Monday, July 5, 2004

Thought on a Monday Evening

As many of you may know I've been revisiting some old wounds.  I try and keep my journals happy, but sometimes happy is not exactly what I'm feeling, tonight I've been thinking about the strength of mine that my wounds targeted.  How can I learn about my strengths and identity from my wounds?  Sometimes I feel i came into this world kicking and screaming, I was breach, and a part of me feels I wasn't quite ready to come back, I think i was enjoying where I was before.  The scene's we're living is no sitcom, it's a battle at times.  These blows we've taken, they were not random accidents at all, they hit dead center I think.  The thing I was meant to be seemed to take the hardest blows.  I've always had a gift of imagination, and writing words,and my art.  But my wounds always told me I wasn't good enough, or I was too diffrent.  I needed to be more like everyone else.  Those wounds tried to take out what I was meant for.  I was told many times I shouldn't go into art because I wasn't good enough.  I am good enough.  If it's still my dream I can go after whatever I want.  On and on it goes, the wound is too well aimed and far too consistent to be accidental.  It's like an attempt to take us out; to cripple or destroy our strenght and get us out of the action.  I am so thankful for my supporters, my mother who always believed in me.   A friend years ago when I started drawing again, made me feel talented and framed my work like they were works of art.  The internet friends I've made through my journals that keep telling me tomorrow is a new day and I can make of each new day however I like.  Your all blessing to me.  Thank you!

5 comments:

indigosunmoon said...

Your good enough...your smart enough...and doggonit...people like you!
Just wanted to say that to maybe make ya smile Derek.  
Visiting old wounds is so hard.  I have found myself doing it quite often
these days.   We are stronger because of those wounds...or so I hear.
I must say...that if I hadnt gone through some of the things I've gone through
I wouldnt be the person I am today.  A loving, caring, compassionate human being.
You are a spectacular person my new friend.
Much love to you!
Connie

barbpinion said...

I love your journal and love getting acquainted with the YOU that is writing it. I've seen some of your pain, been able to relate to the high points of your life and am always drawn, especially so, to the spiritual side of you, that is, contrary to your feelings....winning. How can you learn about your strengths and identity from your wounds, you ask? You're learning right now, my friend. Every word you write, every feeling expressed, every emotion felt, whether good or bad, moves you through life. Tomorrow does bring another day, but the most precious moments are the ones you are living right not. We seldom see ourselves as others do. When you insist on 'living life" rather than exisiting...you are learning and growing. I see so much growth in you, and am proud of what you've accomplished thus far. The Scriptures say "the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord." This is comforting, is it not? It means you're right on track. What "feels" out of control isn't. Nothing comes into or departs from your life without first getting GOD's stamp of approval on it. You are a wonderful person. MY life is better for having you in it. Much love to you. *Barb*

jojolona said...

talent is a gift to be share not criticized.  Pay no attention to those thoughts that tell you you aren't good enough, they will only stifle your growth and happiness.

lamove04 said...

So many of us are told that we are not "good enough", in art or other things. I got this message repeatedly growing up--what a disservice. We are all artists in one form or another. I'm glad that your wounds aren't holding you back... Albert

gbgoglo said...

Reading this reminded me of the Potter's Hands.  Old wounds, tragedies, hurts...they all mold and transform us.  Your talent, your creative abilities are your gifts from God.  No one has a right to criticize you and don't allow them to.  You're a beautiful person.  I, like Barb, am attracted to your spiritual side and have enjoyed learning about YOU through your journal.  You just follow your heart and let God be your navigator... Hugs and blessings...gloria