, chairs, bakers rack, and some other stuff.  It's been great seeing Dena three weeks in a row.  She said the same thing.  I sure love them.  The boys are so cute, and Eli loved the beach. I got some great  shots of the boys, and unfortunately I lost them when I put them on my scandisc, something about the way I formatted the disc, makes me so mad.  I lost some really good shots.  Other than that everything went smoothly.  Yesterday and today we got everything moved into Mike and my place in Riverside.   I cleaned the kitchen today, and got the bedroom all ready.  Now the living room still looks like Sandford and Son.  There's a little maze to get aroun.  Tommorow I'm hoping I will get the cleaning done of the beach place and get back my deposit.  Then it's onward and forward.  Poor Mike's neck is out.  I'm so glad to have my bed here.   Well peace everyone.  Hope to be getting caught up on things soon so I will have time to get back to reading everyone's journal.

Day 5 Wedding Day

Wedding Day started off a little hectic.  Trying to do too much, had to meet Dayrl and Troy at Neverland Farms early, then go back to the cabin and get ready.  But after that it was a breeze.  We couldn't of asked for a more beautiful day, there was a nice breeze in the air.  It was somewhat surreal, and everything seemed to be happening so fast.  The bridal cabin where the girls were getting ready was beautiful.  I actually got dressed in the woods.  :)  I walked down to the wedding site by myself and was just filled with good vibes and energy from all around me.  I got down and saw Mike was already taking lots of pictures.  I hugged lots of necks.  Sam Pacetti was already playing the guitar, and everyone was just waiting for Sherry, Mama, and Autumn to ride up in the carriage, when they were in site, I saw Autumn smiling big and waving.  Daddy was waiting for them, and helped them out of the carriage.  They looked so good.  I saw Mama was already crying.  She got out and just seemed to be wondering around a bit.  Mama and Daddy were supposed to walk Sherry down the isle, but Mama was so nervous she walked up the isle by herself and sat down.  Then I heard Sherry say Mama you left me.  So she got up and waited for them to come down the isle.  I was moved to tears just seeing Sherry and how beautiful she was.  I had to stand up and take some pictures just to make myself quit crying.  Autumn was perfect, and walked down the isle throwing her flowers.  Eli got tired and sat down halfway through the cermony.  Just as quickly as it started it was over.  The reception afterwards was festive.  Sam played lots of music.  We ate like kings and queens.  Family and friends stayed and danced and ate and drank.  It was lots of fun.  Sherry and Mark actually spent their honeymoon night with us, and they got up early to catch a plane for their honeymoon to SanFrancisco.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Day 4


This was a full day.  I was awaken by the sound of laughing children.  I got up and fed Ethan, he is so big, he’s only a couple pounds lighter than Eli,  Eli never eats.  I think I bribed him by telling him for every bite of his hamburger I would get him a piece of candy.  He took two bites.  He loves candy though.  Autumn was being really sweet.  Mike and I left early so we could get some shopping done,  he bought the most beautiful quilt I’ve seen, we got soybean candles, rugs, wine, and some other things.  We had lunch at a nice German restaurant.  I had potato pancakes, and Mike had spetzuls.  We left and I got my first viewing of Neverland Farms for the wedding rehersal.  It just blew me away.  I went crazy taking pictures.  They speak for theirself.  I’ll post them later today or tomorrow.   Mike had fun with the camera too.  I took Autumn and Eli to play with the ponies.  They laughed so hard.  I told them to whisper in his ear their names, and the pony would remember their names forever.  The rehersal was short, and we did a quick little runthrough.  I was mainly interesting in exploring.  I could of spent the rest of the day there.  But it was time for the picnic in. Sherry’s good friend Casey and Mama’s husband were steady grilling hamburgers and hotdogs.  There were lots of goodies for everyone.  Lots of children playing in the water.  I saw many cousins and family and friends, but my biggest surprise was my best friend David, my longest friend, from 9th grade till now.  He came with his wife Noel.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to see them.  We all ate, and Mike, David, Noel, and I went for a long walk to a bridge on the river and talked. Poor Mike’s foot was hurting him so bad, but he took the walk with stride, and I helped him down the hard bumps.   By the time we made it back, everyone was packed and gone.  Onlything left was a flyfisherman where the kids were playing.  So the four of us went to a pub had some beer and talked some more.  Then we all went up to the lodge, and partied some more.  It was a great night, Sherry was really happy David had come too and felt really honored he came.  After staying up way too late, especially since there was going to be a big wedding the next day.  We all decided it was time to go to bed. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Day 3

Well I would say I woke up on day 3, but I never got to sleep on night 2,  after everyone went to bed, this huge storm came up.  I got up while everyone was sleeping, and watched the most amazing electrical storm I’ve ever witnessed, since we were on top of the mountain of course it was eye level with me.  I would have taken pictures but had left the camera in the truck.   I watched it for almost two hours.  I about dozed off on the couch, and finally went to bed around 5:30 am.  Everyone was up by 8:00.  So I got up, all of us went into Helen, Georgia, where we were staying, and had an awesome lunch by the river going through Helen.  I loved this little German town.  Everything about it was fairytale, reminded me of Hansel and Gretel.  After lunch, Mike and I had an awesome walk through town for shopping, Sherry, mom, and Lance, had to go to Gainesville to get Lance something to wear for the wedding.  We found so many shops that we loved, and decided what all we wanted.  We told Dena and Andy we would watch the kids later so they could go out shopping, so the rest of the day was spent with three kids, ages 7months to 5 years.  Honestly this was one of the highlights to the trip.  I feel at ease with the kids.  Maybe because I’m just a kid at heart.  They were sweet.  I held Ethan most of the time, Mike fed him a bottle, and I fed him a bottle.  We took them out on the balcony and looked out into the sky, and I told them stories.  We all enjoyed a beautiful view.  Then Mike came back from a walk in the woods, with a walking stick, and we all took a walk.  Everyone was back home by 9:00 raring to go, except me.  The night of staying up late with no sleep, and babysitting had done it’s toll on me, I was out by 10:00.  I'll add pictures when I get home from work.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Day two

Mike and I got up really early, and went to town to go shopping for ties and shirts, and to get haircuts, the lady cutting Mike's hair was a beauty queen from my high school days, so I surprised her when I said didn't you used to be Miss Sweet Potato.  I think Mike got a trip at the small town humor and the diffrences between WalMart in a small town, and a big city.  We made it back home to get the truck loaded down with Sherry and mom's suitcase, and made it on the road by 1:00.  I drove the 6 hours up there, it was kind of like "The Amazing Race",  we hit that rush hour traffic at 5 in Atlanta, Mike was a wreck, he'd never seen traffic like that.  I was a little tense myself since I was driving.  We made it through the crazy traffic, and up to Helen where we stayed.  Mike and I made it too the key and the map first, so we left a copy of the map, and a note saying we got the key and was going to go ahead and make it to the cabin.  Unfortunately we got lost, and passed our turn, so we showed up a hour or so later, where we found Mama, Sherry, Lance, and Autumn waiting paitiently.  We were then informed that some of the women in my family had to do a bear in the woods experience.  So watch your step if you take a walk in the woods.  I think Autumn was just trying to be just like Sherry.  Yes the bride to be had to take one in the woods, which we all had big laughs about later.  We walked in to our beautiful cabin, and our breath was just taken away.  Our view was spectacular.  We went to the grocery store and ate well.  We all stayed up late talking and enjoying the scenery.

Day one

I decided to break things up day by day, since I've been gone since last Wednesday, Day one was Wednesday of last week. After a long day at work for both Mike and I, we both got home around 6:00, took Abby over to our friends Mike and James, they kept the baby for the week.  Yep, I missed her too.  We finally got on the road, I drove all the way to my hometown, Mike had drove all day long for work, so he was tired of driving I'm sure.  He kept saying are we there yet, well 3 hours later we made it to Sherry's where we crashed as soon as we gave everyone hugs.  Autumn had waited up Sherry said as long as she could, she was asleep on the couch when I got there. 

All in the Family

I never realized how much my dad and my stepdad look like each other till I saw this picture. 

The four of us

Here we are just the four of us. What a full weekend we had.  I have so many stories, just got to sort them all out and figure out how I'm going to tell the story.  A fairytale.

Sherry and Mark

Well they are off somewhere in SanFrancisco, probably doing some wine tasting in the Nappa Valley.  Don't they look great?

Monday, May 23, 2005

I'm back

I'm back, I'm so tired, but had to post at least one beautiful picture of my sister.  Before I take a shower and crash.  We just got in after a long trip back home and putting over 1000 miles on Mike's truck.  I'll be posting more pictures later.

Thanks for all your prayers,  Sherry and Mark had a beautiful wedding, and Mike and I had so much fun with my family.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


As a little kid, Peter Pan was one of my favorite stories, this place called Neverland sounded so interesting and magical.  Well that's where we're headed.  Off to Neverland, this is where my sister is getting married.  I hope it's as magical as it was for me as a kid.  So no postings for a while until I get back Monday of next week.  I promise I will take lots of pictures.  Well I'm flying away!  See you guys when we get back!


Still Time I need some

I never realized how much I multitask until I was told today I couldn’t.  I had someone sitting with me today, that was measuring so to speak all my duties, and how long it took me to do everything.  She sat with a stopwatch, and every time I began a duty she timed me.  From the small and mundane to the long and drawn out.  But the one rule was you cannot multitask.  I was at a loss, because I realized this is what I do all day long.  The first 10 minutes were the hardest, because I was trying to take calls and read my emails and she grabbed my shirt and said, I told you you cannot multitask.  I realized I juggle all day from the time I get to work, till I leave, literally.  I guess many of us multitask, whoever you are.  The task of completing the mundane stuff of life usually falls in the laps of women I’m guessing-especially mothers.  My sister Dena was telling me some things she was doing raising two boys.  She’s queen of the multitasker.  So I guess women of the 21st century have all sorts of things in the air at once- from frying pans and strollers to appointment calendars and mortgage payments.  I guess this really goes for anyone.  It can all become quite overwhelming.  No wonder I have pains in my neck when I get home.  Actually after the day was over, and I had spend a day of not multitasking, and still getting my job done, I started rethinking some things.  Maybe I’m just overwhelming myself.  Society places a premium on those who can maintain a hectic schedule and get it all done.  So when we pause to sit, reading an email about Jesus or whatever, we are considered unproductive.  I don’t really know how much things have changed from years ago.  I think about my own family, and how my father didn’t help my mom much around the house.  She was always doing everything.  I don’t know if he even appreciated it.  I feel I’m jumping around a lot, I guess I’m just say maybe we don’t have to juggle so hard, but sometimes maybe we have to, I’m not a mother, but I can definitely respect all that a woman has to juggle, maybe because I grew up in a house full of women, and just saw it.  Funny I didn’t see it as well then as I can now.  Not sure if I’m getting everything I want to say through.  Many distractions going on today.  Many thoughts of the week to come.  I need some still time

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

My pinecomb

A friend of mine from work just got back from her hometown in Argentina, she was showing me pictures of the art, the building, the cities, she had been gone from there many years, and had gone home.  She talked about growing up there and how it had changed, so guess I’m not the only one thinking about change today.  On one of the things she brought back one was brochure like thing at a mall with Art, looked like a museum, and I saw something about a poet named Neruda.  So of course I do what I always do I put in a search for Pablo Neruda.  I’m a poet hound, especially poets from different countries, and their wording.   This guy actually won a Nobel prize.  Interesting for sure.  Then I found a biography, he said he was a sad, lonely, and unhappy child, with no siblings, and no friends.  One day he went investigating in his backyard of his home and discovered a hole in the fence surrounding the yard.  Suddenly a small hand reached out towards him from the other side of the fence.  Then just as suddenly the hand was gone.  On the ground was a small toy sheep.  Pablo ran inside the house and brought back the best thing he had-a pinecomb.  He set it down in the same place and ran off with his sheep.  That toy lamb became his most cherished possession.  He said that the exchange brough home to him a profound yet simple fact: To know that you are cared for by someone is one of life’s greatest gifts.  “This small and mysterious exchange of gifts remained inside of him, he said, “deep and indestructible.”  After I read this story about him,  I’m feeling like this is the feeling I’m talking about I have inside, the one that knows someone cares, and there is something greater than myself.  Makes me think of God’s gift to us.  His son that he sent to us.  Let me go get my pine cone.  Makes me think what am I giving back?   I woke up this morning in prayer or trance or something, I saw something, I can’t seem to remember, but it was beautiful.  Gold light shining making my face warm.  I want to give back more than I have.  Because I sure have received a lot

Change, Change, Change

Change, change, change.  It is one thing we can be sure of in this life that’s for sure.  I wrote a poem once about it, I’ll have to search my poems and see if I can find it.  I was going to say I’m not sure why I’m thinking about this, but I think I know.  I’m thinking about last year, and the changes from this year.  Everything changes, our relationships change as we move to new places, experiences, and ultimately face death.  Sorry didn’t want to bring up the d word.  But it’s true.  Guess writing about Dr. Edwards, got me thinking.  I wake up look in the mirror, even that changes, lines on my face, my skin.  Changes.  Change and decay in all around I see.  That’s from a song.  Somethings don’t change, God’s love for us.  He’s always there to depnd on, to be the same forever.  So I guess yes I can get caught up in the tides of time, but I know I can rest in those arms that I may not see, but are holding me.  Maybe change doesn’t have to be so scary after all. 

Saturday Six on Tuesday

1. How many scars do you have on your body?  Where are they?

Three, one from a dog bite, it left me with a cross right beside my left eye. I have one on my hand, and another on my left cheek, where I had to have a mole removed.  That’s it besided the chicken pox scar

2. What is the last junk food you ate in such large quantity that you actually felt guilty afterwards?
Chocolate delight

3. What is the closest spot to your home where you go when you feel like you need an afternoon escape?The St. John’s River 

4. Of those in your collection, what movie have you watched the most times?
Big Fish

5. Have you ever felt discriminated against?  What about you do you believe led to the discrimination? Can’t say that I have, maybe looked at funny, but that’s about it

6. RAPID FIRE QUESTION #3:  Have you ever hired a:
    a. Maid 
    b. Lawyer yes
    c. Chauffer  yes
    d. Plumber  no
    e. Photographer  no
    f. Realtor  no
    g. Gardener  yes
    h. Personal Trainer  yes
    i. Psychic/Spirtual Advisor  yes
    j. Mortician 

Monday, May 16, 2005

Dawn's 20 questions

20 Questions.  from Dawn at http://journals.aol.com/spunkyxmasangel/EverythingUndertheSun/

So,it's that time again.  20 Questions. 

1. What's your favorite store to go shopping in?  I'm not a big shopper, but I do like Barnes and Nables.

2. What was/is your favorite subject in school? History 

3. You got to spend a week in a fellow bloggers' hometown so where do you go and what do you do?  Washington State.

4. What's the grossest tv dinner you've ever had?  a bad chicken pot pie.

5. If you could go back in time and meet one historical figure who'd you pick?  Abraham Lincoln

 6. Name one bad habbit you wish you could break?  Biting my finger nails. 

7. Who was your lease favorite teacher in school? Coach Collins 

 8. Have you ever stolen anything? NO

9. What's your current favorite band? Indigo Girls 

10. What talent do you most wish you had? Play the piano.

 11. Who would you most like to spend the day with at this moment? The person I'm spending it with, Mike. 

12. List three blogs you read.  Judith Heartsong,  Happenings During the Air that I breath, and Barb's Both Sides of the Coin

13. Whose your favorite painter? Monet. 

14. Whose your favorite author? Tennessee Williams

15. What do you feel is the most important quality in a friend? Honesty

16. Have you started watching any new tv shows? Grey's Anatomy

17. What tv show do you feel should be cancelled immedately? The Simple Life. 

 18. Log cabin or Beach-front Condo?  Both 

 19. If you could design the perfect outfit for yourself what would it look like? Something very comfortable.

20. What kind of room would you add? An art room

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Pictures from this weekend

Here's some pictures from the weekend.  Everyone has made it back home safely.  I'm so proud of my sister's.  It was so good seeing them.  Even if it was "Girls Gone Wild" weekend.  They were lots of fun, and I enjoyed spending time with them.  Mike really enjoyed it too.  I'm looking forward to this coming up weekend.

The Final Lesson

John's Weekend Assignment #59: Teachers Worth Remembering

Here it is: The assignment pre-empted by Mother's Day:

Weekend Assignment #59: We've all had teachers who have made a difference in our lives. Tell us about one of yours. It can be a teacher from any level of education, from kindergarten to graduate school.

When I met Dr Ernest Edwards, professor of music at ABAC I was a freshman in College.  For months I had heard of this distinguished man and read some of his poetry and stories.  I was acting in "Hold Me", by Jules Pfeiffer, he had come to practice piano, as he was leaving he came up to me and complimented me on something, and I thanked him.  He taught music appreciation.  I've had many wonderful teachers, that taught me many things.  But this lesson was something I learned and guess I'm still learning every day.  Music was never my best class, and was a class that I just had to take for my core curriculem.  So I never imagined I would learn something much larger than music.  I was a freshman in college, and actually became friends with a man who was friend with Dr. Edwards.  He invited me to have dinner with this man, I accepted, and fretted over how I would feel sitting down and breaking bread with someone so bright, a philosopher, a poet, a writer of song and stories.  Would I even be able to bring anything to the conversation.  So you can see I was scared of him at first.  I soon grew to know him for the wonderful person he is and will love him forever.  He used to call me "Beautiful One".  He's the beautiful one.  I learned a lot about life through him.  He wrote a short story that he had a very personal viewpoint which begins with the question- "If love is what we all want, then why are we so afraid of it."  He wrote of regardless of our earthly years our time here is quickly running out and how we must try to fill them with the best life has to offer.  His eyes have seen the light, the truth-he's seen houses decay, cars fall apart and realized they are only temporary.  Things that last are like he says, "the friends who have stood by us through the years, people who have loved us, and whom we have loved.  Things can be replaced, people cannot.  The smile, the touch of hand, the embrace of someone we love, and who loves us.  He's right. He helped shape a lot of my values in life.  His final lesson was "When all of life has been measured and sifted and simplified, we truly realize that nothing else matters as does love."  He was a teacher over thirty years, I havn't visited him in a while and need to make that a priority, I talk to him on the phones every now and then, but it's been a while.  He's in a retirement home, two of his best friends are there with him, Ralph and Betty.  But I had heard Ralph had died recently.  Blessings going out to Ernie!  He let me call him that too when he wasn't in class.  We became friends the years I went to ABAC.  He let me see a side of myself that wasn't that diffrent from anyone else.  He made me want to better myself.  I still more from my life.  Maybe Mike and I can go by and sit with him for a while on our way home this week Wednesday night.

Extra Credit: Tell us your second favorite subject in schoool.

English was my second favorite subject in school.  I loved writing, I was the top speller in my class.  :)  It was one of my best ways of expressing myself.  Know it's not part of the assignment, but History was my favorite subject in school.  Math was my least favorite.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Sherry's Birthday/Bachellorette Weekend

PreviewYou've heard those old redneck jokes, about you know your a redneck when, well we made up a new one today, you know that you are gay when you've been to more bachellorette parties than bachelor parties.  Last night was really fun, I actually was just getting ready for bed. When a knock came at my door, with five wild women saying they were going to kidnap me and take me out.  We stayed out late and had fun, we made Sherry wear a veil, so everyone would know she was getting married.  Today we had lunch at First Street Grill, everyone was tired.  I'm tired, we laid on the beach, Mike and I took Dena to get bottles for her breast pump because she was hurting since this was the first time she's been away from the boys.  That was fun and interesting.  Then we went to Dancing in the Streets.  Mike and I just got home.  We are both pooped.  But I'm sure the girls are just getting started.  I know they will have fun tonight.  I love you Sherry, Happy Birthday, wish I were richer and I would have bought you whatever you wanted.  Your going to make a beautiful bride next week.  I'll add more pictures tomorrow.


Friday, May 13, 2005

Happy Birthday Tomorrow (Sherry)

Sherry's birthday is tomorrow, thought I'd do an early birthday to her today, since I'll probably be running around tomorrow.  I remember when I was young, I was a little jealous of her birthdays, because she got to have a big party every year, I only had one party, because no one likes birthday parties so close to Christmas.  She always had lot of people there and lots of presents.  Tomorrow she'll have some of her close friends, family.  But I'm so happy for her now.  She deserves every bit of fun, happiness, and love that life has to offer.  I hope this is a wonderful weekend for her birthday/bachellorette party weekend.  I'm sure they will have fun, they have a limo picking them up for dinner tomorrow.  I'll try and take lots of pictures.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

My little buddy in Red

I miss my little buddy, I miss them all, I'm wondering how much he's grown since the last time I saw him.  Yep, I'm missing everyone, so I'm happy I will have two weekends in a row with family. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

11 days till the big day

Here are the soon to be newlyweds.  Mark and Sherry I'm so happy for the two of you. Sherry, when we were little we ran all over the farm and played, we shared our toys, I remember our childhood with joy.  You know how I love to think of memories and how glad they make me.  Now you are going to share your life…with Mark, to be his wife.  Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe your all grown up, but I guess you have.  You’ll always be my little sister that I love.  I wish for you two the best that life has to offer.  I hope your wedding to be the “plantings of grace” and a growth between you two of hope, like a cypress tree’s bloom. I look forward to many new memories.
Your big brother who’s always trying to be a poet.  I ask for everyone out there in J-Land for prayers and good wishes to them and to me, and that we get some great pictues of their wedding.  Aren't they a cute couple.  Sherry, Dena, my mom, Autumn, and 6 of her friends are coming down this weekend, for her birthday and her bachellorette party.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Nice Day

I spoke to cuz, we had a few laughs caught up a little.  I sure love her.  Vicki and I were always close growing up.  Funny how we get busy, and so preoccupied with things, our lives.  Hopefully will will catch up some this weekend.  I went on my lunch break to the Greenlawn cemetery looking for angels and found many beautiful statues and memorials, but no angels.  I put a picture in my picture of the day journal.  Also took one of the Lion fountain in San Marco.  Well I'm home early, going to try and clean a little.  Hope everyone is having a great day!  Here's some pictures I took today.

Monday, May 9, 2005


I'm feeling guilty, sometimes I feel like I'm losing touch with some family, Vicki the one on the right is my cousin.  Our grandmother were twins.  Her other half Linda on the left, and my old roomate Sherry in the middle.  I'm missing them.  Vicki's birthday was two weeks ago, and I missed it.  Am I being a bad cousin?  No, just seems we can't seem to get together, they are so busy.  Guess we have been too.  Time to slow down soon.  Ok note to self call your cousin.

still thinking

I was thinking back on a time when I was feeling deep dark sorrow, and hurting times.  Then someone would come along and tell me that something good can emerge from it all.  I mean a well meaning person who was trying to encourage me to trust.  I think back on the that time, and instead of being grateful, I felt offended.  I wish I could go back and change many things, but looking back that’s honestly how I felt.  I remember when I first started going into therapy.  And my therapist telling me this was going to be work.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was thinking, I’ll do the work, but the further I get the easier it will get.  That’s not necessarily true, I have found out.  I mean some things are easier.  But things don’t just get easier.  I try not to get discouraged.  There are times when I feel like hurts and fears are going to make me close my eyes and go back into that shell I was once in.  But like I was trying to express earlier, that feeling doesn’t go away, that feeling that everything will be ok.  Something keeps me going.  Maybe it’s His compassion, His loving care, we can begin to hear again even as the hurt continues to heal. 

It may be a bumpy ride

Today I feel my heart beating, that is a good thing, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with so many feelings.  I keep my mind full and I read many different journals, and keep as much in, but how does it come out afterwards.  Lately I’ve been hearing how hard life is, and sometimes those words, even if I don’t say it outloud, I may be thinking it.  Well all I really know is it just is.  If I don’t say it outload, I might as well write about it.  Life is a bumpy road.  Not sure if any of you have ever read any of Charles Williams, but he wrote “The world is painful in any case; but it is quite unbearable if anybody gives us the idea that we are meant to be liking it.  I think about my path, the one I’ve taken, the one I’ve been lead on since I was born.  Sometimes I feel fear because of what I’m perceiving as my good, which seems to cause me to believe I’ve missed a turn somewhere and taken the wrong dirt road, that sure is bumpy.  I can only go by what I was taught,  if I’m on the right track, then I will have a life free of trouble.  I take that back, I never was taught that, life has always been a little hard.  I guess I mean I need to quit thinking that because life is hard sometimes, that I’m doing something wrong.  All I know is I always have this feeling inside that tells me everything will be ok.  That feeling or voice, whatever you want to call it, helps me survive.  My therapist Mrs. Frazier and I discussed once that when we come to the end of our dark places, we will understand that every circumstance has been allowed for our ultimate good.  We were born with a name, with a  path, I hope I have not strayed to far from the path.  I ask for guidance and pray that I’m still on the path that I was to be on all along.  Getting this out makes me feel lots of things.  Somewhat happy, somewhat sad, somewhat scared.  There is a prayer, I can’t remember it, but it goes something like if there are dark places that are a lot to be good, please lord help and teach me to endure, the sorrow, pain, or solitude that makes the spirit pure.  I wish I could remember where that came from or how close it is to what the real words were.  I found it, I did a yahoo search and found it,  I was close to what the quote was, but it was made by Irons. 

Sunday, May 8, 2005

Hope for Mom

Today in church this word came up today, our church has a cat that stays on the premises,  The cats name is Hope, she made it in the church and while the sermon was going on she made her presence known, she kept circling the pastor.  So he finally had to say hello Hope.  Then tonight my mom sent me something I had wrote for her a couple years ago for Mother's Day. I still have all these hopes for her.  Hope that she still has the happiness I see in this picture when she was younger.  Hope that one day she won't have to work so hard, and will be able to relax and sit out in front of her house like Nana used too and enjoy her children coming to visit her.  I hope for her all the happiness on this day and every day.  God Bless my mother!  And bless her a lot!  Hope don't you love it!

Hope for Mom

by Derek

I hope you feel the fortune of your years,
I hope. For all of our love
This day must bring you happy tears
And thoughts that joyful music prove.
I hope, for all our love,
There is an island, be it small,
And thoughts that joyful music prove
Beyond what years you may recall.

There is an island, be it small,
Amid the passions of the sea,
Beyond what years you may recall,
Where you in silent grace can be.

Amid the passions of the sea,
This day must bring you happy tears.
Where you in silent grace can be,
You feel the fortune of your years

I love you mom, hope when you find
those silent times, you think of us
and know we love you so much.  I wish
I could be there with you today with
everyone.  But just know my heart is
there with you.  Thank you God for the
best mom in the world.


Mother's Day Sunday

We just got back from church, it was a nice service there was one part where we had like a silent prayer, but if we wanted to say outloud anything, we mentioned them in our prayer, I said a little prayer for all the mother's who's children are oversees servicing our country.  I also thought of my mother.  Been thinking of her today all day.  I spoke to my sister and she was cutting Ethan's toenails, a thought I hadn't thought about being a mother.  I've been looking at pictures of my mom today.  Thinking about all she has been and done for me and my sisters.  I love her! Also put this picture of Dena with Eli kissing Ethan when he was born.

I just read my email from my mom, she wrote me.

"Thank you so much for always being such a loving son.  i love you so much and i thank you for always being so generous with your love.  you are a blessing to all who touch your live.  have you ever heard that song about have you ever seen an angel on earth.  it goes on to say that if you have a mother, you have because she did so much to birth you, raise you and everything else that goes along with motherhood.  God really blessed us all when he sent us Mothers.  I always miss my Mother.  Just wish I could see her one more time,  then I would say, just one more time.  Sons like you make Motherhood wonderful, I love you. 


Well mom you are my angel on Earth.  Just looking at this picture and the old video's I see how much you loved me.

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Lazy Saturday

Well it's been a lazy Saturday, we started our morning with friends Mike, James, and Randy with James Mom, Dad, sister and niece at the Cracker Barrell, I love eating there.  It was good, and enjoyed being with a family.  I would really love to be in Ocilla today with my mom for Mother's Day weekend.  But as it goes, I'm a little broke, but she's coming next week here, and We're heading off the following week for the wedding.  I can't believe how fast it's come up on me.  James and his mom and dad are a sweet family, they are so proud of him, I see that same love in her eyes towards him that I see in my moms.  Man I'm sure missing her today.  Here's a picture of James niece after we left Cracker Barrell in one of those little rocking chairs.  The other one is of he and his sister.  Yes I'm missing my sister's too, Sherry's having her wedding shower tonight.  We took a picture we had taken of James and framed it and gave it to his mama, she looked at it and said my baby.  His sister was here to take their mom on  cruise, three generations on a cruise to Cozumel.  I had to take this one picture of James picture's mom where I put her in an island setting.  I miss my mom!  BAD!

Thursday, May 5, 2005

Remembering Dizz

For the last week memories of an old friend have been flooding back, before I moved to Jacksonville, I was living in Valdosta, and I had some friends living here in Jacksonville, and kept getting these reports that there was someone here that favored me a lot, some even said they thought it was me.  I kept hearing about this person.  Then I moved here and I met this guy.  He came up to me and said are you the one that everyone has been saying looks like me.  I told him well they told me you looked like me.  I could see a resemblence.  You can't really see it in this picture, but we did look a lot alike.  I thought the world of him.  We became good friends and I even would try and fashion myself after him, but he would always come up to me and say you may look like me, but I'm the pretty one.  I have many good memories of Dizz, when he left Jacksonville, my partner at the time David and I gave him a big going away party.  I didn't see him that much after he moved.  But every year since 1991 he sends me his famous Christmas card, with an update on him and what's been up.  I saw him a few years ago on vacation and we caught up again.  My favorite story he told was of his tattoo on his shoulder.  Three wooden crosses, a big one in the middle and two smaller ones on the side.  The cross on one side was in another color, it was the cross of Dismas.  He told me how he was named after the thief Dismas that was beside Jesus on the cross.  He told me the story, I had heard as a boy, but never had heard a name.  He was the thief that took Jesus to be his savior before he died on the cross, one of the last people Jesus witnessed too before he died.  And he went with Jesus to be with His Father in Paradise.  Well the email I got was telling me they had given my ole friend his last rights, he died Tuesday.  There was a light in Dizz's eyes, I'll never forget, I know that light came from within.  I missed him when he left Jacksonville, and I'll miss him even more now, and those Christmas cards, no one has sent me a Christmas card every year for 13 years in a row, except my mom.  I remember his eyes lighting up when he spoke of his mother also.  There were times in the last year I felt him trying to tell me something when we chatted online, he told me he had was losing his sight, but I just wasn't listening to him, I guess I just  wouldn't let myself listen.  He was trying to tell me, but I would change the subject, to me, and he would listen to all that was going on in my life.  I wish I could have listened more.  But sometimes it's hard doing that on the computer.  I remember the last time I saw him and the big hug he gave me, and the big hug I gave him.  I just didn't realize that was going to be the last hug I got or gave to him.  My thoughts and prayers are with he and his family.  I still see his smiling face telling me he is the pretty one, you were!

And he said unto Jesus, "Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom."
And Jesus said unto him, "Verily I say unto thee, today shalt thou be with me in paradise."

The Ant and the contact lens

someone sent me this story this morning and it just made my day, had to share it.


The Ant and the Contact Lens: a true story Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens. "Great", she thought. "Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry."

She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.

She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth."

She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."


Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!

The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

I think it would do all of us some good to say, "God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will."

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning
each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him...I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)

This is a simple test. If you love GOD and are not ashamed of all the marvelous things He has done for you, send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you.
"You Gave Me A Mountain"

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5 & 6

Monday, May 2, 2005

John's Monday Photo Shoot

Over at

http://journals.aol.com/johnmscalzi/bytheway/entries/4035 our Monday Photo Shoot: Significant Others

This week's photo shoot has us capturing on film (or digits) some very important people indeed:

Our Monday Photo Shoot: Take a picture of our significant other, or show off a picture of our significant other that you particularly like.
Why this photo assignment? Well, you know. Significant Others are cool.

Well here's my newest favorite picture of Mike, took this last week the day before opening of the beaches.  He's pretty photogenic and one of my favorite subjects.  I'm going to miss the long walks on the beach when I'm all moved into town.  Well then I guess we'll have to have riverwalks.


Thoughts on a Monday Morning Deep

You know it seems and I’m saying it seems by my actions and not just by others, but the word sin doesn’t seemed to be used that much anymore.  When we do something wrong, now maybe I am talking about me, I rationalize, we say we showed “inappropriate behavior” or made a “mistake”, we may even say “we have done a bad thing.”  I remember the first time I said that.  I was in the first grade and a boy named Keith had said something mean to me, I held it inside the whole day, but when the bus rang, children would scatter from their last class of the day, and run to the school busses.  It was a mass hysteria of kids running, well as soon as we got outside I just pushed him, and I know he fell down.  But then all I saw was children running, and I never saw him get up.  I went ahead and got on my bus, looking to see if I saw him, I knew I did a bad thing, and when I got home, I told my mama, I think I killed Keith McGloklin, mama asked me to explain, and I told her what happened, and I thought he was stompedded to death by first graders after I had pushed him down.  Well mama made me call my first grade teacher and tell her, which I did, almost in tears, I told her it was me and what I had done, and was he ok, that I think I may have killed him.  She assured me he was fine and there were no accidents after school today, but I would need to tell him I was sorry the next day, and maybe he will tell you he was sorry too for what he said.  He was there the next day, no bruises, no casts, just mean ole Keith.  I did apologize, and he actually apologized to me too.  Funny memories now when I think of them.  But now it seems I along with others I’m sure begin to believe in their own innate goodnessWe do so in spite of overwhelming physical and spiritual evidence to the contrary.  As I write in my journal, genocide is rampant in.  Unbelievable things have been endured in .  Evil has not dropped off the face of the earth.  I write I follow Jesus, but we must resist the efforts of our world to minimize the reality of sin.  We all sin.  But I guess recognizing as the sins fo the nations is easier than admitting our own personal sin.  But we need to confess the specific sins we commit against our holy God.  So what am I telling myself, I guess just a sin is a sin, call it that, confess it.  I believe my sins can be washed away and have been, but I also feel excuses can’t be.  We can make excuses to our parents when we were little but I don’t think excuses work for God or even ourselves.  We can rationalize but we know in our hearts right from wrong.  So where is all this coming from, I’m not sure, I watched “Saving Private Ryan” last night.  I’m not catholic, but there is a lot that has been going on in that religion.  Mike is Catholic, so I’m learning a little more about the religion.  Not so much differences from mine, but things that are the same.  I had a nice weekend.  Spent time with friends on Friday and Saturday, and Mike and I cooked lasagna yesterday from scratch and it was delicious.  It was a kind of lazy weekend.  Saturday Mike went over to his moms and helped her with some things, and I cleaned.  I’m not sure what it is I feel today, just kind of out of sorts.  I’m not struggling but I seem to be telling myself I am.  Maybe I just need to let faith take over.  Maybe I need to reread Barb’s entry.  “Just let us then be true and faithful, trusting, serving, every day;  just one glimpse of Him in glory will the toils of life repay”  Heweitt