Yep, I've been looking back, looking at now, and looking at the future. In his painting, "An Allegory of Prudence," 16th century Venetian artist Titian portrayed Prudence as a man with three heads. One head was of youth facing the future, another was of a mature man eyeing the present, and the third was of a wise old man gazing at the past. Over their heads Titian wrote a Latin phrase that means, "From the example of the past, the man of the present acts prudently so as not to imperil the future." With the new year right around the corner, I think we need this kind of wisdom to overcome the anxiety created by our past failures and the fear of repeating them in the future-an anxiety that keeps us from living to the fullest now. Sometimes I try to forget my past and anticipate the future. My memory hasn't been erased but I do feel more free of any guilt I may have felt from some of my past actions. I have to forgive myself, and hope that I have been forgiven by any I may have hurt, but know in my heart I have been forgiven by God. As we close the chapter of 2004, I believe with His help I will be able to live fully in the present and I will gain wisdom from the past and face the future with courage. There's a saying, can't remember where it came from but it goes "Don't ever let your bleak past overshadow a bright future." I like that. I hope everyone has a blessed and wonderful Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Leonard Harper Sr. is the progenitor of the large Harper Family of
Irwin and Coffee Counties, Georgia. Leonard was born abt. 1735 in
Peas Creek, NC, according to Huxford's Pioneers of Wiregrass Georgia.
To date Peas Creek has not been located but may well be Pea Creek, SC.
According to Huxford, Leonard Harper Sr. came to Liberty Co., GA
(which was later cut into McIntosh Co.), with his son, Leonard Jr., during
the Revolutionary War.* In the Surveyor's General Dept. in Atlanta, GA,
there are four headgrants issued to Leonard Harper and perhaps his
son, Leonard Harper Jr. The claims are:
Upon arriving to survey the ground for one of his headgrants (which
you could receive by paying a a filing fee of 5.00) Leonard found a
house had been constructed and someone was living in it. The man
residing there invited Leonard in, gave him a meal and a bed for the night.
The following morning Leonard rose, pulled the title for the headgrant
from his pocket, and told the hospitable gentleman that the property
now belonged to him.
Life on the new frontier was perilous and indians were an everyday part
of the lives of Leonard and his family. The Creek Indians made a raid on Leonard's plantation in Liberty Co., in 1788. The indians made away with his horses and hogs and, according to family lore, the house was burned and
all of Leonard's tools along with miscellaneous items were taken.
Leonard's wife and children hid in the bushes during the raid. Leonard
later found the tools and other items buried in his field when he was
plowing. Leonard Harper Jr. filed a claim with the Indian Claims Bureau
on behalf of himself, and his siblings, as a result of this raid. The claim
was paid. (These records can be obtained from the Bureau of Indian
Affairs, Washington, D.C.)
Emily Gray Martin, Gentlemen and Their Ladies - Gray Family History,
states that Leonard fought in the Revolutionary War, participating in
the battles of Troy and Sumpter. It is said that he had the fastest horse
of any, having outrun the British on at least one occasion. With the
British in pursuit Leonard approached a wide gully. He and his horse
jumped, the British came to the edge and stopped.
It is not known who Leonard's wife actually was but it is said that she
was Dutch (according to records found in Irwin Co., GA). Emily Gray
Martin states that " . . . Leonard Harper Sr. met the boat carrying
five females from Holland who came here looking for husbands.
It was told Leonard Sr. married one of them (black-Dutch)."
*I personally feelthat there is a discrepancy in Huxford's work. He
states that the son of Leonard Harper Sr., Leonard Harper Jr., was
born in 1788 in Liberty Co., GA. However, I believe that there was a
third Leonard Harper, b. abt. 1735, and known as Leonard Sr.,
husband of Elizabeth. Elizabeth applied for administration of his estate
on April 12, 1804 (McIntosh Co.). I believe that this is the Leonard Sr.
that Huxford was referring to and that he came to McIntosh Co., GA,
with his son Leonard during the Revolutionary War. Upon the death of
the father the son became Leonard Sr. - this would be the Leonard Sr.
who died in McIntosh Co., GA, in 1822 and was probably b. abt. 1750.
His son, Leonard Jr., born 1788, died in Irwin Co., GA, in 1845. This
opinion is further strengthened by the fact that Leonard reportedly
did not bring a wife with him to Georgia but married a Dutch woman
after his arrival.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Monday, December 20, 2004
Friday, December 10, 2004
Thursday, December 9, 2004
One thing about going home is knowing your going to have to go down a dirt road to see your loved ones. Autumn rode from Dena and Andy's with me back home, Dena and Andy live on one of those old dirt roads, roads that I took every week when I was growing up, and there are about 4 ways to get back home to Sherry's depending on which way you go on the dirt road. Being young sometimes your used to one way of going home, the shortest way or the quickest or just the one that is the least wet and you are not in danger of going in the ditch. Anyway back to my point. I took a way that Autumn wasn't used to taking, I took a right on the dirt road instead of a left. She looked over at me and said with big eyes, "You went the scary road". I asked her what is the scary road? She informed me it was the wrong road, not the one you are supposed to take. Well I've taken this road for years and it is a much longer ride, but I was just enjoying being home and being with her. She started looking worried when the road just kept going. Autumn for some reason gets a thrill out of being scared, she loves scary stories. Anything to make her heart beat a little faster. So I looked at her and said I think we went the wrong way. She looked over at me with her big eyes and said "I'm not scared". Well I am I grinned at her. So she gave me her hand to hold.
I love this story, not sure why but even though I know she was scared she was offering me her hand so I wouldn't be scared. Makes me think of us as humans, sometimes we have to admit that we become fearful-about dying, about cancer, about losing our mind, about losing our job, and my parents favorite was about their chidren getting in trouble, and my new one about getting older. We don't like to confess it, so we may ignore, deny, or repress those fears. But to overcome our fear, we must first acknowledge it I guess. Mike told me the other day that he was talking to someone and they said Derek sure has changed from the old Derek he knew, he goes around quoting scripture. I don't remember quoting any scripture to anyone, I think the only place I ever even mention it is in my journals. I do pray everyday that I can be used in some way. I find it easier to describe His love for us in my journals. Than to spread it in verbal words. I wish I were more verbal. I'm really mostly a pretty quiet person keeping things in. Woops off track again. Anyway a scripture did come to mind when I was writing earlier and for some reason, I was thinking about what Mike had said about someone saying I quote scripture. Anyway here it is. "Whenever I am afraid," he said "I will trust you" I think David wrote that somewhere in Psalms. I like this one, I loved Sunday School. My mom was my Sunday School teacher when I was growing up too. Along with Mrs. Martin and Mrs. Sara Grace, which I think I've written about before. It's a conscience decision to trust God. So the next time I get scared I think that's what I'm going to try and do. I really believe we can conquer our fears. To admid that we are afraid is to admit we are human. But to admit being afraid and then trusting in Him and going forward will take the fear out of fear. I had bad dreams when I was little, and I remember right before I would go to sleep I found a way to stop them. I got on my knees and said "Please God, don't let me have any bad dreams". It worked.
Monday, December 6, 2004
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
One of my favorite writers is George MacDonald, I've written a few entries on him. One thing he wrote was "God has come to wipe away our tears. He is doing it; He will have it doen as soon as He can; and until He can He would have them flow without bitterness; to which end He tells us it is a blessed thing to mourn because of the comfort that is on the way." This is one of my favorite quotes, it seems like while we wait for that comfort, we can be assured that we will not be tested beyond our ability to bear the trial. My mom always used to tell me that growing up. Every difficult circumstance is times with exact precision. Screened though with His perfect love. We won't suffer one moment more, nor will we suffer more than it necessary. So why am I so hard headed, why does it take me more than one time to learn some lessons, yep that's what's going through my head. Guess sometimes the waters are deep. But deep down I always know that everything is going to be alright. Maybe I just need a good cry. What's the saying, "Tears are often the telescope by which we can see into heaven."
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
Thursday, November 18, 2004
My mom always told me when I was small, that I had the most beautiful smile and everytime someone would see me they would ask me to smile. Well my nephew Eli has one of the most beautiful smiles, you don't really have to ask him to smile for you either, he just does, he's a very happy little boy. Missing home much. I'm missing to many smiles.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Sunday, November 7, 2004
Saturday, November 6, 2004
Friday, November 5, 2004
Ok, I admit it I am a sucker for that Donald Trump show. Greed-it has toppled highly paid executives, brought down giant corporations, and cost thousands of workers their jobs and retirement. I read in the paper that unrestrained corporate greed is a greater threat than terrorism. Greed whispers in our ear that we would be happier if we had more money, more things, and more power. It creates discontent and a growing desire to do whatever it takes to gain position and possessions. And here I am stuck to the tube waiting to see who get's the YOU'RE FIRED. I feel a certain guilt after it's over. I tell myself I'm not going to watch it again next week. So what's the opposite of Greed I'm thinking, cause that's what I want. I guess it's contentment and generosity. I am thankful for what I have, I may struggle but I thank you lord for everything I have. You are my greatest treasure, that is for sure. Next week I'm going to read a book, lol.
Monday, November 1, 2004
This is just a birthday note about my brother Lance. Today he turns 25. This entry is just about him. I don't know how often he gets to hear this from me, but not enough I'm sure. Lance is a wonderful guy, and father. He's an amazing guy who has always been appreciated so enormously! He's got a great since of humor, and you can't help but smile when your around him. So oh brother of mine, I thought it might be time to tell you, exactly what you mean and have meant to me. First you were a gift to me, I remember praying on many occasions for a little brother. Twenty five years ago you was our surprise, Mama left while we were trick or treating. I'm sorry we don't talk as often as maybe I'd like to, but I've always felt a closness with you that doesn't need to be measured in miles. If it could be measured for me I guess it would be by all the memories I have of you growing up. You was always a big part of my life and my thoughts and I always wanted the best for you, I'm not sure what I did to deserve such a wonderful brother, but whatever it was, I hope you know that I treasure you so much and I'm so grateful we are family. You have always been the brother Sherry, Dena, and I loved so much, you were and still are very special to us. You have such a positive attitude, and that just rubs off on you. I hope this birthday marks the beginning of a year filled with happiness, success, and all the things you're striving to achieve. You deserve the best and I wish you a Happy Birtday Lance.
Your brother Derek
Here's another entry I wrote about my wonderful brother
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Friday, October 29, 2004
Halloween weekend is here. I'm on my lunch break so can't write to much. I still don't know what I'm dressing up as. Mike and are are going to a Halloween party tomorrow, he's got his kilt, but I just can't think of anything that goes with a Scottish Highlander, any ideas. I'm sure I'll think of something. Anyway hope everyone has a great weekend. Pictures will be shared later. More to come I'm sure!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Friday, October 22, 2004
I never saw the movie "The Exorcist", but I do recall its impact on everyone around me. I remember my cousin Jay and how badly it scared him. It left a lasting impression on many people about Satan's power. Even many Christinan began to live in fear, swayed by the vivid images of evil. It seemed as if the devil was as powerful as God. Now there is a new movie that suppose to scare and shock you more, the story before The Exorcist. Is this perspective sound? OF COURSE NOT! God is the Creator, and all others, including demons, are just created beings. Only God is almighty. For as long as I can remember when things seem to be going bad, it's easy to blame the devil. Although he does emit wickedness and sin, we must be careful not to conclude that we are powerless against him. "The holy spirit in us is greater than he who is in the world." So what am I telling myself? Resist, Resist, Resist.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Today was my Papa's birthday. He's been in my thought very strong the last couple of days. I watched "Big Fish" Saturday night, which is one of my favorite movies, because it reminds me so much of my Papa. He was great at telling tall tales, we had a giant catfish that lived in one of his ponds that no one could catch, as a kid I imagined it to be as large as a small boat, from what Papa had told me. I loved his stories. On our way to breakfast yesterday, I noticed a older man in his Sunday best walking home from church. Then I saw him go down, I yelled for Mike to pull over that someone had just fell, I jumped out and saw that he had lost his footing by stepping in a hole where they were working on the roads. Mike jumped out and we helped him to his feet, shook off the dust on his suit,let him take a few steps to make sure he was ok. He seemed fine, and God blessed us, we blessed him back and was back on the road to meet friends for breakfast. I got back into the truck and broke out in tears. He caught my eye before he fell, because he reminded me of my Papa. In my heart when I was jumping out of the truck, he was my Papa. Guess that was God's gift to remind me of Papa yesterday.
Papa's Special Gift
Papa had a special gift
He always knew just what to do
To make his grandchildren happy
And to show he loved them, too.
At the family get-togethers,
He was the first person to look for-
He would entertain us children for hours,
And we always kept asking for more.
You could tell when Papa was teasing
By the twinkle that shined in his eyes-
He was an expert at settling problems,
For he was loving, patient and wise.
His grandchildren always admired him,
Even though they are grown-
They always feel proud and happy
To have had Papa as their own!
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Monday, October 11, 2004
I'm reading Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life", so decided to start a 40 day journal while I read it. I think it will be a nice journey for me.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
1) Keep yourself safe.
2) Start outside your location (could be your home, school, workplace - it's up to you.)
3) Travel two units straight in one direction
4) Turn to your right and travel 4 units
5) Whereve you are, so long as you are safe, your mission is to creatively interpret your surroundings. Bring back and post photographic evidence to your website that you were actually there. Make the absolute best of whatever you find, no matter the subject or how mundane it might seem.
I love this picture of Sherry and I. This was taken on Christmas Eve, and we were so excited about Santa coming soon. We never could sleep on Christmas Eve because we were so excited. Now it makes me think of all the whippons I used to get because of Sherry. At night we slept together, and she just wouldn't go to sleep, she would talk and talk, and then daddy would come in and say if he hears us talking anymore he was going to come spank us. We always got those little spankings because we just couldn't go to sleep. My favorite story about a spanking Sherry caused me to get. When she was about five, her front teeth were getting kind of loose, and for some reason unknown to me she decided to bite my shoe, and looking down I see to human teeth stuck to my shoe. Into the house Sherry flies, blood coming out of her mouth, and she tells Daddy that I kicked her in the mouth. Out comes Daddy with the belt, I don't really remember the spanking, but I do remember she smiling with her two front teeth missing and saying "He really didn't kick me, I bit his shoe". Then looking down at my shoe there are these two little teeth marks in the white plastic of my shoes. My only proof of my Jaws attack. To late, I've already got the whippon. A few whippons here and there, not so bad. I sure was crazy about ole Sherry. Something about the way those blue eyes. I think I'd done anything. I think that's one of the things I'm so crazy about Autumn for, she reminds me so much of that little blue eyed girl I grew up with.
Saturday, October 9, 2004
This picture was taken at my Nana's shortly after I was attacked by a dog. You can notice my how swollen by eye was. I'm not sure why I like this picture but I do. Being attacked by our neighbors dog was one of my first memories, guess sometime those traumatic things just seem to stay in our memories. I remember running from the dog, and trying to get over the fence, one of our neighbors had put me in their yard, which they weren't supposed to do. I remember screaming for my mom, and then the next thing I remember was riding in the back of a car with people holding me down and trying to keep me calm. Then the doctor's putting a sheet over my head with a hole cut in it that fit right over my eye, so they cut stitch me up. I bet I wasn't a pretty sight. I guess being a parent must be a pretty scary thing. And even harder when their little ones get hurt. I'm still trying to figure out why I love this picture so much, maybe because I loved it out at my Nana's. Her farm was so calm and peaceful. I also felt like someone was watching over me in the picture, not sure why though.
My mom just emailed me, she got this in her mountainwings today, thought I'd share it as well.
Learning to Run
The two-year old likes to run.
It warms my heart when I see his funny movements as he runs.
It also scares me because young children have a tendency to fall
I was out shopping with my sons when the two-year old started to
If you are a parent, you completely understand the phrase,
"it hurts you more than it does them." There is something that
pains worse than physical torment to see your little one hurt.
He skinned his knee and elbow. He cried for a few minutes and
finally with the soothing of Daddy, quieted down.
We are like my two-year old.
There are so many areas of life where we must run:
some by choice, some by the force of circumstances.
There are so many new things.
There are so many times when our steps are unsure and we are not
The older I get, the more I understand how a Divine Father can
let us go through some things and fall. I was tempted to stop
my son when I saw him run. I knew that sooner or later, if not
that day then one day, he would fall.
I also knew that if he was to ever learn how to run, he must
fall, and often I had to watch him do it.
I fell in business several times before I was able to run.
I fell in relationships several times before I had sense enough
to stop looking for perfection and know that we all have faults.
Even your second child is reared differently from the first
because you learn some things from falling with that first one.
I fell off of my bicycle.
I fell off of my motorcycle.
I fell on skates (roller and ice).
I even choked a few times while learning to swim.
We often fall when learning to run the things of life.
Too often bruises stop us from ever trying to run again.
We are afraid that we will slip and get hurt.
We are afraid of the pain.
My son runs much better now. I still wince when I see him run
on a hard surface but he won't stop running.
At only two, he has one of the keys of life.
He won't stop running just because he fell.
Your bruises will heal, you will get up,
and the path will still be there.
Though at times you may not think it so,
The Divine Father is still watching over you.
He just knows that he has to let you fall,
If you are ever to learn to run.
Monday, October 4, 2004
Hitchcock compiled the shower sequence in 70-odd takes of two and three seconds each, for which Leigh spent seven days in the shower. Rumors circulated that she was nude, but she wore a flesh-colored moleskin.
Although tame by today's standards, the scene was shocking for the time for its brutality.
Leigh wrote in her 1995 book ''Psycho: Behind the Scenes in the Classic Thriller'' that the filming was easy until the last 20 seconds when she had to express total horror as her character was being slashed to death.
She often said she hadn't been able to take a shower since the movie. ''It's not a hype, not something I thought would be good for publicity,'' she insisted. ''Honest to gosh, it's true.'' I had my own scares of taking showers after that movie myself.
How often do we sit around and think about what we don't have, when we completely ignore what we do have. I am really blessed and I need to think about that more often. Things could be much worse. I have my health, I have close friends. My family is in good health. I have someone special to share my life. I'm enjoying defining my story. I'm enjoying my story too. I could go on and on. But I'm going to wrap it up and just say. I'm thankful for this life!
Saturday, October 2, 2004
Just taking a break letting my sauce simmer. Mike took me to meet his little nephew Asher and just wanted to write what a nice time it was spending with his nephew and mom. It was really awesome to see someone as crazy about their nephew as I am my neice and nephews. He was really good with Asher. We took him for a walk in the rain, gave him a fidgy pop as you can see his chocalate lips in the pictures, played airplane, and went out and had a nice dinner. I really enjoyed it. Tomorrow I have to work, not something I usually do on Sundays, but tomorrow I have too. Got to make some more money somehow. Well now I'm just relaxing, had a nice day went and had lunch with Mike and James some friends of ours and just enjoyed the day. Well got to run and check on the sauce.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
O.k. I've been praying for deliverence from all my problems, most of them self inflicted, and most of them being financial. I wrote about my Sunday school teacher of almost 30 something years ago. After I wrote her name I started thinking about her and her Sunday School classes. The old country church I went to was small, and for my age group there weren't any other kids my age. So I was the only one in Mrs. Martin's class. Mrs Martin was a classy lady with bright red hair like my Nana. She was soft spoken and if you got to loud she would say "you don't run or get loud in God's house". I was crazy about her and looked forward to each one of my classes with her. We started with a prayer, then she would have our lessons, usually she would bring in a pictures from the bible, those old famous paintings, and she would tell me the story. Then I would draw after that, and end with snacktime. One of the pictures I still remember after all these years and thinking about my old Sunday School classes was of three young men standing in fire with angels behind them. The three young men were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, not sure if that's spelled correct. As a child of 5 or 6 this picture scared me but the story I liked, and I'm sure I had plenty of questions for Mrs. Martin after she told it. Anyway this story now reminds me of much that I'm going through. In the lesson if I remember it correctly it was "to love God in spite of our circumstances." Loving God is easy when He grants our requests and provides what we desire. Loving Him in difficult times tests our faith. Those three men made a life and death decision, to worship the golden image, they could live, if they refused, death. These men were full of faith. Is God able to deliver us from all our problems? Yes I think so, Does God always deliver us from our difficulties? No. I guess we may not fully comprehend His purpose in our difficult times, but we must contiue loving HIM. We must trust HIM and hope in HIM in spite of the trials that seem to be overwhelming us at times. I remember when I was a little boy when I said my prayers at night, I would ask for faith. Not sure when I stopped praying that prayer, but I think I need to start again.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Have you ever re-read a classic book from your childhood? Last night I revisited one of my favorites, one filled with with fantasy, of a family of two brothers and two sisters, just like my family. I think I got more out of it now as an adult than I did a child. C.S. Lewis's "Chronicles of Narnia" is the book I'm talking about. What comes to mind for me after reading this again is the ability to tell between good and evil. We do this by the things we focus our spiritual eyes on. If we set our eyes on money, for example, we may have the good life for a while, but our judgement will become clouded. We'll make choices that defy our own values-choices that may devastate our families and destroy us in the end. What am I saying? I guess don't love money. Back to the book, Edmund's lust for sweets leads him to betray his beloved brother and sisters. Eustace's desire for the dragons gold eventually turns him into a dragon. Greed overcomes Prince Caspian on Deathwater Island as he dreams of the power its magic water bring him.
Food, money, power-whereever we focus our spiritual eyes determines what we desire, and whether our lives are filled with light or filled with darkness. "The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light" I remember Mrs. Martin in Sunday School quoting this. I quote everyone in my journal, thought it was time I quote some JESUS!
Friday, September 24, 2004
My mom jokes me about writing a book on our family all the time. Well one day I just might. Today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday mom. I read somwhere about an interview with a mother it went something like. "Do you think all children deserve the full, impartial love and attention of a mother?" "Of course", said the mother. "Well which of the children do you love the most?" he asked hoping to catch her in a contradiction. She answered, "The one who is sick until he gets well, and the one who is away until he gets home.". I thought this was cute. My mom would always and still does write us little notes and letter, and at the bottom, she would always write, I love you the best! It always made us feel special. It was also kind of fun, especially when we would happen across a letter she had written to my sister,and I would open it up and there at the bottom, I love you the best. She loves us all, kind of like God's love for all of us. "God loves every one of us as if there were but one of us to love." St. Augustine Mama thanks for all the prayers you've whispered during the worst moments of our lives, and the many hopes for our success in all that we dreamed of. Thanks for the kind wishes that would make us happy and fullfilled and the gentle words of encouragement that were meant for strenthening us. Thanks for your acceptance, your ability to understand and your friendship that always gave us security. Thanks for your wisdom of all the lessons you taught us, and the meaning behind "unconditional love". Thanks Mama for everything you've done, your the best mom in the world. I love you the best. Happy Birthday!
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
I've been asking myself tonight what brings me back to my heart. I think we have a two dimensional version of this which we call our "quiet times". I find it hard at times to find my quiet times. Sometimes it's about as hard to find my quiet times as it is to floss my teeth. I need to do that too. But when I do find my quiet times, I realize the greater picture. I need my quiet times for survival. I think at times I give a halfhearted attempt at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is that we "ought to". But I'm becoming more and more convinced I have to have it. Time each day with God isn't about academic study or getting through a certain amount of scripture or any of that. It's more about a connection for me. Maybe it's His heart I'm trying to get back too.
What brings you back to your heart and the heart of God?
Monday, September 20, 2004
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Judi is having a contest that she is sponsering on How Art has influenced my life. So couldn't resist participating. I havn't written an essay since college, but here goes.
Check it out here http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/entries/1039
Art has influenced my life, but life has influenced my art. Art has always told a story to me. The first artist I remember was my mother, who drew beautiful women all the time. I loved these drawings she drew for me, and I found myself drawing lovely women myself. My love for beautiful faces was born. As a young boy I escaped life by drawing, most of the images that I created told a story. As a young boy I drew pictures of people looking in mirrors. I wanted to express a concept of what life is like looking into a mirror, which obscures what is really there. It is practically impossible to know someone from a self-portrait, but I've always been fascinated with faces. Mirrors helped me show something else. What the faces were really feeling, or maybe what I was really feeling. Artists seem to be very busy revealing bits of ourselves, from piece to piece that we create. Looking at several of my drawings you'll see not only things and people I love, but also things I find disturbing.
I grew up on a peanut and corn farm in South Georgia, lived almost every waking moment outdoors, playing and working with my family. Plants and animals seemed much more real to me than people. So nature was my first influence in art, nature gave me my start and my basis from which to grow. It also grew with my nightmares, I had some terrible nightmares as a child, and with each nightmare came more drawings.
My love of art grew as I grew, I read and studied everything I could but my influence was from nature and trying to capture the beauty of our fellow earthlings. I think of how very similar to the rest of nature we are. What purpose could my drawings possibly serve, if not some spiritual service? Art is the illumination of life in collaboration with the creative Spirit. What a blessing it is to experience the Blue Planet, to walk or swim or climb along and see so much life here! I pray that we'll always be able to enjoy these moments of shared existence.
When I was a teenager, one of my teachers noticed my love for art, and took me to the city, Atlanta, Georgia to visit museums, and art galleries. Places I'd never seen before. I loved it, and couldn't get enough. I loved writing also, and something about drawing and capturing images was almost like writing, drawing telling a story without the words, but expressing those images that are mental and spiritual. I found something that made me diffrent from others. Symbolism of my own childhood and life are usually in my art.
The practices of artist is informed by the theories on arts that we as artists may have. We can take our personal theories and apply them to our art. I was self taught and I don't know if I follow any real genre in art. We create our own totem so to speak. Theories are an integral part of an artists decision making or practice, that goes with each and every artwork that an artist produces.
Monday, September 13, 2004
I am here to tell you that you can get your heart back. But your going to have to fight for it. I want all wounds healed and strength restored. I'm a fighting. Today I've been sitting with my thoughts, ever changing thoughts. Sometimes thinking of the pain, but then something just saying let go. Don't hold onto the pain, just let go. I read Barb's journal yesterday, about seeing what is in front of us and being thankful. Things may get hard, but seeing what we do have and being happy with that. I am happy and I have faith things are going to even get better. It funny how some days I feel so lost in my journey and other's I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I've let my past hold me back so much. Not liking the person I was at one time, blaming things of my dad for not initiating me into life and my journey. But my heavenly father is taking me on that journey and providing for me what was missing. A hope seems to be rising up in me one that wishes I could draw something or paint something to show that feeling like my friend Judith. I don't want to dismiss this hope I want to do something wondeful with it. I think I have some pretty good things I can pray for tonight. I wonder if I have enough quiet times, I surly need my quiet times, in the early morning, or late night to think and pander about life. I've been whining lately, why me, why can't I get out of this hole I'm in financially. But maybe there's a lesson, maybe God is trying to teach me something. God I have faith in you and what your teaching me, I don't love you because I want you to make my life easier. ( Althought I do have those selfish prayers at time)
What questions have you been asking? Question to self, Have I been asking the right questions?
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Thursday, September 2, 2004
As everyone may know Cousin Francis is out there swirling and wild. I live right on the beach. Not sure where it's going to hit, I pray it's not here. There's sure to be flooding so it's probably going to be wild. If you have any doubts as to whether or not God loves wildness, spend the night in the woods...alone. Take a walk out in a thunderstorm. Go for a swim with a bunch of killer whales. Go out in a field with some bulls like I did as a child. Whose idea was this anyway all this wildness? The great reefs with it's sharks, the wolves in my dreams, the jungles of India with it's tigers, the deserts of the Southwest with all those rattlesnakes-would you describe them as "nice place"? Most of the earth is not safe; but it's good
After God created all this, He pronounced it good, for heaven's sake. It's His way of letting us know He rather prefers adventure, danger, risk, the element of surprise. This whole creation is unapologetically wild. God loves it that way. So do I.
Do you love wildness? How much of your life are you trying to control these days?
Wednesday, September 1, 2004
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
A couple of weeks ago I had a dream I shared with Judith Heartsong http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/. I think looking at all her beautiful paintings made me dream of one. Anyway this beautiful woman took me on a journey to a hillside and when we got there I saw two ferocious wolves, that looked as if they could tear me apart, in fear I took off running, when I heard the woman tell me not to be afraid that they were part of me. I stopped and looked at her and she was smiling, then I looked at the wolves right as they were about to leap upon me, but instead of tearing me to shreds they just jumped into me. They were part of me. I've been meditating like she and Virginia had said, and I do believe somehow they are helpers. When I went home to see my family I was shocked to by how much Eli had grown, Dena asked me how I liked his tshirt, it was one I had given him a year ago that he'd grown into, and on it was little wolves that I had gotten him while I was In Washington. Guess these wolves have been a part of me longer than I realized. In my meditations I've been seeing myself as a warrier. Above all else a warrier has a vision; he has a trancendence to his life, a cause greater than self-preservation. The root of all woes and our false self was this; We were seeking to save our life and we lost it. We are being called beyond that I believe. The quality of a true warrier is that he is in service to a purpose greater than himself; that is, to a trancendent cause. Kind of like the heart of Jesus. Wow would I love to have a heart like that. Guess in my meditations I've been wondering what qualities of a warrier do I possess. Have you ever asked yourself that question?
P.S. Pictures of my new nephew Ethan Zane will be added soon. He was a healthy 8lbs 4 oz's little boy. Eli welcomed him with a kiss.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Happy Birthday Eli, my nephew is really a blessing to all of us, he had a wonderful birthday party, with ice cream and cake. Made me think back of all the old video's of me as a child. Eli's baby chair is the same one I ate from as a child. They make such a beautiful family. This has been a wonderful visit. Never quite long enough though. Seems like yesterday Autumn was two. She's such a big girl now.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
"No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth."
Do you ever confuse the truth about yourself with a facade? I keep telling myself I have what it takes. I want a deeper knowing though, there is knowledge about and knowledge of, when it comes to the two I think it is the latter we need more of. Sound to me I'm still trying hard to find the real me. I know I'm here. I was thinking the other day, how close to the real me is this journal, I think if some people who read my journal that really know me, may be surprised I have all this in me, I've got diffrent sides to me. Usually I'm a pretty quiet person, but there is always something going through this big taterhead of mine. Mostly I'm thinking of who I am, and where do I go with this question, well I write in my journal, I pray. I know my true name can never be taken away fom me. There is something very deep in my heart. I know where I've come from, I like to say I know where I'm going, but that's not all together true. I'm still being tested every day, I'm not that crazy about tests either. I know I have to face my Enemy. Wow where is this coming from, kind of scares me again. Am I still becoming a man?
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Monday, August 9, 2004
Saturday, August 7, 2004
Monday, August 2, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
I've been asking myself this question a lot lately. If you had permission to do what you really wanted to do, what would it be. I'm not asking how, that will cut your desire off at the knees. My life as an adventure. Sometimes I think our desires are buried deep and it takes some unearthing to get to them. I think we should pay attention to our desire. Sometimes the clues are in our past, in the moments when we found ourselves loving what we were doing. The details change as we grow, but the themes remain the same. I love reading everyone's journals and reading about the things they love. With Judi it's her art, http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/ it makes her alive, and just looking at her art makes me feel alive. What a wonderful gift. With Carol, http://journals.aol.com/eynl/HappeningsduringtheairIbreathe/ , it's her love for life and her family. Peachy, http://journals.aol.com/jcgeorgiapeach/ThePeachPages/ her love for writing and letting you escape and be brought somewhere wonderful in her writings, an adventure just in everyday life, through her love for her family and all of mankind. Barb, http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/LETTERSTOHEAVEN/, and her letters to heaven that speak to our soul, she brings inspiration to my life everyday. I could go on and on. I love these journals they speak to my heart everyday.
What did you always dream of doing or being.... and is it still alive in you?
Monday, July 26, 2004
The depth of this realm is simply to vast.
Once I tried to maneuver people.
Now I use that power to manipulate words.
How bright will my light be?
How long will the aches of the past last?
I will go on and shine in doing so.
The respecet that I show myself
The good deeds that I do for others
Why does one want what he can't have?
Is it the bite of denial that entices us?
I am strong in saying it was never just lust.
Why did yout touch the beat of my heart?
I struggle to hold onto my grace...
While lying in the dark.
To forget would be the ultimate sin.
You were given to me...if only for a while
To aid in my survival...is to always remember your smile.
This is what's happening when I'm
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Well boy do I have a house full. But I love it, Sherry's boyfriend Mark grilled some of the best salmon I've ever had. Jerk Salmon over a bed of rice, with a nice salad on the side. Sherry made a yummy lemon pie for dessert, I'd be as big around as a house if they were here long. Autumn is as sweet as ever. She really knows how to work Uncle Derek, she'll change the pitch just one octive and say P-L-E-A-S-E and that is all it takes. Those big blue eyes of hers doesn't hurt any either. Wish I had the day off so I could spend with them, but it's off to work I go! I had some pretty awful dream last night, kind of weirded me out. Maybe I need to write Jojolona see what she thinks. Tonight I get to Autumnsit, while Sherry and Mark go out on the town. Looking forward to that, I can hear her now, "Tell me a story"
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Monday, July 19, 2004
How often of the day are you being true to yourself? Can you say yes, when you mean yes, and no when you mean no? Why is Derek asking so many questions today. Well I had a aweomse weekend. My friend J came down from Atlanta Friday, and we had a wonderful time catching up, and talking about life, and having fun on the beach. One of our conversations was about love, and he mentioned how confusing it was to him. And he wondered if he really even knew what it was. So the last couple of days I've been thinking about it. A lot I guess. Thinking of past loves, memories, mistakes, trying to be sure not to make the same mistakes again. I don't write a whole lot about what I feel about love, but maybe it's time I share some of my viewpoints. They may be a little diffrent, but maybe not so diffrent after all. Seems like love is on everybodies mind these days, mine included. Everyone has that need to connect. Ok, I have met someone, it's just been recent, I really havn't dated or anything in the last year and a half, so this is all pretty new again to me. But it feels good. Scary at times but all in all it feels good. Notice I said scary at times. Seems fear is always the enemy no matter what subject we are talking about. I think the pain we suffer in relationships are because of staying faithful to our fears and to a past that no longer serves us. Our unwillingness to grow is the painful part. I wrote that poem the other day to myself. I want to get it right for a change. We have choices, a choice between freedom and fear, drama and passion, lust and love. A long time ago I thought everything was kind of left up to chance or fate. I think Love is up to us. Scary for me to even say the word sometimes, much less write about it. When J shared his thoughts to me about love, I just told him, I think it's up to us, the love in our lives depends on how we perceive ourselves. We need to be accepting of ourselves. He then took a little bit of a defense and replies with how we have to protect ourselves, watch our backs. I told him I understand him feeling that way, we've all been hurt. There's so much to love to me. One of the most overwhelming feeling to me about love is desire. I don't want to let in blindsigh me, I've done this before in thepast. This is not really a subject I talk about much, so changing the subject. So why all the talk about love and relationships. Guess I'm just happy and scared, and you know what it's ok to be. I have met someone I'd love to get to know better. I'm not going to run into it with my blinders on. I'm happy to feel this way. Just take it day by day, that's about all I can do. Love is messy don't you think. It's rarely what we think it should be, and we are rarely what we would like to be when we are in love. On one hand we want love to be enough, yet on the other hand, we are rarely satisifed with the love we have, so fear and love battle it out. For me I've become silent when i wanted so to connect, I've jumped in fast when I knew I must slow down. I've acted cool, when i really was hot. I smiled on the outside, when I was angry on the inside. I've put on an act, then worried I wouldn't be loved for whi I really was. We reach out. We shut down, We cry, We run, We doubt. But you know what we can't live without it. I've gone with out love for a year and a half. Now I'm happy to say, i'm sure not going to run from it. Ok, do you think I've over analyzed what it's all about? Be honest!
Have you ever heard the crowns we wear in heaven must be won on earth. This is the thought or thoughts that were in my mind when I wrote that last poem. Sometimes I wonder how many times will I have to do some things to learn a lesson. Quitting smoking is harder than I thought it would be. I do good for weeks, and then boom, I'm back to killing my lungs. Not just quitting smoking, there are many things I've done before that I've told myself I would never do again. There's a story I remember about three men crossing the Sahara on horseback. They approched a dry creek bed, and heard a voice tell them to pick up some pebbles, put them in their pockets, and not look at them till the next morning. They were promised if they obeyed they would be both glad and sad. They did what the voice said, mounted their horses and went on their way. As the sunrise came at dawn, they reached in their pockets to find the pebbles had transformed to rubies and diamonds. They realized the significance of their promise that they would be both glad and sad. They were happy they picked up the pebbles but sorry that they hadn't collected more. Looking up to Heaven the other day on the beach, I only saw it peeking out of a hole in a cloud. Do we get that feeling when we all get to Heaven, like the song. We will be happy for the treasures we have in Heaven, but maybe regretful that we didn't do more to serve HIM when we had the opportunities. That poem I wrote meant a lot of things to me. Sometimes I want so bad to have someone to love and someone to love me. But for now I'm happy to have friends, and know that someone up there in Heaven loves me, and that is enough. I'm happy most of the time, so maybe it's not so bad, but when I after I finished the poem, I felt kind of sad. Guess we just got to make the most of our opportunites here on the big blue marble, so that we'll be more glad than sad.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
When you find yourself doing
What you said you would never do
Then you have lost your sight
And are searching to hard
Outside of you
For someone to complete
What really only you can do
Find the one inside
And be happy
With what is you
When you're hurting others
For your own protection
It opens in your wounds
That does't heal with words
Or sorrow filled expressions
For you can't take back
The damage you do
In a moments indiscretion
it stays in the memory
to continually abuse
It makes you realize you're someone
No one would want to be
Leading to shock and disbelief
Anger, frustration and self-pity
And you think, pretty righteous, I am me
And what direction you take
Will determine the one you will be
Make the effort to change - or
Disappear into self
And be a bane to society.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Monday, July 12, 2004
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Well it's time again for my weekly celebration of one of my ancestors. As a young boy I would look at this painting of my ancestor. He looked mean to me when I was young. But life was not easy in those days and hardships they did have to endure. There's a show that comes on PBS where people of today relive the colonial time period, It's called "Colonial House", even Oprah made an appearance on it. Can you imagine living in those day?
Rev. Richard Murphy Tucker of Georgia was a minister, a farmer, and a soldier. He lived in Laurens Co., GA and moved after 1827 to Irwin Co. He drew land in the 1827 land lottery. He lived in the 5th district. In 1856 Irwin Co was split and their home area became part of the new Berrien Co. He had a home near the community of Gladys in North Berrien Co. He was licensed to preach 27 Jan 1838, fully ordained 22 May 1841. Preached at Young's Meeting House (Brushy Creek Church) 1847-1870. 1850 census Irwin Co. shows land value of $1000 with sons Jacob, Elisha, Elijah and John A. helping farm the home place.
Birth: 18 Mar 1801 in Montgomery Co, GA.
Death: 6 Oct 1874 in Berrien Co, GA.
Burial: Oct 1874 Tucker-Purvis Cemetery, Gladys, Berrien Co, GA.
Married Mary "Mollie" Vernell Paulk in Wilkinson County, Georgia in 1820, she was the daughter of Micajah Paulk and Mary Catherine Young.
Richard Murphy Tucker is the son of Henry Crawford Tucker and grandson of Henry Tucker b: 14 Sep 1652 in Port Royal, Bermuda.