Monday, January 30, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Oh man these past two days have been rough. I woke up Tuesday morning and much to my surprise couldn't straighten up. I was in some kind of pain. I was lucky enough to have Mike helping me get to the doctor and play nursemaid to me. I'm not the kind of person that really likes that either. He kind of had to put his foot down and say ok, I'm here for you this is when your supposed to ask for my help. I get so stubborn. But I finally realized I couldn't do it without him. He's been really good helping me get up and down and to the doctor. I got the xrays done yesterday. I'm thinking I must have pulled a muscle or something not sure. But it's feeling much better than it was. Not sure if it was all the sneezing and coughing I was doing or what. But I'm definately the crooked man. Mike keeps laughing at me but I don't think it's that funny. But I can see how he thinks it is. I definately look funny. Well can't sit here for long without pain, so back to my painpills and bed. I feel like I'm going to be about better by Sunday. Where have these four days gone? I am suddenly desparate for time while energy flows out just trying to get up out of the bed. Backpain, not something I would wish on my worst enemy. Well I don't really have an enemy. Little by little I find myself leaning towards sleep like bear that that longs to curl up somewhere and hybernate. I'm definately rested. The pain pills and muslce relaxers could have much to do with that as well. I did walk out earlier and went to the store to get some milk. The light was dazzling, and the cold air felt wonderful. Oh I'm missing my running very bad. I'm just wondering how long I'm going to go without running. I guess I'll start all over again and just try not to overdue it. Mike is out now having a job interview, hope it goes well for him. I wish I could write with a clear mind, but the cobwebs caused by the muscle relaxers and painpills are leaving my mind kind of blurry. Times like this do make me think I'm looking for something, an answer I need, or hoping to hear His voice, and wit me laying on my butt I'm not too busy to listen, so He helps us by letting us lay down for awhile so we can look up! I've been wanting to be still for a while, well here I am now very still, and of course I'm wanting not to be still.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
Yesterday our sermon was "Love one another", the one thing Jesus told the disciples would show the world you are a Christian. I think Dr. Martin Luther King Jr did. His goal was justice and equality based on human dignity, not skin color. He led a nonviolent struggle against racial discrimination and issued a plea for the civil rights of African-Americans. I believe to treat people with fairness and love in part of our responsibility. I attest to Dr. King's love for all of mankind regardless to their religion or racial persuasion. He was a great speaker and preacher. I enjoy listening to his sermons and reading some of his letter that he wrote to other pastors while in jail in Alabama.
" Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend."
- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. And every now and then I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize; that isn’t important.
Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards; that’s not important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school.
I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King Jr., tried to give his life serving others.
I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King Jr., tried to love somebody.
I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question.
I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry.
And I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked.
I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison.
I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.
Yes, if you want to saythat I was a drum major, say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. And that's all I want to say.
If I can help somebody as I pass along,
If I can cheer somebody with a word or song, If I can show somebody he's traveling wrong, Then my living will not be in vain.
If I can do my duty as a Christian ought, If I can bring salvation to a world once wrought, If I can spread the message as the master taught, Then my living will not be in vain.
Yes, Jesus, I want to be on your right or your left side, not for any selfish reason. I want to be on your right or your left side, not in terms of some political kingdom or ambition. But I just want to be there in love and in justice and in truth and in commitment to others, so that we can make of this old world a new world.
~excerpted from a sermon by Martin Luther King Jr., delivered at Ebenezer Baptist Church, Atlanta, Georgia, on February 4, 1968~
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Sunday, January 8, 2006
It's exhilaratingly cold for a change, cold and bright. There have been many moments of pure joy this week. Maybe it's the exercise, not sure, but I'm going to try to stay on the same road. This morning when I got up for my run there were squirrels everywhere, guess there doing last minute grocery shopping for nuts. I looked for birds but only saw a few fly over, so today was pretty sparse for birdwatching. So I just eased into the music of my ipod and got to business at hand and ran. Funny how we can find joy out of such small things. The new toothbrush I bought even brought me joy as I brushed my teeth this morning. Ok, now I'm getting carried away. But quite honestly the early morning is the time of purest joy, somehow I've forgotten this. When I lived at the beach I always went to bed by 9, and was up early to enjoy it. In the move, I've somehow just lost that feeling of the early mornings, maybe because I never go to bed till 11 or after now, and early mornings I mostly feel groggy. I hit the sack by 10 last night and was up early. I did enjoy it, how the sun shines as it rises. So my day was started with a lift. The river sounded nice.
There is still an undertow of depression. As I know Mike has not been so happy lately, not enjoying his job or hours. It seems harder for him than it does for me us being apart. For me it just makes me appreciate him more when we are together. Now it's time for me to wake him to get ready for church, I hope he's as happy as I am this morning and maybe it will rub off on him. Bless us a lot today! And bless anyone out there a lot as well.
Friday, January 6, 2006
Monday, January 2, 2006
Chris over at http://itsallaboutmeithink.blogspot.com/ tagged me on 5 weird habits of mine.
1. I bite my fingernails
2. I pick my toenails
These two are the two that drive Mike the craziest
3. I shake my foot to make myself go to sleep, and from what Mike says I shake my foot in my sleep as well.
4. I crunch/eat ice all the time.
5. I brush my teeth a lot.
In 1999 I started a time travelers journal, a place for me to reflect on the past, present, and future as I was traveling towards the turn of the century and the beginning of a new millennium. I made wishes for the 21st centrury. I made visions of what the Big Picture was for me at the time. Here it is another New Year and I'm still feeling I'm looking for many of the same things. I'm still looking for the "Big Picture" so to speak. I'm still looking for peace of mind, and purpose. I go back six years and read over my journals and I'm thankful. I remember those really hard times I was going through. I feel stronger in many ways today. I described last year of at times being painful. But it really wasn't so painful or hard as the first steps I took six years ago. I also read of New Years's of this closeness I felt with nature or the spirit. I still long for that closeness. I'm still looking for happiness within myself. I think about the first steps of healing or recovering that I took a little over six years ago, and I think now, am I still recovering?
Another New Year yes, as I ran today, my first run for the New Year. I was thinking of some of the people I chat with, I hear they have bitter cold and deep snow in parts of England and my friend Steve is expecting a foot of snow in Illinois, while here on the coast it is as warm as April, I was out in shorts and a tank, and not the least bit cold. This year, this wonderful New Year, is fitting for me at any rate. I look back on the disasters of 2005. And hopes for rebuilding of 2006. I'm looking for a feeling inside myself that will take off and soar. I started a new aol blog earlier since I'm starting my training again for the Gate River Run, check it out at http://journals.aol.com/tallnfuzzy/GettingReadyfortheGateRiverRun20/
I also find myself really interested in my genealogy again, and have been working on that, turning back to roots and the great influences, going back in order to draw strentgth from some of the deep sources and people that have shaped my life;family and friends. I spoke of reflections the day before New Years, but still find myself looking back. I feel on this day the second day of the year, I am in a quiet way blooming. This year I have goals, no resolutions, just goals, hope, and faith. And maybe the gloomy parts I've felt the last two months will just go away.