Scrapbook page

 A couple people emailed me and wanted me to put a scrapbook picture image on her, so here's one I'm using for my sister's wedding scrapbook I'm doing for her.  It's the flowergirl page of my neice Autumn.

Saturday church outing on the river

We had a great time yesterday at the church dinner over at Julie and Teresa's.   So much wonderful food, and just enjoyed time in the pool and talking with people.   I enjoyed sitting on the dock and just meditating for a bit.  Mike was the photographer and took some good shots I thought.  They took the boat out, and a small storm came.   A few of us went out for a while afterwards.   Today we had a nice day, went to church and went out to "Cool Moose: for brunch afterwards.  Then into a rainstorm for shopping.

quick entry

Thought i'd make a quick entry, TGIF, I'm home from work, Matt is coming over in a few to help Mike with some stuff on the computer.  Tomorrow we're going on a church bbq on the river over at Susan and Teresa's.   They are going to take the boat out, should be fun.  Other than that, not much, I made macaroni and cheese for tomorrow.  I'm going to be scrapbooking or something.   Mike surprised me and started cleaninng up the clutter, so I'm in a happy mood.  Everyone have a great weekend.

Mike

I havn't taken any of Mike in a while, took this one of him looking at a woodpecker yesterday.  I like this one of him.   He's still not to fond of me taking pictures of him.  He'll get used to it though. 

Looking back with a diffrent view today

I was thinking today of many happy memories from my childhood.  I think at times I visit those times when I was scared or hurt, and think that was my whole childhood,  maybe inside I wasn’t sad at all, what came out was happiness.  I think that’s what has always came out.  There may have been sadness in there like there is with everyone.  I guess we don’t have to look at those sad times  and say our childhood was sad.  Just thinking about my Papa singing in church makes me smile.  I enjoyed my world of make believe.  It was like being at Disney World everyday, and I really did see things that weren’t there and enjoyed trying to make my sister’s see it as well.  Yesterday was one of those days I think I was just feeling sorry for myself.  Guess that happens sometimes.  Today I’m able to look back and say I was happy, bad things may have happened from time to time, but I was able to be happy or at least come across that way.  I’m still that way today.

Monday thoughts

There once was a little boy whose life was filled with fear and uncertainty.  Much of his time was spent hidden in his bedroom with his books, comics, and drawing pads.  This littleboy escaped into a world of fantasy.  Most often he pressed his imaginary button to become invisible, or entered his time machine that would rendeer him invulnerable and take him to anytime on the planet.

As he grew into adulthood, he continued to escape from unpleasant realities.  Although he no longer relied on comic book fantasies to get him through, he found other ways to isolate himself.   He worked two jobs, found happiness in eating much or not eating anything.  Or he became obsessed with jogging.  Just before his 30th birthday, it dawned on him that hs ongoing escapes were keeping him trapped in that same bedroom of the past.  He realized that he wasnt really growing or getting anywhere, and that nothing would ever change unless he began dealing with his feelings, fears, and pain. It was time to stop running away, he saw, and to start living in the here and now.  I wrote this in my journal about three years ago,  yeah I still look back from time to time, nothing wrong with that.  I'm wondering if I am allowing myself to grow emotionally, or am I locking myself back in that room at times.   As Mike said to me the other day, you need to go see your therapist.  :)

Sunday afternoon

It's been a lazy day, we got up early and went to church.  Nice service, and one of the songs really touched me.   We've been laying around after church and the grocery store.  Mike has been working on getting all our pictures archived.  I've just been lazy mostly.  Back to the grind tomorrow.

Saturday morning

Just taking a little break from washing and folding clothes, Mike is in the kitchen making one of my favorites, Lasagna.  We slept late today. After staying out late last night.    Mike's friend Angie came into town Thurday and we went out to PF Changs, wonderful Chinese.  His friend Becky came too.  Last night we met Mike, James, Randy, and Matt.  James niece and nephew came out with them, we all had fun dancing.  I'm lazy today, can't wait to have some of that Lasagna.

Why I Keep A Journal

 

It's that time of month again, my favorite artist's , Judith Heartsong, hosts her Artsy Essay Contest for anyone willing to participate.  She posts a subject and gives us a chance to get involved and have a chance for one of her beautiful creations.

This month marks the 2nd Anniversary for AOL Journals.  I read this one and thought first what it would be like if I didn't keep a journal, so this was really fun, trying to create something. Judi Heartsong has been sponsoring an essay contest each month, and I've been having fun just being part of it. This is my July entry. Anyone interested in reading other entries can follow this link, and it will link you on to others. http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/entries/1493

Why I Keep A Journal

 

"It's important to let your feeling be known  Your so quiet, so I'm giving you this journal for your twelvth birthday.   Write your feelings down, create something based on your feeling." __Alicia, Derek's mom 

 

 

This was the start, my inspiration, my feelings, all started from that first journal twenty-five years ago.   For me it's been artistic creation of my mind through my feelings.  Journaling has been a healing force for as long as I can remember.  My early journaling has much imagination.  I still live in imagination much of my life, so I tried to imagine what it would be like for me without the journaling process which I’ve been doing since I was twelve.

                                     

                             Like flight being taken away from an eagle…

                                               Such would be me.

                          Like the power to manipulate words

                                being taken away from a poet…

Such would be me.

Like the refusal of a canvas to accept paint from an artist…

Such would be me.

The essay of assisting you in understanding the severity of my loss

Well, let’s suffice it to say…

The depth of that realm is simply too vast.

How long would the aches of not having that outlet last?

I will go on…

However,

How bright would my flame be?

My glow would dim, but to what degree?

The respect that I show for myself…

Would continue

The good deeds that I do for others…

Would continue

The dreams that I have …

Would continue

The partner that the Lord  put in my path will be given my all.

Walking next to him…would I stand as tall?

If I didn’t have a place to write these words, I don’t think I could last

I would struggle to hold onto my grace…

While lying in the dark.

Everything would be forgotten…maybe this is my medicine

To forget…

maybe that would be the ultimate sin.

To have not recorded my word

The first journal my mother gave me was

To aid in my survival

This makes me begin to smile.

This is what life would be like

Without my written word.

                                                     By: Derek 

 

Why do I journal?  Because it helps my heart to heal.  I have a picture in my head of what journaling is for me.  It's a healing garden of my mind, it helps me nurture what is sacred.  It gives voice to my spirit through my words and my feeling.

 Every day we all have the possiblity to tap into our soul's beautiful artistic palette through artistic expression and imagination.  I've enjoyed these twenty five years of a creative journey, this journey of me.   This journey that one day will lead me home.

Here's some past entries, winners, and prized artwork, check out the links below.

June Artsy Essay Winner
May's Artsy Essay Winner
April's Artsy Essay Winner
March Artsy Essay Winner
February's Artsy Essay Winner(s)
January's Artsy Essay Winner(s)

 

 

More thoughts

In my earlier entry I wrote about happiness.  I think I opened something by writing about this subject, cause it’s really got me thinking.  I started thinking if I was able to visit me when I was younger, and asked myself as a kid would I say I am happy.  Yes, I think that little kid would say he was happy.  But now as I look back at that kid, I realize he wasn’t so happy.  He had a wonderful mother that loved him.  He had a family.  He had sister’s and a brother that he loved deeply.  But there was a sadness deep down.  In ways as I look back at that little kid.  I see him as someone that was in his own world.  Escaping from all reality.  There were many joys I would have liked to of experienced.   Even writing this right now I have some feelings of “get over it”.  Quit looking back.  I sometimes think I was happy in my little world.  It gave me a distraction, and I didn’t have to deal with any of the sad feelings.  Then without warning my childhood was over.  Sometimes I still want it back.  After I left home I had to learn from scratch what it meant for me to be happy.  It was  like many things a trial and error kind of thing, finding out what gave me pleasure and what didn’t.  I’ve gone through so many stages it seems from very outgoing, to very much in my shell and staying away from everyone.  I thought I could be happy being by myself, doing things on my own.  At first it was a nice freedom for me, but I soon found out I was much happier around other people, doing things together.  It doesn’t depend on the other people or the actions or JUDGEMENTS of anyone else.  It’s still up to me.  I still enjoy my alone time as well and look forward to my meditations and quiet times.  Seems I need them both.  I also think sometimes of the things I did to turn happiness into unhappiness.  Strangely enough I’ve been guilty of doing this at times that are supposed to be celebrations, my celebrations, like my birthday.  It may have been a wonderful party all for me, but some reason inside I turned it into something I didn’t feel I was entitled causing myself much un-needed anxiety or even sabotaged it.  In the past I think I even may have blamed anyone else.   Last year was the first year I just let myself enjoy my birthday for what it was.   It makes me sad in a way at all those birthday pasts that I ruined in some way or another.  I guess what is really important is not yesterday’s memories, but today’s realities.  I can enjoy things better now, because I feel I deserve it.   I was once told in the past that I wouldn’t know happiness if it hit me in the face.  That was mean, but I think sometimes it may have held true.

Saw this at Jeannette's

I saw this over at Jeannette's Journal http://journals.aol.co.uk/jeanno43/Family Thought it was pretty cool.

There are 14 letters in your name.
Those 14 letters total to 63
There are 6 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:
The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. I'm actually the oldest child.  You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.

Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 22

A Soul Urge number of 22 means:
The Soul Urge of the master number 22 is very much that of the master builder. You would like to use your abilities in an important humanitarian undertaking, and have an innate desire is to express the significant power you feel in a concrete manner, as a builder, engineer, diplomat, etc. In some way you want to make a considerable contribution to the world.

The 22 gives a broad, universal outlook with a rather practical and common-sense approach. You have especially high intelligence, with an unusual perception and awareness. This number often denotes a high degree of diplomatic abilities and high ideals. You are a very capable person and you may possess special leadership abilities that you can and should develop. People respect you and recognize your superior foresight and vision.

The negative side of the 22 soul urge is a high degree of nervous energy and a tendency to be very dominating. It is unfortunate that all who possess the urge of 22 do not use its energies to the greatest advantage; but then it should be recognized that these energies are understandably the most difficult to focus and direct.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:
You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

Check it out at sure hit home on many accounts with me.

http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp

Wednesday Morning

The mere sense of living is joy enough.  –Emily Dickinson

 

I had a wonderful day as well yesterday.  A good work day, I had got so much sun running on Monday, that I decided I was going to try to tan in a tanning bed.  I got cooked like a lobster.  Some of my wobbly bits that I usually keep covered are burnt and itching.  J  I got some good exercise again yesterday.  Another good run, only about 3 miles.  It was just to hot to run another 5 miles.  So I cut it short and ran to the grocery store and got some fruits and vegi’s and coldcuts.  When I was running I was over by the fountain by the river.  They have those coin operated telescopes all over.  I thought about all the coin operated telescopes I’ve looked through here and in different cities.  I’ve seen some beautiful places.  I’ve always looked for happiness in my lifetime.  Almost like we look through these telescopes.  If you’ve ever looked through one of these you know the disappointment that comes when the timer clicks off, the eyepiece goes black, and we discover we’ve been looking in the wrong direction.

 

Yes, I’ve had some disappointing experiences in my search for happiness, many for the same reasons.  I was focusing on the wrong things.   Different things have equaled happiness to me in this lifetime.  I also realize that many of the things I thought would equal happiness did not.  I’ve written this many times before, happiness must come from within.  How do I keep getting off my truth and start thinking it’s something else.  I guess we all become convinced of this reality in our own way and own time.  Guess we all have to go through these disillusions one more time before we are ready to put in another quarter move that telescope and approach happiness from a different angle and a different point of view.  Mine seems to continually change.  Remember Derek, look within.

Keep on Playing

Someone sent me this today via email, it gave me chills.

Keep Playing

When the house lights dimmed and the concert
was about to begin, the mother returned to
her seat and discovered that the child was missing
Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights
focused on the impressive Steinway on stage.
In horror, the mother saw her little
boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out
"Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star."
At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and
whispered in the boy's ear,
"Don't quit.""Keep playing."
Then, leaning over, Paderewski reached
down with his left hand and began filling
in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached
around to the other side of the child,
and he added a running obbligato.
Together, the old master and the young novice
transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience.
The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played.
Only the classic,
"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."
Perhaps that's the way it is with God.
What we can accomplish on
our own is hardly noteworthy.
We try our best, but the results aren't always
graceful flowing music. However, with the
hand of the Master, our life's
work can truly be beautiful.
The next time you set out to accomplish great feats,
listen carefully. You may hear the voice of the
Master, whispering in your ear,
"Don't quit." "Keep playing."
May you feel His arms around you and
know that His hands are there, helping you
turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces.
Remember, God doesn't seem to
call the equipped, rather, He equips the 'called.'
Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than by the things you acquire. So touch someone by passing this little message along.
May God bless you and be with you always!

tuesday morning

I had a really good day yesterday.  It was a scorcher, I got home and went for a five mile run, in the heat.  Man was my heart beating fast.  I got that adrenaline rush, it was awesome.   I was sweating so bad, I couldn't see.   I had my ipod on and I was jogging to some great tunes.   I noticed some smells by the bridge that brought me back to childhood.   It was a smell of some kind of weeds that grow high beside the bridge.  I remember smelling those weeds before, maybe pulling weeds from the peanuts.   Not sure.  But it brought me back.   The sun has been shining, and I've been smiling.  Now for a good Tuesday. 

Monday morning!

You know how some people dread Monday’s.  I’m not that way.  For as far back as I can remember.  Monday’s meant a new start for me.  If I ever started a diet, a running plan, putting my life in order.  I would have to start on a Monday.  Not sure why but the only ones that ever worked for me, was the ones I started on a Monday.  So Mondays have actually always been good to me.  A new start.  I’ve got a few things in my head that I would like to start doing.   Eating better, running agenda, working out, start swimming.  Clean out more clutter from my head.  I wish I could be that way more about every day.  If I mess up on a Monday, sometimes I mess up the whole rest of the week.  So on this Monday the most important realization of my new life is this:  Realize I can’t do anything to change yesterday, as much as I’d like to, I have choices concerning the way I live today.  So even though I start this on a Monday I can start by changing my perceptions and actions today.  Maybe I should of started this on a Tuesday just to show I could do that.  Hope everyone has a great Monday, and a great week.  Blessings to everyone.

Sunday Morning with Abby

I've been spending my Sunday morning with Abby, Mike is at church, and I'm sitting here enjoying some quiet time.  Yes sometimes quiet time for me can be almost like church.  I forget what it's like sometimes.  I've enjoyed my quiet time this morning, just meditating on things and life, and how I feel about life in general.   I think sometimes things just get to loud for me.  I've had some realizations about some things.  I watched this movie last night.  Kind of strange, but I enjoyed it.  "Garden State".   I think I know where my feeling on clutter and things come from.  My mom's dad.  Pepa.   My Pepa and Nana got divorced when I was born.  My Nana moved in with my Uncle, and my Pepa stayed at the house my mom grew up in.  All I can tell you is, my memories are of a young boy.  But it was nasty, full of clutter and a mess.  I didn't feel good when I was there.  Then years later my Nana got the house, and she cleaned out all the mess, and I mean it was a mess.  After hard work and cleaning,  The house had a good feeling.  Nana had it liked she wanted.  It had fresh paint, and good feelings came into the house.   I think when I see clutter some of that old feeling of my Pepa come back.  It's not a good feeling.  I loved my Pepa but he wasn't the most tidy of people.   Not sure where I'm going with these feelings.  Just had to get them out I guess.

TGIF

Be noble minded!  Our own heart, and not other men’s opinions of us, forms our true honor.  –Johann Christoph Friedrich Von Schiller

 

As the rain continues to pour.  I’m sitting here thinking.  I once was a chameleon.   Like so many people, I developed the thoughts growing up that my feelings, ideas, and opinions were unimportant.  Very seldom do I remember being asked my opinion on things.  I rarely expressed my views, even when I felt strongly about something.   The only place my feelings came out were in my journals.  I mostly tried to blend in and hide my feelings of insignificance.  Mostly my opinions and actions were to what others said and did.

I’m getting better as an adult but sometimes find myself conforming to what I think others want.   Sometimes I behave as I think someone would want me too.  I’m much better now than I was at expressing my feelings.  Many times I write it down and finally just get it out.  I know I wanted to be liked by everyone.  I think at times I became what everyone wanted.  Everyone except myself.  One of my main challenges has been to develop as an individual in my own right.  I’ve had to discover who I really am, and what I really believe and feel- regardless of the influences of others.   I think back on the past.   How I tried to be a outgoing person when I was really feeling quiet, or quiet when I was outgoing.  Confusing huh.  Another challenge has been to develop the kind of self worth that makes it possible not only to express my true beliefs and opinions, but to stand behind them as well.   Easier said than done. 

 

No more blending in. 

It's almost friday

Well another friday is almost upon us.  I went ahead and got groceries today.  So we're set for a while.  Nothing excited planned.  Our friends are all going camping.   I've got to get some sun this weekend.  I'm feeling pale.  I'm surrounded by the sounds of television, Mike's watching "Last of the Dog Soldiers".   I light a candle and try to find the silence of my thoughts.   When did I start thinking.  Dreaming of something that only these words can describe.  There is a shining light in this dark green candle.  A light upon darkness.  It takes my breathaway.   I put myself upon the wick.  I am stepping out of the shadows and into something brighter.  I observe the wax dripping on my candle of renewal, it melts away with my love.  Time leads the way to the cool waters of my reason and I am here to see it flow in my despair.  It only slowly puts out the flame.  With this I am absorbed into the night.  Surrounded by my consciousness, here I sit with all my senseless decisions
going in a constant motion, these thoughts on the tip of my tongue staring into eyes of flames that only his admiring eyes may gaze upon these words are spoken but with no reply a destination to reach but no road to follow and even though reality still exists without my knowledge this is only a state of my thoughts.  Thought I'd throw some of my old prose into this. 

I enjoy looking into candles.

Well it’s almost been a month of Mike and I in our place in Riverside.  It’s not that big of a change.  I  would say the biggest change  for me is the way I have to deal with responsibility.  In some ways we are redefining responsibilities and trying to figure out how it  fits in with our life.  At times it feels like Felix and Oscar from the “Odd Couple”.   Lately I’ve been much more relaxed though.  I still want things in their place.   Sometimes it drives me crazy to come home to things all over the place.  I get home and I start picking up, trying to get things back in their place.  But by next day they seem to be back in the same places.  But I’ve noticed lately things have been getting better.  Things are getting back in their places and things seem much less cluttered.  Am I imagining or am I just getting used to it.  I feel like we are achieving a new balance – between taking on responsibility that is rightfully ours, and letting go of responsibility that doesn’t belong to us.  Even though we are successfully meeting these challenges, I’ll just call them challenges, I sometimes can be thrown off by feelings of being controlled or managed.  Where does this feeling come from?  I know growing up my mom and dad tried to manage our every move.  Although they didn’t.  I finally stood up, and said this is not what I want.  I was able to see what they wanted and what I wanted and the differences.  My friends I grew up with and even after I left home, were all about advice, giving it and telling me what I should do, and most of the time expecting me to take it.  With Mike I feel many times he withholds approval on things unless we do things his way.  Not always, but I feel this way sometimes.  Yes I know you will probably read this too Mike.  This isn’t a bad thing.  It’s just something I feel sometimes.  Yes I have my things I know as well, I’ll go ahead and tell you, I drive him crazy with picking my toes.  Not sure why but I come from a toe picking family.  My brother-in law Andy even wrote a song about his toe picking wife.  I just want to make sure he knows how important I think it is for us to continue to make our own decisions, to be our own person, and to be responsible.  Yes I still want your opinion on things.  I value them.  Maybe we can talk about these things sometimes.

Separate and Alone

by derek

In the beginning there was only you
balled up tight in your mothers womb
safe as only the young can be
in a world people free.

In the end only you
alone in your tomb
nothing keeping you from beyond
nothing unexpected to cause you harm.

But how about the in between
do you mean to spend it alone - like it seems?
wrapped for all time in your cocoon
pinning away for how it was in the womb.

Thinking of Eli

Thinking of Eli

The Fair Ones themselves sprinkled the stardust in his eyes

His hair, woven from the purest of moonbeams.

The sun kissed his heart and filled him with its warmth.

The Angels smoothed his skin with the finest of peace lilies.

His future lies long and bright before you-

Blessed be his days

Peaceful be his nights.

Sleep sound, Sweet Eli, for the Heavens above keep their views.

Destined to grow strong among men,

To soar above the injustice

To make the world a better place.

Beautiful baby boy

How we will all love thee so

Till the end of our days.

By Uncle Duck

 

INNER VOICE

I was writing about the inner voice yesterday, and today, my sister sent me a poem I wrote a few years ago. 

 

I watch the clock ticking away from day to day
My head is filled with thoughts as moments pass
I think about the part in which i play
My heart and mind are felling quite a mess

An age and name, I must be something more
Can he see beyond the outer me
I need to know and look within
I pray for an answer, who am i to be

I have begun to see the picture clear
My place and path becoming well defined
My inner voice is calling ever dear
I listen very close and i feel

The one and only, bright and shining star
My self, an open book, unique by far
He is an enigma, something something something.

 

As you can see I never quite finished the last sentence.  But it was funny that she had this one saved from years ago.  I will have to finish it, or change it.  I was scared at the time I wrote this but I look back now and see it was a time of growth.

Advice from Walt Disney

I’ve recently had some email’s from some people wanting advice.  I’m not really one to give advice, I like to listen but not really much on advice.  I think about one of my favorite Disney stories; Pinocchio.  This is the story I tell people about when they ask for advice.  Well everyone knows the story of Pinnocchio, the wooden puppet whose nose grows long when he lies.   His friend Jiminy Cricket chirps.  “Let your conscience be your guide.”  Pinnocchio follow his advice and repents, and returns to his Creator, Geppetto, where he is given a heart of flesh and is freed from his strings.  So what is the message.  I think it’s listen to that inner voice.  If you have confusion.  Ask it a question.  It will answer back for you.   I try my best to listen to that voice.  Sometimes it sure is hard to hear.  I’m better at it in quiet places, or underwater.  Havn’t figured that one out yet.  I’m asking myself right now, how strong is my own conscience.  Sometimes my decisions are swayed by others.  But I have not resisted the inner voice.  I try to listen to it, sometimes I even argue with it, because I want to do something else.  Today I ask for a conscience that is cleaned.  I am sorry for all I’ve done wrong in this lifetime, I’m sorry for those times I didn’t listen to the inner voice.  I’ve sort of been writing about this in a couple of my entries lately it seems.   Listen to the inner voice. 

Another rainy weekend

This weather has been crazy.  I'm ready for some nice weather.  The weekend was nice.   Very relaxed.   Mike's foot has been hurting him most of the weekend. Hope it's better soon.   I feel like I havn't written much lately.  I've got writer's block or something.  I can think of many things I want to start on.  I need to get back to eating right, and working out.  I'd like for Mike and I to get back into the gym together, but I know I have to do it for myself.     Other than this I don't want to go to sleep because I want the weekend to last  longer. 

Cousins

I got to spend time with two of my third cousins this week.  Yesterday for lunch I met my Nana's sisters grandaughter for lunch.  I'd never met her before and we are sharing information on the family, and she gave me some great old pictures to scan.  She reminded me a lot of other cousins in the family.  Then I my Papa's brother's grandson Mark came down from Tallahassee.   He's the one I was writing about the other day.  Mike and I took him to our favorite pizza spot.  He was heading to Savannah for the weekend and came and stayed with us.  I really enjoyed his visit.  Looking forward to getting to know him better.  Today at work was fun, but I ate way to much, we had our Friday food day.  Too much temptation with all those wonderful foods.  I ate plenty.  Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

I'll be good!

I read somewhere that when the Queen of England was a little girl she didn’t realize that she was in line for the throne of England.  Her instructors who were trying to prepare her for the future, were frustrated because they couldn’t motivate her.  She just didn’t take her studies seriously.  Finally one day her teachers decided to tell her that one day she would become Queen of England.  Upon hearing that she quietly said, “Then I will be good”.  The realization that she had inherited this high calling gave her a sense of responsibility that affected her conduct from that day forward.  I think about myself how many times I still get discouraged.  Many times I find responsibility a hard thing to take.  I think of Autumn, Eli, and Ethan.   I hope they find their calling.  I still feel I’m looking for mine at times.  What about you?  Do you think we will ever get there?  I do know I’m a believer.  A child of the light, so I guess we have a noble calling.  I need tokeep that in mind.  I will be good!  I remember saying this a lot when I was little, and here I am still saying it as an adult.  I think of all the people that have influenced me in some way.  Good and bad, but all good.  It made me who I am today.  Today I was reminiscing with my sister Sherry on memories of the river house.  A place where our grandparents would take us in the summer with my Mema’s twin sister and their family, and ours, lots of cousins, lots of fun.  I was blessed with wonderful grandparents.  Sure do miss them.  Funny how memories start flooding back once you bring them up.

Car wouldn't start

I’m not sure why this memory came to me this morning.  Maybe it was because my car didn’t start this morning on my way to work, and we had to jump it off.  So I guess I was thinking of all the times my car didn’t start.  My mind went all the way back to the first time it wouldn’t start.  I was 16, and my sister’s boyfriend had set me up on a date with this gal named Donna.  I was really excited, this was my first date with my driver’s license.  Kenny had fixed me up with a really beautiful girl who was older than me.  I was ready to take her to the movies when she said she rather go driving around, so I said sure, we drove around in circles until she finally said why don’t we go somewhere we can talk, I was like “Sure, where would you like to go?”.  She said the baseball field.  When we drove up, I said there’s no game tonight, all the lights are off.  She said “I know”.  I pulled over somewhere in the parking lot of the baseball field, which was at least 5 miles from town.  I turned the car off.  Then it was attack of Donna.  I mean that literally.  It was getting hot, so I turned the ignition on to start some air.  I’m not sure how long we were there with the air on, but when it was time to go, the car wouldn’t start because I had burnt the battery up leaving the air on and not cranking the car.  Donna was in a panic, but Donna was also a track star because we sprinted back to the movie theatre which was about 5 miles away.  That girl sure could run fast.  I felt so stupid, she had to get a ride from one of her girlfriends and I had to call my dad to pick me up and take me to the baseball field to jump start the car.  He looked at me and said, What were you doing way out here, there wasn’t a game tonight. 

Fireworks

Well the fourth has left me  feeling full!  We went to a July 4th dinner with a guy from church.  The food was like home, and I mean just like home.  I told him he must be a country boy,  he was Alabama.  We were stuffed.  We then went and watched the fireworks down by the river.  The lens was a little foggy from the change of temp.  But I thought it was a cool picture.  So this will be my July 4th picture of 2005.  Can't think of a better subject.

Fourth of July

I woke up early today, Mike's still sleeping and it's 10:30,  I got up around 8 something, have been washing clothes and remembering July 4th's of the past, last year I was with my cousin Vicki at the big pool party.  We all had lots of fun.  Two years ago I was watching the fireworks from the beach from a balcony.  I remember one in New York that I watched from a window while someone slept.  My fondest memories of July 4th were those as a kid, going to my Nana's house,with my mom's brother's shooting fireworks out of a coke bottle.  Set off into the starry sky.  Those starry skies in the country are just diffrent than those of the city, I miss them.  I remember once, my cousin Selena and I getting some firecrackers and us going to set them off ourselves, and one went off in my hand.  I was scared to look at my hand cause I thought it might not be there.  But it was, just red and hurting.   Everyone have a Happy July 4th, make some good memories!

Nice Long Weekend

Hope everyone has been enjoying their long weekend.  I think I've slept a good bit of it.  It has rained really hard all weekend.   We went to our friend Earl's birthday bash yesterday, http://www.bearguy904.com/   He's a really great guy that made us all feel special at his birthday. We all went out later with everyone.   Went to church this morning, it was crockpot Sunday, I brought meatloaf, it went over well.  Everyone loved it.  Fireworks are going on all around us.   Mike and I went and saw "War of the Worlds" tonight, I really enjoyed it, supspensful to say the least.   Really scary in many diffrent ways.  Just thought I'd check in.  Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th.

 

Derek

My Papa's first cousin and the rabid Jackass

I’ve been going through some of my old stories that family told me, Papa used to tell me on some of those weekends I used to interview him, this is one of the more colorful stories my Unlce Elton, papa's brother told me after church, he used to tell stories all the time about our family, probably like we still do about our family.  This story was about one of his cousin’s.  His mom’s brother’s son (Jule) Julian Ennis Jr.   Jule had just graduated from high school, worked very hard in school and had received a senatorial appointment to West Point.  He was working really hard plowing fields with a mule.  He was working for his Uncle Tarver to earn some money which he greatly needed.  Those were hard times. Depression gripped the country and didn't really recede in central  Georgia until the mid 1940's.  He left the mule there when finished working and walked several miles back to the house. This went on like this for sometime. Something happened at home that required that he bring the mule back home.

Julian Jr. returned to his Uncle Tarvers house to pick up the mule. He noticed that the animal was ornery, but still managed to get the bridle and bit on it. He rode the animal for a while but it became more and more agitated and kept trying to bite him. So he got off and led the mule all the way home, being snapped at and kicked at most of the way. . One the way home the ole mule bit poor Jule.  Julian arrived home with a mule that was in a lather, his eyes were wide and wild looking. When it saw water in back ofour house it went completely mad. It kicked the side of  the smoke house . By this time my Dad and Buford were at Julian's side trying to help subdue the pitiful animal. The rabid animal was frothing at the mouth, and kicking and biting at everyone. Once it kicked the side of the smokehouse so hard itsounded like a thunder clap. It then wheeled around and  grabbed an old syrup can from a shelf on the smoke house and crushed it in his mouth from end to end like the men used to crush beer cans. This was a tremendous fight. My older brothers were finally able to get the animal to the barn. The mule kicked down the stalls inside the barn that night and was found dead inside the barn the next morning.  Later after looking at the crushed syrup can (about the size of a half gallon paint can) Julian told of the mules jaws clapping together just inches in front of his face. Although  carnivores are the only animals supposedly able to pass rabies, to be on the safe side, a doctor recommended that my brothers take rabies shots.  In those days a series of five to seven shots were given with a three or four inch needle in each side of the abdomen area over a period days. 

This story probably wasn’t funny to my Papa’s cousin Jule, I’m sure he was scared to death, can you imagine trying to ride a jackass with rabies?  Couldn’t have been fun.  The story changes with who tells it.  I’ve probably heard 4 or 5 different versions of this story.  Like most stories, they change every time they are told, I’ve heard some versions most saying it was my Papa’s cousin, I heard one version saying it was my Papa’s Uncle.  So I do know it was either Jules Jr or Jules Sr.  It’s funny how some of the family like my Papa, made it sound like a comedy.  Like he was ragging on his cousin, then on other parts of the family, it was a tragedy.  Maybe because Papa didn’t have to get those shots in his stomach.  But just picturing it in my mind it’s definitely full of color don’t you think.  I do feel sorry for the poor jackass.  And for Jules, he lost his mule to work with and got bit and had to get shots.  Wonder how long it took till he was out there trying to make money again?