Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Monday, August 30, 2004
A couple of weeks ago I had a dream I shared with Judith Heartsong http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/. I think looking at all her beautiful paintings made me dream of one. Anyway this beautiful woman took me on a journey to a hillside and when we got there I saw two ferocious wolves, that looked as if they could tear me apart, in fear I took off running, when I heard the woman tell me not to be afraid that they were part of me. I stopped and looked at her and she was smiling, then I looked at the wolves right as they were about to leap upon me, but instead of tearing me to shreds they just jumped into me. They were part of me. I've been meditating like she and Virginia had said, and I do believe somehow they are helpers. When I went home to see my family I was shocked to by how much Eli had grown, Dena asked me how I liked his tshirt, it was one I had given him a year ago that he'd grown into, and on it was little wolves that I had gotten him while I was In Washington. Guess these wolves have been a part of me longer than I realized. In my meditations I've been seeing myself as a warrier. Above all else a warrier has a vision; he has a trancendence to his life, a cause greater than self-preservation. The root of all woes and our false self was this; We were seeking to save our life and we lost it. We are being called beyond that I believe. The quality of a true warrier is that he is in service to a purpose greater than himself; that is, to a trancendent cause. Kind of like the heart of Jesus. Wow would I love to have a heart like that. Guess in my meditations I've been wondering what qualities of a warrier do I possess. Have you ever asked yourself that question?
P.S. Pictures of my new nephew Ethan Zane will be added soon. He was a healthy 8lbs 4 oz's little boy. Eli welcomed him with a kiss.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Happy Birthday Eli, my nephew is really a blessing to all of us, he had a wonderful birthday party, with ice cream and cake. Made me think back of all the old video's of me as a child. Eli's baby chair is the same one I ate from as a child. They make such a beautiful family. This has been a wonderful visit. Never quite long enough though. Seems like yesterday Autumn was two. She's such a big girl now.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
"No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth."
Do you ever confuse the truth about yourself with a facade? I keep telling myself I have what it takes. I want a deeper knowing though, there is knowledge about and knowledge of, when it comes to the two I think it is the latter we need more of. Sound to me I'm still trying hard to find the real me. I know I'm here. I was thinking the other day, how close to the real me is this journal, I think if some people who read my journal that really know me, may be surprised I have all this in me, I've got diffrent sides to me. Usually I'm a pretty quiet person, but there is always something going through this big taterhead of mine. Mostly I'm thinking of who I am, and where do I go with this question, well I write in my journal, I pray. I know my true name can never be taken away fom me. There is something very deep in my heart. I know where I've come from, I like to say I know where I'm going, but that's not all together true. I'm still being tested every day, I'm not that crazy about tests either. I know I have to face my Enemy. Wow where is this coming from, kind of scares me again. Am I still becoming a man?