Wednesday, August 31, 2005



has a little assignment  Here it is.


The Rules for posting :  

1. Post a picture of a guy YOU think is sexy in your journal.

2. Put a link to the picture in my comment section.

3. I view and rate the guy and comment back.

Rules for the picture:

1. He must be shirtless

2. He must be shirtless

3. He must be shirtless


Here's one of Mike I took on a full moon at the beach.


Last answer and they are doozies

Paul-John          1. At what age did you realize that you were gay? I don't remember a specific age, I've always known I was attracted to men.  But it was more than that.  So I would say I realized it or admitted to it when  I came out, which is your second question.
2. What is your coming out story? (it's one thing we all have in common and I love to hear others about their story. from what I can tell you have never mentioned it in your journal)
I guess first love is supposed to be the sweetest, and it was sweet.  It was my second quarter in college.    I was a psychology major, and took lots of psych classes to begin with, there was another guy that always sat next to me in my classes.  I was always drawing women, mostly nude women.  But there was something about him.  Something familiar.  I was also an actor and had tried out for the play "Hold Me",by  Jules Pfeiffer.  He was a stage director and did set design.  I remember the first time he asked could he sit at my study table at the student center.  I was all nervous.  At the time my ex girlfriend was also sitting with me.  The three of us became friends.   A friendship grew, then one night after a day of swimming with friends at their pool, we went to the pub afterwards, local college hangout, we ended up going back to his dorm room, and I stayed because I had been drinking.  Flash ahead to the next morning.  Driving to lunch, he said "about last night".  We talked about it,  we became closer, became roomates, fell in love.  He had dyslexia, and we took all our classes together, I would read our lessons to him, and he would just comprehend, it would make me so mad that I had to read and reread for myself to get it, and he would get it from me reading it to him just once.  All of our friends noticed us becoming closer and even commented that we acted like a couple.  I wasn't ready to be public with everything, to family or friends.  Allien was and he wrote his paper in college about it, and made an A, but in the process outed us.  His sister who had a key to our place came in and found the paper and read it, and told his parents.  They weren't happy to say the least or accepting, but our friends were.   My coming out to my family  was a little diffrent.  I was at my cousin's wedding, and drank quite a bit the night before, anyway coming to bed late I came in my mom's room and wanted some attention I guess.  Wanted mama's love.   She said what are you doing, I said you don't love me, and she said yes I do, there's nothing you could do that would make me not love you.  I said really, even if I killed someone, she said even if you killed someone.  Even If I was gay?  She said even if you were gay.  "Well, mom, I'm gay!"  She said, Derek if you don't know by now whatever makes you happy, makes me happy, then you don't know me very well.  Then I think I cried some.  I don't really remember, like I said I drank a good bit, the next day my mom cried during the wedding, and I knew she was crying because she wasn't going to be seeing a wedding like this with me.  My whole family have been very supportive. 
3. How do you merge and/or mend your beliefs with your religion with societys & religions view on homosexuality?I find this to be the hardest question of all and could probably do an entry on this one all by itself.  I will leave it to something Jesus said "Love one another"   I grew up in a Christian family, but I will admit, being gay and being a christian was hard growing up.  It was conflicting and hard, and if you read my teenage diaries there was a lot of confusion and depression.  But I've always had a faith in Jesus, no matter what anyway judged me of, it's me who lives this life, I know the diffrence from right and wrong for me, and that is all that matters.  I live the best life I can and strive to live a life based on love.  I can only be me.  This is me, and the God that loves me made me.  I strive to be true with me.
I am made in His image and, as an old black lady named Moms Mabry used to say, God don't make no messes!  I still feel I have more to say so may make another entry on this subject.  Thanks for making me think Paul-John.    

One more after this one

My buddy Tami and fellow Jacksonvillian, is that what you call us?  She has a love of photography like me, and we seem to end up in many of the same places taking pictures but have yet to meet.  I'll take your picture if you take mine.  Here they are.     I'll play along.
1.  When was the last time you challenged yourself physically?  The Gate River Run this year in March, it was a 15K race.   I'm going to need to start training again soon.
2.  Have you ever travelled outside the states? Yes, I've been to Mexico, Canada, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy, and Czekeslavakia, I don't think I spelled that right. 
3.  What is your biggest regret?  Not majoring in Art like I wanted to in college.

Only a few more answers and I'm through

Rebecca the person who I got this inspiration from and who I'm really enjoying her blog asks   Since I assume no tag backs are allowed, I think I can get away with asking a few questions of my own :o)
1) Have you always kept a journal or is an online journal your first?  I've kept one since Dec 11, 1979, that was my frst one when I turned 12.  I have about 15 other journals, This was my first blog.
2) What was the worst day of your life?  The day I lost someone that I loved.
3) What was the best day of your life? The day I was saved!

Have a great weekend!

Still answering questions


Laura  My favorite nurse and just all around wonderful person.  Had these three questions for me.  Let's all remember Laura in your prayers, and for her mom.  Prayers going out to you and all those people that have been affected by this disaster.   

  1. if you could have a "do-over" of any time in your life what would it be?  A time years ago when I went against myself, meaning I had one of those real Adam and Eve moments where I did something I knew was wrong, and I lost my Eden at that time.
2. what is your favorite pizza topping?  Cheese, cheese, and more cheese.
3. you are given one day, from sun rise to sunset where all your heart's desires are granted. Describe the highlights of this day.   This is one of the hardest ones.  It would be in the mountains of Washington.  Waking up to the sunrise of beautiful Mt. Rainer, from camping out in the woods,  an wonderful breakfast in Seattle,  then head south on the coastline through mountains, and Ocean.  Stopping at some cozy little oceanside town for a nice lunch somewhere in Oregon.  Drive the coastline till sunset stopping and just soaking it in.  I guess I'm easy.  But it does sound good to me.  Topped of with a romatic wine with Mike and some beautiful city in California.
Thanks, Derek!
  Many blessings and prayers going out to you Laura

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A few more

Nightmaremom asks   1.  Name one thing you want/need to do this year.  Finish my photography website and start the business on the side
2.  Name the craziest thing you've ever done. I bungeed jumped over the Ocean in Cancun after I had been out on a booze cruise.
3.  If you could go back to any age, what would it be?  I would love to go back and relive times with my grandparents, but my memories are full.  So  I am fine not going back.  Although if I knew what I know now, it would be an adventure.

 My new friend and fellow bloggger  Chris  asks   1) What's the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?  Two things come to mind one was the time my pants split singing at the Crystal Pistol in Six Flags during my solo, and the time I was a teenager and had flybacks that I sprayed with a wheat germ hairspray, I went in the grocerystore and thought I had grabbed the hairspray, but it was a women's Massengill bottle.  The lady at the counter asked me was I sure I need this being funny, which I replied, yes I use it all the time on my hair, then came hysterical laughter from her, she pulled about three ladies over and she pointed to the word that told me what it actually was.  I was so embarrassed I ran out of the grocery store and never went back.  
2) Who in your life have you hurt more than anyone?  (I know, tough one to answer) It's actually easy, myself. 

3) What's the weirdest or strangest job you've ever had? (Or different, anyway)  I've had a lot.  When I was in college I drove a forklift and put bins of pecans in a freezer, it was so cold my hair would freeze. 
I worked at a waterpark as a lifeguard and ran the waterrides,  and this one I'm not proud of when I was also in college, I usedto go around and be in amateur strip contests to make some extra money.

Well I only have a few more, I'm tired, will save those till tomorrow.

More answers

Cubby   Here are his comments:   It's scary but I am doing it here goes my questions for you:

1.) Do you ever feel, at anytime, that God or your religion is not enough for you?

2.) Who most inspires you?

3.) What is the most annoying thing,your other half does that just makes you want to jump out the window?

1.) There is never a time anytime that God is not enough for me.  Now you mention religion.  Sometimes I question religion.  I consider myself a Christian, I also find myself more of a spiritual nature, I wouldn't consider myself religious.   Maybe I'm being vague, if you have more to ask, I'll try and be more specific.
2.)  My mother most inspires me, she always has, her unconditional love that she has shown me, her love of family, how hard she has worked her entire life, and all she has given for us.  Sometimes I wonder what makes her truly happy?  She would say her children and grandchildren,but I mean what truly makes her heart happy.   Also all the beautiful blogs online that I read. 3.) Well, he gets rather gassy at times.  And laughs about it.   This is kind of fun

Janacassie asks   Are you happy?
What are  your hobbies?
How is your home decorated?
  Yes, happy is one of my emotions.  At this moment as I write I am happy. I enjoy drawing, photography, writing poetry, short stories, blogging, genealogy, swimming,jogging, and collecting comics. It is decorated with a collection of Mike and Derek,  at present time we are trying to get rid of much, because we feel cramped.  I have a beautiful huge kitchen table that takes up much of the living room. There are pictures everywhere of family, so we are surrounded by family.  Comfy couches in blue's and hunter greens, wood floors, old clawfoot tubs, and a huge lumberjack bed.  A little more clutter than I'm used too,but we are getting there day by day.  The lighting is soft, there is a area where we are usually doing crafts of some sort. The kitchen is our cleanhaven and stays clean the most.  We have plants and nicknacks on the shelves. 

Answers to Ask me Anything

Well I have nine questions from my "Ask Me Anything" entry.  So I thought I better get started.     My buddy Julie was my first three questions.   JULIE 
  1.)how long have you been a Christian?
2.) How tall are you?
3.) Who's your favorite J-lander?( your mom and sis excluded)
  1.)  I've been a Christian since March 11, 1980, I remember it like it was yesterday, I always sat with my family in church, Sunday morning and nights, but this particular night, I sat by myself on a pew by myself. I'm not sure why.  All I know is that night was one of my most spiritual moments I remember.  I remember feeling a calling something telling me to come up front, I told the voice in my head I couldn't make it to the front.  I listened and the voice said if you can stand up I will get you there.   I remember standing up.  I still don't remember walking, I remember being up front with tears in my eyes and telling my pastor that I knew Jesus had died for my sins, and I wanted forgiveness of my sins and wanted him as my savior.  Tears flooded, and I just let them flow.  This  was the day I was reborn.  2.) I'm 6foot4inches 3.) There are so many, but you asked for one and my favorite J-lander.  That person is Judith Heartsong, she was the first AOL blogger that I opened up too.  We both started our Aol blogs April of 2004.  Her journal touched me in many ways, my heartstrings.  I felt connected. I don't think I started by comments on her journal, I emailed her directly and she was there for me and everything I was going through.  I don't even know if she knows it too this day what a dark and lonely place I was when I started this whole Aol blog thing.  She was a survivor, just like me, not a victim, she was a healer, and I felt a healing going on when I read her journal.  I began my own healing.  Her journal is still to this day a inspiration to me.  She will always be special for me, and have a special place in my heart.   Ok, need a rest now, hopefully I will finish this tomorrow, if not I will finish it by Friday.


About 5 years ago, I was in the process of painting one of the bedrooms in the house I was renting.  It was a cute little house, but had a lot of work that needed to be done.  I remember the room and those four walls.  I completed the project but not without a great deal of difficulty.  I started off precise, putting my tape down low and up high, and having my tarp down so I wouldn’t make a mess.  But about the third wall somewhere I thought I can do this without the tape, and I just kind of put the tarp halfway on the floor.  The two walls looked great, the other two walls looked a mess.  So I would call this a half done job even though I finished it.  I still marvel at those people I see on those tv shows that can make things fit without measuring and remeasuring again and again.  I tip my hat to all those good natured folks who do those tedious jobs, that just drive me nutty.  My Papa used to say when I was little, Derek when you grow up whatever you do, do it heartily.  Maybe I misunderstood him and thought he said hardly do it.  I want to do better.  Our photo word on the Round Robin Challenge tomorrow is Labor, I’m guessing because of Labor Day of next week.   So I guess I must be thinking about it today.  I like the saying,  “It’s not the hours you put in that count, but what you put in those hours.”  Just like those four walls, I was talking about, I think those four walls were much like my personality at the time.  I start off wishing to do well, but somewhere towards the end, I get a little lazy, and don’t work quite as hard.  I want to be a hard worker.  Like Papa said I want to do it heartily. 

I’m at work while I write this, it’s pouring rain outside, and I’m thinking they should have naptime at work like they did when we were little.    “See what I mean"

Monday, August 29, 2005

ReRe n Me

Since I had that picture below of Sherry and me thought I'd put this one on her, my mom took of us  this weekend.  Sure enjoyed the weekend.  The food, the conversation, the midnight  munchies.

Picture taken by Alicia my mom

John's Monday Assignment

Your Monday Photo Shoot: It's back to school season. Show us a picture of something that represents "Back to School" to you. Kids on their way to school, a stack of new text books, school supplies, parents leaping for joy... oh, wait, maybe not that last one.

Don't be afraid to reach back into the archives for this one; if you've got a great "back to school" photo from 1975, bring it on. I could show you a picture from my own back to school days -- the one from second grade, when I was dressed in pink denim from head to toe -- but no. No.

Take or scan the photos, upload them into your blog or journal, and come back here to leave a link. And welcome back to another year of school!

I have two memories one is of my little sister Sherry, I would hug her goodbye in the mornings, and when I got off the school bus I had a little dirt road to where our trailer was.  She was little and would always meet me half way, and we would run and I would hug her and swing her around.  She met me day after day, she was probably only like 3,  sometimes I would run past her instead of grabbing her and swinging her around, she would fall on her butt and cry until I came back and picked her up.  This was taken on the front steps at that age.  :)  My zipper is wide open, I didn't notice that when I just posted it, but thanks to good ole D at

I'm laughing.  I do hope mama fixed that before school.

My land of the lost lunch box, would be one thing that I always remember starting school, My mom would pack it each day with love and a peanut butter sandwich or bologna and cheese.  Always something good.




Sharing your toys

Friday night when I got there my unexpected thing was Eli spending the night, I had his birthday present in the car, but was going to wait till his party to give it too him, I had picked up Autumn a little glow worm like thing to play with.  Of course they had to share it.  Which they were both had there few minutes of play with it, until the question from Autumn was, can I keep this at my house.  She was looking for ownership.  Of course I told her sure, because I wasn’t wanting to start with a fuss, minutes later they came to an agreement, Eli pulled one of the slinky legs off the worm, and was satisfied with just one of the legs.  I read this from someone’s journal, can’t remember who’s.


The Toddler’s Creed

If I want it, it’s mine

If I give it to you and change my

Mind later, it’s mine.

If I had it a little while ago,

It’s mine

If it’s mine, it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what.

If we are building something  together, all the pieces are mine,

It is mine.


I got to see this a lot this weekend,  Autumn with Eli.  I finally solved the problem, I gave Eli his present early so he could have something of ownership.  Then it was funning watching him with his birthday presents and Ethan trying to play with his stuff.  It was fine for him to play with it while he was playing with something else.  But not when he was playing with it.   I guess we expect to see this in kids, but I can’t stand to see it in adults.  Although I have seen it in myself.   Funny how at times in our lives we don’t think of ourselves as greedy, or many other things, but we look back on it and see how we were selfish or greedy.  I can think of lots of other adjectives I’ll leave out.   I’ve been asking for a new giving heart.  Not the heart I had as a kid when it came to sharing my toys.  I want to live more grateful for all I have, because there is so much I have been selfish for in the past.  More thought later, still at work, these is what I jotted down on my lunch break.

My Poetry Dance bio :)


Sensitive, caring, daring, and bold
Son of a mother who would cuddle and hold

He’s a visionary, artist, with stories to be told
Lover of music, photography, and movies of old
Who fears fear, change, and people who are cold

Who needs love, and support, and Michael to hold
Who gives validation, huge bearhugs and arms that enfold
Who would like the best for his family and friends, no suffering on the planet, and a cure for the common cold.

Resident of Earth with its beauty to behold


That is a Bio-poem for the Grand Opening of Poetry Dance © . Brought to us by two wonderful writers/poets in our community.  Dawn of  Web Of Dreams   and Spencer of  Spencer's Place  have come together to provide a centralized place to for poetry writing. I've read what they have put together so far, and I see wonderful things coming from  Poetry Dance ©  . What? Your still reading this?

You haven't clicked the link to get the special recipe so that you can create a Bio-poem? Well,.........what are you waiting for? Oh, you need me to stop typing? Ok, fine, I'm done, going, I'm over at   Poetry Dance ©  .


Sunday, August 28, 2005

Happy Birthday Dad

I sent my dad this picture for Father's Day, I was happy to see it all framed and put out on display when I came home for his birthday.  It was hard to talk a lot with so many people around, but I really enjoyed watching daddy enjoy his birthday and being surrounded by his family.  I didn't really get to talk to him till everyone had left.  He was very proud to have us there.  I only have three minutes later, so just wanted too tell you I love you.  Happy Birthday!  I really enjoyed being a part of it.

Back in Florida

Well I made it home, and pleasantly to a nice clean house that Mike had worked hard on.  Made me feel so good to come home to that.  I sure missed him while I was gone.  It was a great weekend, I can only explain it as good to be home.  It always is.  I got home to the surprise of Eli and Autumn at Sherry's spending the night.  Eli was about ready for bed, he was tired when I got there.  They were excited Uncle Derek made it but about ready for bed.  They watched the Incredibles on t.v.till Eli fell asleep.  I laid there with them for a while, put my arm around him for a while, then he looked back and said Uncle Derek your too big, so I laughed and then Autumn decided to do a dive right on top of me.  Eli said Autumn I'm sleepy.  So they finally settled down and went to sleep.  Sherry and I stayed up late talking about memories, a lot about Nana, other memories, philosopy, life, and drank some beers.  We finally got silly and went to bed.  Early morning I am awoken by two little ones saying it's time to get up Uncle Derek, I got showered and they wanted me to take them to the park, we played on the swings, the slide, took a walk, then I took them to this old train that I used to play on when I was little, which they enjoyed.   They made two little friends out there, so I took some of them all on the train.  We went over to an area where there was a birthday party, and Eli played on the monkey bars and when he got down I was helping Autumn get her shoes back on, I turned around and Eli was standing there with his shorts around his ankels being a little sprinkler on the monkey bars.  As all the kids ran off, I walked over laughing, actually I took a picture, for his mama to see and for them to laught one day.  All  I could do was laugh in my head,and say you had to go boy didn't you,and he said yep.  We had lots of fun at Daddy and Jane's.  Everyone was there.  Mama, Daddy, stepmom Jane, Sherry and Mark, Dena and Andy, All the inlaws, plus cousin Christy, her husband Bobby and their daughter Taylor, they have always been a big part of the family.  It was so hot,  I stayed in the pool most of the time with the kids.  While Mark did the hard work of grilling. His parents were there and brother,and Andy's parents and sister and daughter.  All the kids had their own birthday cake, even the ones who weren't celebrating. They all just enjoyed digging in.  I was running around everywhere with the camera.  Sonny and Bobby fished in the boat most of the day, didn't get any shots of my sister's fishing,only because they just had their hands full most of the time, but I did get some of Cousin Christy fishing.  Then we did Daddy and Sonny's cake.  It was almost like Christmas for the boys, even Autumn got presents.   Eli played possum and got Uncle Derek to walk him to his house later where he said he was tired,but really was just wanting to play with his toys.  Then got to spend more time with Dena and Andy and the boys, We talked and Andy played the guitar and they sang the new song they wrote which had me in tears.  Funny when the spirit hits you,it just hits you.  Then Mama, Sherry, Amanda, and Autumn went to church today.  It was just a beautiful weekend that I really enjoyed.  Everything felt right, except Mike not being there.  I'll be adding pictures on my Picture of the Day website.  Now I'm home, Mike is doing some of his celtic knotwork and I'm editing picures.  Good being home.  I added a few pictures on here, but most will be over at my other site.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Live and in Person with Derek in Georgia

Well I just wanted everyone out there in Jland to know all is well, and I had the time of my life today with family.  I'm definately blessed.  I sure feel it, I have two beautiful sisters that are the most loving women I know.  I have a wonderful mom that is the world to me.  I have a wonderful life loving brother that has the best personality and is a pleasure being around.  I got to spend time with my father that was a blessing in itself, becasue it's been so long since I've felt that.  Lastly I have three of the biggest blessings.  Autumn, Eli, and Ethan, who are teaching me just as much about life than anyone.  I love looking through their eyes.  I put Eli to bed last night, you know scooped him up asleep off the floor, and took him and put him to bed, put the covers over him, and said goodnight.  That was just one night of doing it so many people are blessed to do this everynight.   It's a great honor to have that.  It's a big honor and a lot of work too, I'm sure.  I love being an uncle.  Although it is a feeling I sure enjoyed.  Eli and Ethan, and Daddy and Sonny as well had a wonderful birthday.  I have some great pictures, can't wait to share them.    Hope everyone for a safe and blessed Sunday.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Everyone Welcome a new blogger

Welcome new Journaler Chris

Picture from Hometown


Just wanted to spotlight a new blogger that I'm really enjoying her photography, they capture the light of the beauty in the world, beauty seen through her eyes.  Everyone welcome Chris at  This shot is one of my favorite's of her's although I love them all so far.  Doesn't everyone just love these little feet.  Especially her since she got this great shot of a friend's little baby.  Enjoy J-Land Chris.  Everyone give her a warm welcome. 

Thursday, August 25, 2005

My Nana was a fisherwoman

If there's one picture I would love to take, I would have to travel back in time, not so long ago give or take twenty years.  That picture is at sunrise or sunset on a pond in south Georgia. There's this red haired beauty out on her little canoe.  Just sitting there peaceful in her  This lady would be my Nana.  I've never seen a picture of her fishing, which I find odd especially since this was one of the things she loved to do.  I know not the legend for sure how she came to love fishing so.  I do know it is something she shared with her mother.  One of the oldest fishing stories I know was of my Nana coming home and finding her mother wading far out in some pond, dress and apron and all as I picture it.  When she decided to scold her mother, not to get out to far for she might fall in a hole and drown.  "Fear not", she told my Nana, if I fell in a hole, this big belly will keep Previewme afloat.   I asked my mom to write a memory of Nana fishing, since it is one of my most vivid memories.  Sherry and I read her entry and for both of us many memories came to us.  We began sharing them today.  I think Nana's spirit is helping us remember.  There are so many things I would love to know about her.  I would love to have one picture of her fishing.  But the picture in my head is just as good.  One of my early memories I had to call my mom about because I forgot what the term my Nana used for something.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Some weekends I stayed with my Nana, she went to bed early and woke up early.  On this particular morning she woke me up before the rooster crows, made me a bowl of Frosted  wheats.  Then she took me on a little adventure in the woods as the sun began to rise.  I'm not sure how far we went, but we hiked until we came upon a very leafy place.  In the middle I noticed she had a stake with her just like the ones you would kill vampires.  When we got to this little area she put the stake on the ground pulled out a brick from her jacket and pushed it into the moist ground.  After it was in there she said ok I want you to take the brick and rub it overthe top of the brick, and she showed me the back and forth motion.  I did and much to my amazement all these little worms came crawling to the surface.  I was amazed, she said this is how you telll the worms to come to surface so I can go fishing.  With her trusty little foam containers we filled two containers full of worms.  I remember she called it something but for the life of me I couldn't remember it.  so I called mom and asked her.  GRUBBING, COME ON EVERYBODY LETS GO GRUBBING FOR WORMS!  Wonder if I could make that into a song.  This was one of my memories of her.  Going grubbing.  She did love to fish, more than anything.  I liked to eat those fried fish with hushpuppies with onions in them better.  Honestly I hated the gnats in my eyes.  I was something of a complainer.  The grubbing was fun, but I wasn't crazy about the fishing in ponds as much.  I mainly played or swam in the pond, and she or mama would put peroxide in my ears to make all the bugs that swam in there go away.  This is what Mama told me.  Guess it did kill the germs.  Those foam containers I was telling you about, there wasn't a day that went by that if you got in Nana's car there would be a container of worms in her console.  If you drove past her she usually had those old cane fishing poles hanginng out of her car.  she really could do almost anything, I had even heard when she was young she could beat all the men at logrolling,that I would have loved to see.  Another funny story I've heard was she was once fishing in a pond,and like I said she had bright red hair.   Not only was it bright red it was during the bouffant hairdo days.   PreviewAnyway she tipped over the boat and some man, I forgot who it was saw her and hair piled high fell over of course since it was piled so high.  He thought the boat had knocked the top of her head off and he got out of his car jumped in the pond, thinking he was going to save her,when he finally got to her, she just looked at him, pushed him away and said she can swim.  I might not have told this one completely right, Mama always told it better.  But it's always been a funny picture I've hadof her.  She was the most independent woman I knew.  I loved her cozy little home, Dena's house reminds me a lot of Nana, I think Dena has more of Nana's spirit than any of us.  They were fishing buddies,and she loved to go fishing with Nana.  They always had a special bond.  Nana was a fisherwoman, she could do just about anything. I remember her with clay in her fingers and burning pots she made.  I remember her trying to get me into glasscutting, I didn't really take to that either.  Now I did love the woodburner she bought me for my birthday, I loved it.  She was very crafty, I remember her yarn and all the things she made with it.  She could sew anything and always made my costumes for the plays I was in.  She made all her own dresses when she was younger, and all of her childrens.  She made my sister beautiful little dresses too.  But most of all she was a fisherwoman.  They even put a fishingrod in her casket with her, so I picture her somewhere where the fish are biting.  I was going to try and stay with her loving to fish, but many different pictures keep flashing in my head.  She was a lover of animals of all kinds.  She had chickens and guineas, a mean ass turkey that lived on top of the house that would jump off the roof and onto your shoulders.  Or chase you to the car like it did my sister Sherry.  She had outside dogs, and small dogs she so loved on the inside.  She had parrot in the living room that talked, and outside on her back patio, love birds.  There were wild cats, but I don't remember her letting cats in the house.  She was kind to people, and much like my mom she did good deeds that no one ever knew about but her.  Love you Nana, we all miss you!  I feel your spirit, I guess your always with us.   Thank you for bringing so many memories back to me.

My first entry about Nana in my blog was here

Sorry the grammer is a mess on this one, but I mainly was just trying to get out the memories.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Ask Me anything

I'm joining in the game that I saw over at

The game:  ASK ME ANYTHING !!

Here's how we play:

- Ask me 3 questions. Any 3, no matter how personal, private or random.
- I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
- In turn, you post this message in your own blog or journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked of you. <hence the finer details>

Ladies and Gentleman, step right up and take a chance !!

** I will answer them at the end of the week in an entry**

Hmm, I'm kind of getting scared now.  If this entry suddenly disappears I'm blaming it on aol.

Answers to all will be posted Wednesday of next week!



Watch out I'm feeling deep

Years ago I had a friend that would say that's deep, to much I would say, or that I'm overthinking thing.  Well today I'm deep, I'm thinking about too much, is it because we're slow at work, probably, i've been thinking about self image and the way I see myself,  which seems to be diffrent from day to day, about change and maturity and relationships.  Many diffrent things, but I'm mainly trying to really zoom into what I'm feeling today.  I'm grateful for the day and my feelings.  They aren't of happiness or even gloom and doom.  I think mainly I'm thinking off how things change,how I react or have reacted to diffrent situations in the past and how they differ.  Maybe all those years of those Psychology classes warped me. :)  I think about at one time when everything seemed to be going wrong and my emotions got crazy, I would disassociate,  I would find distractions, mainly so I wouldn't have to face them.  Then a few years ago after a hard break up I convinced myself that being around other people is the last thing in the world I need.  I felt vulnerable and fragile.  I guess I needed to be alone in order to solve my problems.  I told myself no one would understand anyway.  I isolated myself for almost two years and turned my back on almost all fellowship except my family.  Then I got more confused.  I lost touch many ways with the spiritual self that I had known.  I found someone that was very much in the same place.  Someone that didn't enjoy being around people and stayed to themselves.  This happy people person, (me) became a hermit in a shell.  And I did it all to myself.  Now I look back on that time,and still know maybe it was something that I needed at that time.  Maybe I needed to feel that loneliness that I never had really felt, or had felt.  Sometimes I guess we have to suffer to the end of the line so to speak before we finally ask for help.  I'm not like that now so much, I share my problems with Mike, my feelings. I still don't pick up the phone as much as I almost always receive what I need from my friends and family.  You just have to reach.  Wisdom, support, and love.    After looking back I am still thankful for what I learned.  What is that your asking?  I think isolation compounds your problems, fellowship and friendship and someone to talk to helps alleviate some of those problems.  Now I feel better, guess I'm just looking back again.  Still much in the head, maybe I just need food.   It feels funny with Mike leaving for work before me,and getting home after me. Strange.  He's alwasy left after me, and been home to greet me every day.  Guess some roles are changing.  Change, change, change.  I say in my head I try to embrace it.  Sometimes I can, sometimes it's harder than other times. 

Today is not yesterday.  We ourselves change.  How then, can our works and thoughts, if they are always to be the fittest, continue always the same?  Change, indeed, is painful, yet ever needful: and if memory has it's  ofrce and worth, so also has hope---Thomas Carlyle

Change is something I think I write about often.  Maybe because there are so many things I want to change about myself to make myself better.  In who's eyes?  Mine? God?  Guess I'm talking about inner change.  See I told you I was still thinking, maybe I need to give my brain a rest. :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I'm usually full

One of my fond memories of my Mema is when she prepared these huge meals for all the hungry farm workers during the time of harvesting.  I still don't see how she did it, I can't remember anyone helping her but there may have been but I remember her always saying I'm not sure if there is going to be enough for everyone.  All the family would clean up inside and the farmhands would use the spicket outside.  They would all eat picnic style outside sitting on the grass, and we would eat inside, sometimes I would take my desert outside and talk to them.  I never really had to work hard when I was little at Mema's, I got to just be a little boy and observe.  I don't remember Mema smiling a bunch, but I remember this look of satisfaction when everyone told her how good it was and the fact that she always made just the right amount to go around.  Most of the time she would even make more than enough.

Makes me think today how we struggle to feel that way about our weekly resources, you know, gas, groceries, bills, all that stuff.  At the end of meal or the end of pay week, do we really believe that we've been given enough?  How does it go?  "Give us this day our daily bread".  How much do we expect to be supplied?  As much as we want or as much as we need?

I think about how I eat now.  Sometimes I don't eat just to be satisfied, I eat to the point of being stuffed.  So am I being greedy?  Why is it I'm always wanting a little more of everything.  I want more money, more this more that.  But maybe what I have is exactly the right amount.  Let me be more thankful for what I do have.  Thank you for what I have.



Monday, August 22, 2005

Monday Photo Shoot: Double Up

John's BY the Way


Your Monday Photo Shoot: Take a picture of two of something. Two of what? I leave that to you. But they have to be two of the same type of thing. Don't just put, like, a cookie and a Hot Wheel in the same picture and say it counts as two things. Two cookies, two Hot Wheels. You know. Double your pleasure and all that.
This little fellow was over by the bushes when I took out the trash.,I got on Microsoft Image Pro 10 and edited the colors and distorted it to make it look two pictures,Twin lizards joined at the tail.

Three years old already


You sure have grown since last year Eli

Three years old already, I'll put the birthday pictures in here this weekend when we come and see you! 


More thoughts


Still thinking, and I promise this will be my last entry, this week at least on Six Feet Under.  Many people liked this show I'm sure or it wouldn't have been on for five seasons.  The last episode answered many questions but it also left you guessing some things.  Like I said Claire was blind, and when I was talking to my sister she said she didn't really think she was blind.  Everyone can have their own interpretation.  With most series there is a cliffhanger so to speak that we never resolve-until we experience it ourselves.   I think sommething about these five seasons of watching in sadness and so many other emotions.  For me I think of those I have lost and of their new exhistence.  My heart aches to know wht they are doing or where they are.  I know they are in Heaven.  But for now, there is still a thin veil that separates us from our loved ones and we cannot see behind it.  I don't think I even know or can comprehend how great Heaven is.  We do have a few clues about this though.  I love family reunions, in my truth I know He is planning a glorious reunion one day, that's when the rejoicing will truly begin.  I believe every story does have a happy ending.  

Can't you see Nate singing Celebrate!




Sunday, August 21, 2005

Six Feet Under finale

Time is like a river of fleeting events, and its current is strong; as soon as something comes into sight, it is swept past us, and something else takes its place, and that too will be swept away.

Marcus Aurelius

Where do I start, all night and this morning I have been fighting tears and laughter.  Alan Ball, the creator to me is nothing short of genius. I’m so happy to of had the Fishers and this wonderful show for the past five seasons. I will miss it very very much.  I thought it was wonderful to get to live out the rest of their lives with them at the end. That was truly a gift to the truest fans!!

I’ve thought about what to say or write in this entry.  I have always identified more with Claire than anyone on the series.  She’s the artsy photographer that never quite thinks her work is good enough.  I identify with many of the other characters.  Nate being the oldest, David being gay, even Brenda being so into Psychology, was this series made for me or what?  The thing that hit me the most was Claire at the end. I think it was fitting that Claire was blind. They showed a close up of her eyes and you just knew she was blind.  She had her memories of everyone she loved and being blind, that was all she could focus on with no intrusions. I am sure it is here that she realizes how much she truly loves her family. I sort of want to watch it again tonight to see if I can catch some things I may have missed.  
It was a fitting end to the series.... it has to end with the deaths of all the characters... it was sad but you get a sense of their lives and loves... and Claire driving off made me identify with her even more, I’m the only one in my family that has left my hometown and the lives that everyone is living, but as you see her coming back and visiting, always taking pictures of her family, just as I do.  I thought that the pictures around her bed portrayed that her family really was surrounding her. That's also a reason I put pictures of my family all around so I can feel they are close.  She outlived everyone and she died surrounded by the pictures she took of moments in time. Moments of the past that will live on - like her photo of her family and the young Ted, she married. I thought it was very fitting for Claire, being the artist that she was to be surrounded by her passion. 


 Also during the interview the guy who plays Nate made a comment about if you have something to say, then you better say it.  Because once your gone, your gone.  So this episode said to me “Don’t waist it live it.”


Also the song at the end while she was driving off really hit me, this couldn’t have been one of Ted’s white mix’s, but then again maybe it was.  I looked it up the group is Sia the song “Breath Me”.  I’m definitely going to buy that cd.


Here are the words to the song

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me


I still feel and think much more but this is all I can get out now,  I wish I knew more of the working of that creative genius Allan Ball!  Thanks for making me think Sunday after Sunday for the last five seasons.



Sunday Evening

I'm sitting here in quiet, thinking, just read my sister's blog.  I'm so happy she and my mom started one.  I'm still hurting some, I made it to church got up early soaked in some green stuff that helps soak away the pain so to speak.  We had a guest speaker today that I especially enjoyed and he brought his mother.  He told his story and background which I could identify with.  We sang songs that I grew up with old Baptist hymns which I still love today.  Today my thought are of my relationships with other people my friends, my family.  In the past, in my case my relationshp with others I tended to think and act in extremes.  At times for instance I shunned my friends and loved ones as a way to display my independence.  Makes me think of my sister Sherry, who at a early age would say "leave me lone".  She is one of the most independent women I know, both of my sisters are.  At other times after I left home I would say most of the times I was overly dependent and somewhat "needy",literally squeezing dry the people I loved so.

Hopefully, I've since achieved a degree of emotional stabilty, and settled into a middle ground, I'm not sure what this level is called, but I'm pretty comfortable here.  My close friendships are now based on mutual trust and caring.   I used to not think of my friendships in the same way.  Now I want good things for them, the things their heart desire.  I want them to grow and fulfill their potential however that may be.  I'm usually really quiet and I'm not sure my friends know how I really feel about them, but I want all the happiness in the world for them, just like my family.  I want this for Mike and I as well, he's out working tonight on his first day of work at his new job.  I'm wishing him the best on this new career, I hope he enjoys it and it goes well for him.

It's the 2nd year anniversary of J-land so tell me J-land what kind of relationships do you value the most today?  They are those in which we give the best within ourselves to each other, without expecting or demanding anything in return-least of all control over one another.  Sherry I loved your entry, you gave me inspiration to write my entry today.  I didn't think I would have it in me.  But I did, so thanks for giving me that inspiration.  I think it's great to clearly and accuratly see ourselves through the eyes of our friends. O.K now it's time for my last night of Six Feet Under.  Hope my mind is strong enough for it,  I think its about letting go, one thing that is very hard for me.



Saturday, August 20, 2005

Back pain go away

After  a whole week with no back pain, I woke up hurting, all day it's been hurting. So I'm watching for some laugh's this is one funny website, this guy have's fun.  We got up and went and had a nice lunch but i'm hurting.  Mike has been really sweet to me.  He starts work tomorrow.  Pray for my back, I want to make it to church tomorrow.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Weekend Assignment #73

John's assignement

This sunday marks the second anniversary of the official beginning of AOL Journals, and this year has seen some exciting changes, including the addition of the AIM Blogs to our community. To celebrate another year of AOL Journalers doing their thing (along with the other anniversary things planned by AOL-J members themselves), I thought bring the Weekend Assignment into play.

Weekend Assignment #73: From your own AOL Journal or AIM Blog, pick your own favorite entry from the last year (from 8/21/04 onward). Link to it in the comment thread below, so we can all see what it was.

I guess one of my favorite entries was the welcoming of Ethan from his brother Eli with a kiss

Late birthday wish

David I always seem to forget his birthday. It was Aug 5, Dave has been my bud for the longest of anyone besides my family.  He's a great guy.  Many good memories.  He sent me this picture of us back when we grew our first beards, boy were we proud, we thought we were men.  His mom had a little photo shoot with us. 

It was so good seeing him at Sherry's wedding.  I just wish we could have spent more time together.  I really liked his wife Noel, she was the greatest.  I knew he'd always marry a beauty, and she is inside and out.  Mike really enjoyed meeting them as well since I talked about ole Dave and our crazy antics as teenagers.  Miss you man.  Hope you had a great birthday.


Sherry's wedding May 22, 2005

Happy Belated birthday bud, hope we can make it up there and see you guys soon!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Sis's blog

I sort of pimped my mom's journal on my last entry so thought I'd pimp my sister's journal in this entry.  She a big part of my life.  Love her bunches.


Thursday, August 18, 2005

I believe

It's that time of month again, my favorite artist's , Judith Heartsong hosts her artsy essay of the month for anyone willing to participate.  She posts a subject and gives us a chance to get involved and have a chance for one of her beautiful creations.  I was really excited about this one and had so many ideas.  I've actually written some entries with this title.  Here's the link check it out


I believe.... my mother get's more beautiful with each waking day.

Picture from Hometown

I’ve been thinking about what my mom wrote in her journal last night.

She turning sixty next month.  Big milestone I’m sure.   Just reading what she wrote made me think of things I’ve never thought of, about wanting to see us grow up, and now wanting to see her grandchildren grow up and wondering if her mother did the same thing.  What is it they call life’s older year’s; the “sunset years.”  O.K. J-land help me, and my mom.  Are they rosy?  Help me make Nana’s garden rosy. 

I think of my life now, the past, the present, the future.  How sometimes life has become clouded with despair and sadness and other times such great joy.  So to me I think we should try our best early in life to get the right focus.  Once I never thought about the people that crossed my path, I didn’t think about how I influenced them or treated them.  I’m not saying I was terrible, I was just unaware of my surroundings.  So the thought never even crossed my mind.  I feel more responsibility now.  What kind of older man will I be, I’m 37, what will I be like when I’m 57, if given the chance to reach 57.  I think the answer depends very much on what kind of person I am now.

I love watching and talking to the elderly.   I always have even since I was little, so what have I observed.  I’ve visited many nursing homes.  The air is different sometimes from room to room.  There are contented elderly people, and there are not so contented ones.  Is it our focus more than our feelings that determines the sort of people we are.  My mema every time she got up she would say “Oh, me, me, me”!  But she got up and she cooked all the time.    My nana never complained any that I can remember.  If she hurt or had pains, I never heard her.  Although I know she suffered a stroke and had to learn to do everything over, even talk.   

At the reunion my aunt Edna smiled big, she looked so proud reminding me of times my Pepa smiled like that when we came to his grandfather's reunion.  Maybe he was looking down and smiling.  Now I think of my Papa, he wasn’t a complainer either, he worked hard every day that he could.  He suffered from back pain and joints,the only thing I remember him saying once was “Old age aint for weenies”.  I’m only 37.  I hope I can smile and have the same attitude he had. 

Now I think of my mom, she’s not old to me, she never will be.  I can tell by her entry she may not be looking forward to turning sixty, but then again I think she’s so thankful for turning sixty.  My mom’s groans which are few give way to praise for God’s goodness.  She focuses on gratitude and I think that started early in her life.   I remember a cartoon from “Family Circus”  The clouds are parting, and the little boy says to his mom, the sun is shining through and I can see a little bit of Heaven. 

Ok J-land what do you think, what is your focus today, regardless of your feelings?  Is it of gratitude.  This is why I believe my mom grows more sweet and more beautiful each waking day.



First Prayer I learned

When Sherry, Dena, Lance and I were children, we kids always recited this prayer every night.  “Now I lay me down to sleep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take.  Amen!”  For years I spoke the words to this prayer without stopping to consider what I was even saying, I was taught to memorize it, but I really didn’t know what I was praying for.  I can’t remember the exact day when I really understood what I was praying, but I remember really praying it that night and not just saying it, and I still say it every night in my head along with a lot of other things.  I also remember my little brother Lance asking my mom when he was little,  My mom would come to each of our rooms each night and say our prayers with us and tell us she loved us before we would go to sleep.  On this night he said “Mama”  what does Fieshadye mean?”  (If I should die) We still laugh about this till today. 

The same with that prayer of thanks we all said at the supper table.  “God is great, God is Good let us thank Him for our food, by his hands we are feed give us Lord our daily bread”.   He definitely is both.  Both of these were simple childhood prayers that celebrates his greatness.  A greatness beyond comprehension for me even as an adult.  But I still feel so near to HIM.  Thanks God that He uses His greatness not to destroy us but to save us, and he uses his goodness not as a reason to reject us but as a way to reach us.


I feel like a child again, singing “Yes Jesus love Me”, in Sunday School, or “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, sweetest name I know, fills my every longing, keeps me singing as I go.”

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Oldest person at the reunion

Every year at the Harper reunion they give a plaque for the oldest person there.  Edna Harper was married to my grandfather's first cousin.  She's always been a sweet lady.  When I asked her could I take her picture, she wanted to know why was I going to put it in the corn field to keep the crows away.   I told her she was beautiful and I was going to put it on a seniors dating service on the internet.  She just laughed and laughed.  She told me some good stories about years gone by, and memories of my great great grandmother.  I also thought of my Mema, because my Mema would be the same age if she was still alive.   I love family reunions always have.  I think everyone enjoyed the old pictures I brought.  Well seems most of the journals are not working.  I can't seem to get any of them up, except this one.   My picture of the day journal is not working.


Does anyone know if there is a study or some crazy website, that views your personality with what you watch on television.  I started thinking about it last night.  Mike loves Sci Fi, well I love it too.  The images on the tv screen captures our attention and we sit down to watch.  As we flip from channel to channel, is there any connection between what we decide to watch and what is in our heart?  Does our faith in Christ have anything at all to do with our tv choices.  Something to ponder.  I love fantasy shows, sci fi, but I also love those shows that touch your heart.  Why did they ever take off “Touched by and Angel”, I used to love my weekly cries on that show.  I love excitement and action, and yes I even watch some reality shows that are becoming larger than life.  Is there going to be a real life “Truman Show” coming out in the future?  There is also a lot of crap on tv, the standards are falling.  What affects our TV viewing habits?  I watch a show and have from the time it came out.  It’s not a show I would want my niece or nephews to watch with me, but for some reason I’ve been drawn to it.   “Six Feet Under”,  Mike however says this show disturbs him.   I’m not sure why I enjoy it so much.  Maybe because it plays with my mind so much.  I love philosophy.  There have been a few episodes that really bothered me or left me speechless.  It has surly pushed many buttons, but I’ve been a faithful watcher from inception.  This Sunday it comes to a close, and it’s about letting go.  Maybe it’s because it deals with death on so many levels that some people are scared of it.   Also the characters aren’t the most stable of people.  But then again we all have our burdens to bear.  The whole purpose of the show is to make people deal with those absolutely taboo subjects. It makes us uncomfortable; however, it makes us deal with what really goes on in our minds and lets us know that we're not all crazy.  It is sometimes a little warped, but I find some virtue in the show.  Sometimes I think they are going for a little shock value.  I’m not crazy about that.  I’ve always loved shows that make me think about life.  Maybe I need to meditate on this.  This entry isn’t going exactly the way I planned but oh well.  I was going to write on how many bad shows are on, instead went in a totally different direction.  Guess watching television is like character, it’s formed by making choices like television is with using the remote control.  Oh wow, I’m making quotes now.  J

Monday, August 15, 2005

Shave head

I had a great Monday, work was good.  I got home and went to the pool to do some laps, had a nice little workout.  Came home and got Mike to shave my head.  It feels really good. I'll put some pictures on my photoblog tomorrow since it is time for the Round Robin Challeng again.  I'm tired, off to bed.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

I'm back home

I'm back home, sure missed Mike.  I think this is the longest we've been apart.  The weekend was wonderful.  It started with sweet Autumn, she wanted to be the first one to see me and she was.  So we spent Saturday morning together.  What a little lady she's becoming.  We watched the Winn Dixie dog movie,she loves it.  When I saw Eli and Ethan,  I took Eli to the slides and to play outside.  He had a big smile on his face.  I couldn't believe how tall he's gotten.

Then I looked in little Ethan's eyes, that kid really does look like me.  Something about those eyes.  He's quite the sport, Mama says when she looks at him she thinks about me and how I was as a baby. 

The weekend was really great and the reunion was nice today.  Everyone was hungry and there was plenty of food.  I brought a bunch of old pictures and everyone enjoyed looking at them. 

Sherry and Mark are doing great, marriageagrees with her.  Dena and Andy have their hands full with the boys but I know it's where their heart is.   I got to meet Lance's new girlfriend Amy, she's really sweet.   He seems really happy. 

I got to see my mom's smile for the first time without the braces.  Beautiful is all I can say.   It's nice be home, and it was sure nice to visit home.  The boys birthdays are in a few weeks so we'll be back soon.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

saturday pictures

I've taken over 100 pictures just today so thought I'd just put a few on here, can't wait to edit them.  We had a great day today, Autumn is a sweet as ever and so grown, she played tomboy for the first part of the day wearing the cap, the boys have grown so much.   Post more later

Friday, August 12, 2005

Saturday morning

I made  it home to Georgia.  I picked Mike up from the airport this evening, and good news he got the job, we are both so happy.  I was sad to leave him, especially since I wanted to celebrate.  But we got home and I got packed and left by 10 pm and just made it home about an hour ago.  Good to be home.  But miss Michael.  I didn't even have time to really talk to him about how everything went.  I'm just so happy for him.  Well I need to hit the sack, so I can have some fun with the family tomorrow.  Sleep well Mike, I love you!


Thursday, August 11, 2005

Alone on a Thursday night

It's been a while since I've spent a night by myself.  Mike is in Ft. Lauderdale and I'm home alone with my thoughts.  Been thinking about us.   Seems there is no bigger challenge for any of us than to have a happy, healthy productive relationships.  There are few things more satisfying than to have peaceful relationships with those we love and interact with daily.   I guess we all know it's far easier to get along when we're kind and courteous than when we're thoughtless and disrespectful.   In the quiet of the night I stop and think about it, most of our FRICTIONS occur when either Mike or I insist on getting our way, or try and manage and control everything from routine stuff to bigger decisions.  I guess we all have our own ideas,and of course we don't always get our way.  So we become disappointed and upset.  So know I figured this out, how do I avoid problems like this.   I look forward to more balance.  I find life is better when I try and stay sensitive to Mike's needs, and more open to his ideas even if I don't agree completely.  Compromise it's a good thing.  I miss the big guy!  He called earlier and sounded good. Abby is a bit whiny tonight, can't believe how fast the night went.  I'm trying to get some stuff together for the reunion.  Look at this cool brand new car of my great grandfather's brother.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Henry S.C. Harper reunion

This is my great great grandfather when he was a young man.  This is the reunion I'm going to this weekend in my hometown.  When I was a little boy it was at the old church where my great great grandparents went to church.   There was no airconditioner and it was so hot,I remember those old fans I would fan myself with.  Then after the sermon we had so much food from some of the best cooks around.  Chicken and dumplings were my favorite.  I'm looking forward to it.


Wednesday already

Boy time sure flies.  Mike is leaving tomorrow for a interview, a company is flying him down to Ft. Lauderdale where the company is based.  Everyone keep him in your thoughts, send us some good vibes.  I'm excited for him.  He's really excited.  He has a really good feeling about it.  I'm headed home this weekend for a family reunion.  I'm excited, can't wait to see everyone.  I havn't been to this family reunion in quite a long time, it was my favorite reunion when I was growing up, it's for the descendents of my great great grandparents, so it's usually a pretty large one, I'll write more on it later.  Well I better get back to the grindstone.  Short break here.   I'm  home now, Mike is cute, he got his haircut and he's getting all ready for tomorrow, it's nice to see him so excited about something.  I really have a good feeling about this.  He's got his clothes all pressed a haircut, dang I need another picture.  But he won't put his clothes on.  Well got to run, I've got chicken in the oven.

Monday, August 8, 2005


    Mema   God heard you when you said you were tired.  So he put His loving arms around you And whispered "Come with me" With tearful eyes you fade away.   Although we each love you dearly, we could not make you stay.   Your golden heart stopped beating.   Your loving hands that prepared so many loving meals rest now.   God broke our hearts to prove to us He only takes the best!   We love you Mema and miss you! You wll remain in our hearts and minds forever. Say hello to Papa and tell him we love him too!   Happy birthday!

Ftp questions

Does anyone out there have any idea about what you do when you run out of FTP disc space?  I don't want to start deleting old pictures from old entries, maybe I'm supposed to do a backup or something, really not sure.  Well it's Monday again, my starting over date.  Seems I always do my starting over on Monday's, guess we can do this everyday, but I always feel better on Monday.   Yesterday we didn't make it to church, we overslept by a few minutes.  Our friend Mike came over afterwards and took us out to lunch and to the beach for Pride Celebration, they had good music and a pretty nice crowd.  It was really hot, I didn't know if I was going to make it the first hour it was so hot, so yep the shirts came off, I'll put some pictures on here later.  Everyone have a great week.

Amazing Grace

A few days of the week I hear Mike playing on his chanter “Amazing Grace”, he’s been playing this one since I met him.  Today I’m wondering what Grace really means to me.   Do I know grace?  I know the phrase “by grace you can be saved through faith…it it sthe gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”    We are all offered forgiveness, this I am thankful for.  None of us are perfect.  Especially me.  So I guess God’s grace if surely for me.  “Amazing grace!  How sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!  I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.  This song was one of my Mema’s favorite songs.  My back is feeling much better today, maybe I’m just in a better place.

Saturday, August 6, 2005


My back is killing me, not sure if I'm going to make it to church tomorrow or not, can't seem to shake this pain.   If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all, isn't that how it goes.  Well I guess I don't have much to say.  Pain sucks.  Thanks for all the well wishes, and good thoughts.

Thursday, August 4, 2005


Today I’ve been creekwalking in my mind.  One of my favorite things to do in North Georgia is creek walking.  I recall walking along a creek up in Clayton Georgia, I’ll search my photo’s later to see if I can add one.  When I was a counselor up there I did this on a regular basis.  I remember once taking a group up to a creek that led to a waterfall.  I remember the cool water and wearing my tennishoes out that summer from so many creek walks.  One creek walk I got all the kids to collect rocks and things to brink back to camp so we could polish them, there was this one little kid named Hunter, he was a lot smaller than the other kids, but he went way above and beyond, collecting many little shiny stones, way more than the other kids, he stuff every pocket full, shirt, and jacket,  and even carried many in his shirt.  I’m not sure what brought this memory to life today.  But I think of it and smile.  This was quite a big hike, and with the load he had he began to get way behind.  I usually didn’t take groups more than 15, we always had one counselor in the front and one in the back, I was in the back this day, and I made a few attempts to help Hunter, maybe try to lessen the load by getting rid of some of the stones, but he was adamant at keeping them all.  I had a backpack and my own load, but realizing how tired he was getting offered Hunter to put some of his load in my backpack.  He got thisfunny look on his face and smiled real big, he said “Why don’t you just carry me, and I’ll carry all my stones.”   Not sure how I did it but I threw him on my shoulders and off we went.  We finally made it back to camp.   I think back on this today, I wonder how often we are like little Hunter, still wanting to carry our burdens, but willing to be carried if the offer comes along.  I’ve said this many times, I’ll carry all my burdens or problems, but you can carry me.  We can cast all our cares upon Him, I know that’s somewhere in the bible, may be worded differently, but I remember it.  Well the ony one I could find was of the waterfall we got to at the end of the creek.

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Wednesday thoughts

I'm not much on jewelry, never have been, all I can ever remember wanting was maybe a ring.  Mike gave me a claddagh ring back on Christmas.  The ring with a heart and two hands reaching towards the heart and a crown on top of the heart.  I wear this ring at all times, and it means many diffrent things for me.  I enjoy wearing it because I like people asking me about it, so I can share about it.  It also means commitment in our relationship, it speaks of love, and faith, and fun.  It has also transformed me in many ways.  Trials and testings.  Mike lost his job today, so prayer requests are going out to everyone.  Mike sounds optimistic about it, so I'm going to try and be the same.  I let go of any worries.  I spent most of my early life worrying, I think it's time to let go.  Bless us a lot!  :)  Eli was in the hospital earlier this week with a stomach bug, Sat-Tuesday.  Glad to hear he's doing much better. The family is going to go out to Lake Blackshear this weekend, but I'm going to be missing it, will be glad to go home, not much longer, there is Ethan and Eli's birthday this month and a family reunion.

Monday, August 1, 2005

Physical Therapy and Psychology

Well I went to the chiropractor today I've been having some back problems and neck problems, he said I was way past due, I also met with my psychologist, we had a great session.  Always feels good to get things unloaded that build up from past.   Just sitting here listening to  running a bath I'm bout to soak these sore muscles.  Hope everyone is out to a good Monday start.