Thursday, June 30, 2005

Autumn's first haircut

I told you about Autumn and her new do.  Well this is the first picture I've been sent back.  She does look a lot more grown up, but I think it's cute, just like her.  I can't wait to take some new pictures of her when I go home.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Hope and Faith

I'm cat sitting this week for our church's cat.  I think I mentioned Hope before.  She was waiting for me this morning when I arrived.  I gave her a little love, let her go out twice today, and gave her a little treat.  Yes, I'm allergic too cats, but couldn't help playing with her and taking some shots.  It has been raining for days.  Seems  like it's going to be raining for quite a few. 

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

One year ago today

I had many different teacher’s during my lifetime, but one stands out in my memory from college.  He was a big, ex military, hairy psychology teacher and my first advisor in college.  He probably broke every rule and technicque if they have those to be a good teacher, but what I remember most is how much he loved us… and we loved him.  He always had a smile on his face.  He always made us feel good about ourselves.  He took a warm personal interest in us as students.  He gave us full attention when he had us in his office, and we gave him full attention in our classes.  Teacher’s are pretty awesome, they may not find fame, but they shape so many lives by the people they know and teach.  I have many teacher’s like that.  What made me think of this today, well for one thing a year ago this day I met someone that came into my life.  From the first time I saw him, there was something I saw that was familiar.  Something that I felt was supposed to be close.  I’ve never told him this but he reminded me of that teacher.  That teacher that at a time in my life I was very lonely, and he really made an impact on me.  At first it was the resemblance, then after I got to know him.  I saw more of him by the attention he showed me.  Sometimes its hard for me to accept a lot of attention.  I shun it, I turn away from it.  Maybe it scares me at times because I don’t want to lose it, like I’ve lost many other’s.  It’s been a wonderful year.  When I met him I was getting to know me really well.  Because that was about the only person I was spending time with.  I had withdrew from much of the things around me and shut myself off from much of the world.  I was able to love someone again, and let them love me.  It has been really wonderful, even though he never takes out the trash.  J   Remember singing that song as a kid.  “This light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.  I feel like my light is shining when I’m with him.  I feel safe.   I feel happy.  I love you Mike!  Its been raining most of the day.  We went to our tree and took some pictures.  Am I cheesing or what?

Let Him move the stone


I was reading my entry I had written about one of my ancestors, and re-reading it.  Something hit me that didn’t hit me when I had written it, it hit me over the head like the rock she was trying to move.  I thought about the stone that God moved, not the one she was wanting to move that had blocked the way.  But the one of His burial place.  I remember something about the women going there to anoint his body were worried about the difficulty of moving  the heavey stone that sealed His tomb.  But their fears were groundless.  It had already been moved.

So I started thinking, this is what she meant when she was talking about He will move the Stone, she was actual talking from scripture.  I’m sure the bible was probably something read a good bit. 

Makes me think of how we think of the difficulties so much in our lives, but each one can be overcome.  I remember when I was asked if I could have one thing what would I want when I was a little boy.  Well besideslots of spaghetti and paper to draw on.  It was faith.  I would say it, because I actually heard it in a sermon.  But now I think of it and I know that’s what we have to have.  So just like my great great great great grandma Rebecca Paulk said “God will move the Stone!”  So whatever it is that seems to be blocking the way, let your heart be cheerful, whatever difficulty you may face, “God will move the Stone”,  why because my 4 great granny said so.

Monday, June 27, 2005


We are not


Parking meter of the flesh

tabernacles of the soul

prose by Derek

Railroad Tracks

I remember as a little boy of five or six standing on the railroad tracks, thinking that these tracks go over the entire world.  I thought back then it even went over the Ocean.  I used to fantacize about a world out there beyond the country.  I used to stand in the tracks and wonder if it went to the Ocean.  Now I think about those same railroad tracks.  The iron road across the United States.  I think about those Native American's as they watched there land be changed.  I also think of being a teenager and wanting to jump on one of those trains and an adventure.  It was always about an adventure.  Guess it still is.  I wonder what Autumn was thinking on these tracks? 

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Sleepy Sunday

We got up late and went to church.  Mike and Tony  met us there.  It was a good sermon as usual, Pastor Linda always speaks from the heart.  Today it was definately from the heart.  She read from her diary a year ago the day before her first day at our church.  All the wonders and hopes for our church and congregation.  We had lunch with Alan, Susan, and her afterwards.  Good food, good company.  Then we got home, I guess I was a little ill, not sure, but Mike and I got into a little bit of a spat, over something silly.  It's always something silly it seems.  But I do love him.  I hope he knows how much!  Something else pretty wonderful has happened.  I got an email from one of my cousins that has recently come out to his family.  I can only say it feels really good talking to him, and conversing with him on the phone and through emails.  Our grandfather's were brother's.  O.K. Jland prayers and good thoughts going out to him.  Glad our path's have crossed.  Can't believe it's Monday tomorrow already.  At least fourth of July weekend is coming up.  Three day weekend!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Cleaning Day

Woke up this morning at 10:00, my only day of the week that I sleep late.  I woke up and started cleaning.  Mike came in shortly after with some groceries.  Five hours later we were through cleaning.  It sure felt great afterwards.  I love it when everything is clean and in it's place.  Feels like everything is allright in the world.  We've had a very relaxing day.  Watching movies, playing on the computer.  Mike's drawing trees right now, neither one of us is sleepy.  Even Abby got a bath.  It's rained most of the day today.  I want to get out tomorrow after church and take some pictures on the river.  Can't belive next week is July 4th already.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Message from Autumn

Today at work I got a phone call, I answered to a little voice saying "Hey, what are you doing?"  "Are you going to come see me this weekend?"  I was excited to hear it was awesome.  My answer to her was "Maybe".  She then said,  "what are you doing right now?"  I told her I was working.  She then asked me where I worked, I told her, followed by what do you do.  So I told her talk on the telephone and work on the computer.  Next question from a five year old now. "How much do you make?".  I then asked her why?  She said because I want to spend it!  I laughed, changed the subject to her haircut and I heard she got a haircut, and I asked her did she still look like Autumn.  She answered, No, I don't.  Then I asked her who she looked like then.  She said a ten year old!  I told her I didn't want her older than she was to stay five.  Then she went back to the earlier conversation.  Her comment, "You said Maybe earlier, that doesn't mean yes, are you coming to see me?"  I really want too bad!  I always love seeing that little one.  I still can't make up my mind, my air conditioner quit working, I'm broke, and I really don't want to drive 3 hours there, and three back on Sunday.  I don't think I'm going to make it.  I need a weekend to clean.  But I can't wait to see her new do!  Mama said they were talking the other day and Autumn had asked her what she would do if it was her last day on earth,  I think she's been watching too many movies where comets are crashing towards Earth.  Anyway mama told her she didn't know, what would she do.  Autumns answer, "I'd turn around and kiss my butt goodbye!"  "Then I'd say hey to Jesus." 

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Two Whites

Aren't these two beautiful!  They were two of the beautiful horses up at the place Sherry and Mark got married.  What did they signify.  For me it was purity, prosperity, and good fortune.    All good things for a wedding don't you think.  They were beautiful.  I took a break a quick walk up to see these two while they were busy with the wedding rehersal.  Those eyes just seem to talk too me.  I've always loved white horses. 

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Imagination and my dream

I’ve always been told I have a great imagination.  I remember being told this from an early age.  Imagination sure does rule the world.  I mean just think about this for a minute. The things we have today are the result of someone’s imagination.  Scalzi writes about these gadgets all the time: Ipods, GPS navigation, angioplasty, robot for defense, etc, well I havn’t seen him write on angioplasty yet.  All these things are all the results of someone’s dreams, I have friends who are living there dreams.  That had an idea and ran with it.  They are living it.  How’s the saying go:


"Work hard, and it will work out, or be OK."


I’ve always told myself everything will be ok, I think I’ve always told everyone else that too.  I guess that’s true and false all in the same sentence.  It works out, maybe not the way we want but it always works out.  Seems like for years, no it doesn’t seem, I have worked for many years in a job that I really enjoy, I’m good at it, but it’s not my dream.  I can pay my bills, I can save a bit now.  And hopefully do some things from time to time that are out of the ordinary.  I want Mike and I to take a nice trip next year somewhere.  I want us to save for something better.  I also have dreams for me.  For something Bigger.  I know that will mean work harder, doing and not trying.  I’m trying to visualize it.  Talk to me J-Land.  Tell me your dreams.  I’d love to hear about some.  Mine has to do with my photography.  I want to design a website for my art and photography.  I want to get more talented.  I want to stir emotion.  Somedays I feel like a slave to the corporate world.  I have imagination! Atleast that’s what I’ve been told, time to believe in it.  Time to launch my ideas.  Time to do.  Keep me in your prayers!  Who knows maybe one day I will have some picture in TIME magazine.  I dream big huh?  I’ll post my website on here as soon as I get it done.





Monday, June 20, 2005

More on Change

Change, it’s something I’ve probably written about a good bit on this journal.  It’s something we can be sure of in life.  I’ve been noticing how our relationships have changed.  It seems many of our friends who are couples are going through changes.  After years their relationships are changing.  People are breaking up all around us.  Here we are the new couple and everyone around us seems to be coming to the end in their relationships.  I’m still hopeful for many of them, the ones that I can see something good in, the ones I feel they can work past their differences.  I also know from experience that some times loving means letting go, no matter how hard that may seem.  It’s a lesson I didn’t want to learn but did.  So yes change is one certainty in our world.  I know this is really hard for Mike.   I can’t really tell you how he feels only how he comes across about this.  He said it was hard with us just starting out and seeing others that had worked for so long giving up.  I think he feels fear for us.  I try to encourage him and tell him we are just us, not anyone else.  Time will always tell.  We just have to know.  I got home today and finally made one change for the day anyway.  I went jogging again.  It was a great jog.  I jogged for an hour at least.  I ran on the river it was nice finding my own place, this is one thing I've been searching for my quiet place in my head.  Mike's great, he's very supportive.   I keep things bottled up sometimes, and it's hard for me to let some things out.  I'm glad he called me on it today.  All and all I had a really nice day.  I felt really good all day.  Very good, very confident.  Just a all around good day.  Thank you God!  Bless me a lot tommorrow too!  Hope all is well with everyone! 

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Into the West

Not sure if anyone out there on J-Land has been watching this show, we watched last weeks first episode and loved it.  It's about history so I loved it.  Here's a cool website about it if you'd like to know more.

We've had a good weekend.  Yesterday we slept late, I cooked and played on the internet, Mike went shopping with Mike, then we all went and saw the new Batman movie!  Which I loved.  There was a pretty powerful quote in it that I really liked.  - "It's not who I am underneath... But what I do that defines me".
Batman- Batman Begins. 
We all went out to Chile's and out later to the watering hole.  This morning we went to church and our friend Mike went with us.  It was another great sermon.  Pastor Linda spoke of fond memories and things that she got from her father.  She preached on "Letting Go", I wish I'd taped it.   She quoted from Henry Nouwen "Inner Voice of Love".  I've got to get that book.  I sure can relate to it.  Happy Father's Day to all the father's out there in J-Land, and to my Father, brother Lance, and brother-in-law Andy.

Happy Father's Day

A couple of years ago I had taken all my mom and dad's old movies and made a vcr tape of them.  They were tapes dating back to when my dad was in high school all the way till I was around 8 or nine.  My grandfather had an old video recorder, he passed it on to my dad, and now I have it, it doesn't work though, but I still have it as a reminder.  Most of these old films I may have seen when I was younger but not as an adult.  I saw these films of me as a baby and as a toddler.  Sometime I guess in my teens I built up a resentment for my father.  I had issues.  Many I never discussed with him and kept them to myself, I had even at one time convinced myself that my dad didn't even love me.  Then I watched these video's of a man with so much love in his eyes, so many dreams.  He had this baby in his arms.  He held him up and smiled like I've never remembered my dad smile.  He laid in the bed with this baby, this little part of him and everything seemed to be alright in the world.  I remember that first time watching it as an adult and I cried and cried hard.  Because there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me.  Forget all the things that I thought he'd done wrong in rasing me.  Being to hard on me, feeling he didn't love me for me.  He did!  It was right there on film and I had told myself something else.  I'd convinced myself that wasn't true.  He did and he still does.  I love him too!  Life changes, and changes you.  He is a good man!  I got many wonderful things from him.  He did have a big heart, even though he tried to hide it.  I'm a dreamer much like he was or maybe still is.  I miss many parts of him because I feel like I don't know him as well as I'd like too.  I know him much as I did as a child, but as an adult there is still much to learn, about myself and him as well.  We all love him very much.  Sherry, Dena, Lance, and I.  We love you!  Happy Father's Day.


Friday, June 17, 2005

The gang

We just got back from Mossfire Grill, our friend Mike at top took us all out for dinner, it was wonderful.  It's a great restarant we like.   He was out of town last week for Mike's bday and was nice to take us all out.  Mike and James are really great guys.  We love em!  Them and Randy and Matt are our closest friends.  This picture was taken a few weeks ago at James birthday party with the gang,  It's Friday finally and I'm happy we have a weekend where we can do just what we want too.  That means lay in bed till noon, but I doubt we'll be doing that.  Just thought I'd put a quick entry in here.  I had a great day today!  Looking forward to a great weekend.


I know what I want

What do I want?  I was taken off guard today when a co-worker I was chatting with on my break, asked me the question what is it you want in life?  I looked at her, like why such a big question?  No I didn’t really answer her.  Well I did, but it was just the obvious, you know happiness, more money, security.  Stuff like that.  So I’ve been sitting here thinking what do I want.  I work for a large company, it’s the third largest distributor of paper products.  We sell all kinds of products from cleaning supplises, office supplies, lots of stuff.  I’m a merchandiser/customerservice person, not sure if I’ve ever shared what I do.  One of our customers a large company uses suction to extract contaminating substances from steel drums.  They have these big strong vacuum clener like things that take out the materials in the barrels, but the workers must regulate the force of the vaccums.  If they take out too much air, the drums will collapse like paper cups, which we sell also, because the outer pressure will exceed the inner pressure.

This company was telling me about this, and I listened, like I do everday, sometimes thinking ok, just tell me what you want to buy, so I can get on with things.  But I hung up after they told me what they wanted to get prices for.  And started thinking about this.  We’re very much like this.  Hardships come into our lives.  We are empowered from within or we will be unable to withstand the pressure from without.  We get support from our friends and family, but its our spiritual inner man.  A friend once told me to listen to that inner self.  He said he was psychic too, because he talked to that inner man all the time, and he could ask it yes or no questions and that inner voice was good at answering right.  This is what I want, I want inner strength, and a strong inner voice.

As I’m writing this something is saying in my mind to be still more, meditate, the Spirit will strengthen you and renew your mind.  No I’m not hearing voices, I think I’m just having a conversation with my inner voice.  O.k.  that’s my prayer for today.  I ask for a development of my inner strength so that when life’s blows and burdens press on me, that I won’t cave in like that drums we sell.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

One year ago today in my journal

I was going back a year to see what was going on in my world a year ago.  Funny thing I was going back and having memories of yesterday.  I seem to look back a lot.  I don't live there but I sure like to visit.  A year ago I was writing about the songs of the humpback whales.

Today I'm feeling like a whale, I havn't been running or exercising like I was.  So my body is feeling like, well just out of shape.  It's summertime too.  So I've got to make some changes, start eating right, and put some aerobics in my life.  If its just walking.   I'm searching for thought to write about but my mind feels empty, so I'm grasping at things.  I think I'll just take the night off and watch some television.  Mike's cooking some baked chicken.  It's smelling good too.  Didn't I say something about a diet.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

HE Wept

Well, I opened my bible before work, it opened to “Jesus Wept”, John 11:35, I had always heard it was the shortest verse in the bible.  But I never knew where it was.  Or had even read it in the bible that I remember.   Why did he cry, I never really thought about it.   I think it was because he knew the reality in heaven.  I guess I didn’t think about that yesterday when I was upset, angry whatever you want to call it.  Doug didn’t die, he ascended.  I know he believed!  I think Jesus wept because he was the source of all hope of a future day of resurrection.  Even Jesus shed tears.  Guess that gives me some comfort.  Yes it gives me comfort.  I don’t know if anyone has ever seen that internet site that claims to predict when you will die.  after you answer a series of questions, your projected date of death appears along with a digital clock counting down the number of seconds you have left to live.   It’s all based on current life expectancy charts, but seeing it on a computer screen makes it more vivid.  As the site says, it’s the Internets’ friendly reminder that life is slipping away.

I didn’t put this site on here for any morbid reason.  I know that God in His wisdom doesn’t tell us the day of our death, nor do we know the day of Christ’s return.  We don’t need to panic aw we see our time slipping away.  Instead live every moment for Him!   

Tuesday, June 14, 2005


I've once kept my feelings inside, only letting them out on paper in my journals.  No one knew all this stuff I was holding inside, not even myself, I kept many of my feelings even hidden deep inside.  There may have been a smile on the outside but there wasn't always one on the inside.  So I'm writing tonight about my feelings again.  It seems I'm dealing with something I havn't experieced much of.  Losing people.  I've experienced loss of my grandparents, that was the only loss I've really experienced through death.  But know it seems people that were once great friends have died.  I found out my friend Doug, died this weekend.  Another friend I had lost not through death, but was not in my life as he once was.  We grew in diffrent directions, he moved to Atlanta, went in a diffrent direction.  Regardless we wanted the best for each other as friends but just lost contact after time.  I found out he had pancreatitis and had waited too long to go to the hospital to get it checked out, the infection was really bad and he slipped into a coma, his father came and Doug had a living will not to resucitate if he ever fell into a coma.  So without even waiting a week they unplugged him.  And he's gone, in a better place.  I know that in my heart, but I feel a little angry.  I probably don't know all the story, maybe he was too long gone.  I wouldn't know because I wasn't in his life.  Other people were.  To sooth my anger I have to thing of good things, how he made me smile.  How he made me laugh.  His nickname was "Kitten".   You couldn't help but laugh calling him that.  He loved to have fun.  There's a lot of things I'm wondering.  There was a time about six years ago that we were close friends, so close that I was contemplating moving to Atlanta, to live with him till I got on my feet.  I feel some anger towards him, I'm not sure why, maybe because I know how much he drank, and how much he partied.  I was headed down that party road myself.  But something bigger than me stepped in and made me stay here.  I'm glad!  I'm not sure I'm making a lot of sense.  Guess I need to sit with my feeling a little more.  I don't want to make sound like Doug was a bad guy, he wasn't he was wonderful.  He'd give you the shirt off his back.  He loved to cook and be happy and be loved and too love.  I think I'm just mad that he's not here anymore.  That's how I feel and I guess that's ok.  I'll try later to reflect more on him.  I think I just need to get through this feeling.  I found out Saturday, I went out and thought a lot about when we were friends and all the fun we had.  I was sad late that night and couldnt' sleep, and wrote emails to people telling them how much I loved them.  This was a picture of us in Savannah, one of our favorite places to go.  And the other one is one of my favorite ones I took of him.


Monday, June 13, 2005


A few people mentioned they didn't know what a PSP is, it's the newest in gadgets.  You can put your music, games, video's, movies on it.  It's awesome.  Check out this awesome website, and you can see all about them.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

My weekend

We had a nice day yesterday, we went to see the new Star Wars movie, I enjoyed it, the graphics were great, but they made Padema' so helpless in this one, I mean she was fighting right along with Annikin in the last movie, she just seemed so helpless in this one.  We went for Japanese, I got Mike a PSP for his birthday and a game for it, he's playing it on the couch right now.  Then I had four friends over and we had a rocky road ice cream cake and we all went out later.  Everyone kept getting Mike shots so he wasn't feeling the best today.  We went to church today it was a good sermon.  Has anyone out the heard of Henry Nouwen, our pastor quoted from some of his books.  Really interesting stuff, here's one of his websites, would love to know if anyone has read any of his stuff.  I think it's really interesting and plan on reading some of his works.  Hope everyone had a great weekend.


Saturday, June 11, 2005

Happy Birthday Mike

There's only one person that smiles like Mike, laughs like Mike, says funny things in that offhand way...

Only one Mike whose hello on the phone still makes my heart beat a little faster, whose footsteps at the front door get me all happy.  Whose good night kiss inspires the best dreams.  There's only one Mike-

He's the one person who for the last year has been a part of my yesterdays.  Who shapes my every tomorrow.  Whose way of living life makes everyday better.  That's how I know for all my days, there will only be Mike.  Happy Birthday, I love you!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Weekend Assignment #63 Amusing Amusement Park Moments

  Picture from Hometown

Look, it's that famous animator and his notable cartoon rodent, pointing us all forward to this week's Weekend Assignment!

Weekend Assignment #63: Recount a noteable amusement park experience. No, it doesn't have to be about getting sick on that rollercoaster... although (heh) those usually are pretty good. It can be any sort of memorable moment: cute, scary, funny, nice, whatever.

Ok, I've had quite a few, first I'll tell you two on me.  Back in my first year in college, I was in the show choir for Abraham Baldwin College, we sang at quite a few places, I even sang at The Crystal Pistol in Six Flags, but my first year we sang at Walt Disney for a week, we even opened up for "The Indigo Girls", but on our first day singing, we wore tux pants, a white shirts, sparkly red ties and cumberbuns.  By mistake I grabbed one of the band's pants instead of mine.  Well getting dressed I realized they weren't mine, and the guy who played the sax must have had two pair of pants or mine, because he was already out there playing.  So I put on the tightest pair of tux pants you've ever saw.  I left them unbuttoned, and put my cumberbun over the top part so you couldn't tell I had them unbuttoned.  Everyone was trying to tell me it wasn't that noticeable, but I had eyes and could hardly breath.  I had one solo that I was supposed to go down on one knee and sing.  I can't remember the name of the song, I think it is called "Na Na Na Na Goodbye".  Anyway I got down on my knees on the "He'll never love you the way that I loved you, cause if he did he wouldn't say goodbye"  Do wa do.  Well, the girl I was singing too was laughing hard because when I went down on my knees, my pants spllit right into, and not a little bit, the whole front crotch was split.  I know everone was laughing, and the crowd seemed to get larger and larger.   We sang like 4 more songs, while I felt like a castaway from some island.  We didn't only sing, the whole thing was choregraphed, so just imagine doing all these moves singing with a microphone with your underwear showing, luckily I was wear black underwear.  But I still remember all those teenage girls pointing at my privates.

Well that's my story,  My father's amusing story at Disney World was a little worse.  And I used to get spankings all the time for telling it when I was little.  When I was about 12 my dad took us all to Disney on my birthday,  well all of sudden we lost him, and lost him for hours.  Then about 3-4 hours later he showed up wearing a change of clothes.  My mom was all worried, she came up too him and he whispered something too her, and my mother screamed with laughter.  My father however didn't seemed amused.  We didn't stay there much longer that day. Back in the car  my mom couldn't quit laughing and she blurted out what he had done.  I'm sure you've all seen that commercial.  "Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go right now!"  Well that happened to my dad, but when he finally found a bathroom, he couldn't undo his belt.  And the unevitable thing happened.  Yep he messed up his pants.  The bad thing he said was he had on a long shirt and he thought after he cleaned up as good as he could, he would just walk with his shirt over his pants and no one could tell.  He would walk back to the car and change clothes.  Well he actually ran into some people from our hometown and had to talk for a few minutes.  He finally made it to the car and in changing clothes he found out that the shirt he thought was camafloging the mess he made was actually covered in *$$## literally.   I remember after that I thought this was such a wonderful story to share with people when they came over, but after telling it only once I realized I will never tell this story again.  Boy he tore my butt up.   I hope I'm too old to get a whippon now.  Oh well I don't think he reads this journal anyway.

Extra Credit: What's the scariest amusement park ride you've ever been on?

My scariest moment was my friend Jimmy and I when we were about 8 went to an amusement park, I can't remember where but it was the ride where you sit in it and it goes up and down and all around. The only thing holding you in is this bar that goes over your waist, well mid air our bar came open and we couldn't close it, we had to hold onto the back of the seat just to keep from holding our selves in.  We both thought we would die, we both were crying and screaming.  The guy finallystopped the ride, and to his horror realized what had happened, they had to close the ride after that.  But thank goodness we were able to hold on.

Comment from Sherry

I know I've put this picture in here already once, but my sister left me the sweetest comment on my Picture of the day journal and I just had to share it.  Oh yeah she's untying the ring on the pillow during the wedding in this picture.


My wonderful brother, I love you so much. I'm so proud that you have these journals so everyone can get a pinch of exactly how amazing you are. I've had the honor of having you as my mentor, role model, best friend, and brother for my ENTIRE life.
You touch my heart everyday with your big 'ole heart that you open up for everyone to rejoice in.
I hope everyone who responds to your entries realizes exactly how awesome of a man that you truly are. Anyone who gets to share in anything to do with your life is truly being given a gift from God.
I love you, honey!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your little sister, Sherry


I love you too sis!

Thursday, June 9, 2005

Nice Day

Well, can't complain it was a beautiful day.  Got a lot done, our bellsouth fast access modem came today also, but havn't got it hooked up yet.  The place looks great.  Got all the furniture where we want, and did a lot of cleaning up.  We had our first visitor tonight our Pastor came by and talked to us.  It was a really nice visit.  We are both going to become members of the church.  I feel really good about it.  Well I'm very sleepy so I think I'm going to hit the hay.  More later.  I got Mike's birthday present today.  I hope he likes it.  Mike's neck is doing much better, and so is my back, thanks for all the prayers and thoughts out there in J-Land.


Sweet Dreams!

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Mike and Me

I had a few people ask me for pictures of Mike and me at my sister's wedding.  So I thought I'd put one in here.  His neck is doing much better, he's up and dancing around, and helping me get our place in order.  His birthday is Saturday.  I'm trying to come up with some ideas.  I hope he has a birthday as nice as mine was.  We'll see.  I think we'll have funI'll try and spoil him good!

Who's afraid out there?

I have a friend that his favorite saying is “I’m so tired of being tired, that I’m tired”.  We joke him all the time.  I also have a cousin that is very protective and always watches where she is, I once had her in the car, and was going to stop in get gas on the seedy part of town.  Before I got out of the car, she grabbed me and said no.  Don’t get out of the car, it looks dangerous.  I told her I’m not afraid, and she said well I am, would you mind going somewhere else.  So I did, but I did tell her she was so afraid of being afraid that she was afraid.  I guess sometimes even in life we have to admit that sometimes we become afraid or fearful-about dying, about getting cancer, about losing our mind, about losing our job,  about our family getting in trouble, about getting older.  I could go on and on.  We don’t like to confess it, so we ignore, deny, or repress those fears.  But to overcome our fear, we must first acknowledge it.  We can conquer our fears.  To admit that we are afraid is to admit that we are human.  But to admit being afraid and then trusting in something greater and going forward will take the fear out of the fear.  What’s the saying?  “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Tuesday, June 7, 2005

More wedding pictures

Here's some more pictures of the wedding.

Monday assignment

Your Monday Photo Shoot -- Wish You Were There

Let's engage in a little daydreaming for this week's photo shoot, shall we?

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Show a picture of the place you wish you could be right now. Vacation spot, old neighborhood, a friend's house -- wherever it would nice to be right htis instant, grab a picture from your archives and show us.

I wish I was back at Cades Cove, actually I wish I could live there.  There's just something about places like this.  I can breath easier, no anxiety, just peace.

I saw some anger

Mikes mom came over last night.  I worked frantically for  a few moments to get the house clean for her.  I think for the first time it was looking pretty good, still a few pictures to hang.  But what it turned into was a bit of an anger management class.  Or maybe that’s what it should be.  Made me think of James in the bible.  He swung his axe at the root of one of our deepest problems: a smothering absorbtion with our own desires-getting our own way and having our own needs met.  When the passion is frustrated, it can quickly become blind rage that demeans us.  Though we may get what we want, we’re still left feeling unsatisfied.  I won’t go into what the two of them fussed about.  I understood where both of them were coming from.  But I knew playing the middle was not where I should be.  So I just sat there listening.  I don’t think it does good to brood over injustices, to try to set things right on our own, or to let our desires determine our decisions.  Sometimes submitting to them will lead to fights inside us and with those around us.  Before our anger peaks, we can call for a “time out” and take a walk with the One who understands us better than we understand ourselves-who cares about us more than we can ever know.  We can tell Him about our anger and mull things over with him.  I did call for a time out with them once.  They were getting kind of loud.  I pray for the both of them and their family.  I want God to meet their needs His way.   I know when anger enters our hearts, it poisons all we think and do, but faith seeks a way to shine and keep our spirits strong and true.  Mike I know you read my journal too, so just want you to know I’m behind you.  I also want you to let go of that anger if you can

Monday, June 6, 2005

Me and my big mouth

     My mom and dad lived in country of Turkey before I was born.  That’s where my dad was stationed in the Air Force.  I love hearing stories of their life and adventures there.  I do internet searches on Turkey all the time.  I found a interesting story about a crane from that region.  I’m sure any of us would cringe at the thought of a mouth full of gravel.  But a stone in the mouth can actually be desirable-at least that seems to be true for these cranes that inhabit the Taurus mountains of southern Turkey    

     These cranes tend to cackle a lot, especially while flying.  All that noise gets the attention of eagles, who swoop down and seize them for a meal.  The experienced cranes avoid this threat by picking up stones large enough to fill their mouths.  This prevents them from cackling-and from becoming lunch for the eagles. 

     We too seem to have a problem with our mouths.  I do sometimes.  Yesterday was a perfect day for that.  Right before church too.  Shame on me!  I’m not sure why but I just got very mouthy.  When everything in my head was just saying shut up Derek.  The writer of proverbs wrote, “He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.” (13:3).  “A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calls for blows.”

     I wonder how many of our troubles could be prevented if we would learn to control our tongues?  How much of the heartache we cause others could be avoided if we would guard our speech!  Ok I’m admitting it I sometimes have a problem with my mouth.  Sometimes I just can’t keep it shut.  I need help!  Ok lord I’m asking for help on this one.  Help me think before I speak.  The move has gone well.  We’ve got most of my stuff unpacked, it’s just getting everyting clean and organized now.  It doesn’t look like Sanford and Son anymore at least.  We're waiting for Bellsouth to get our computer outlet fixed.  So until then I'm internet free, which has been killing me, but I will survive.