Sunday, August 21, 2005

Sunday Evening

I'm sitting here in quiet, thinking, just read my sister's blog.  I'm so happy she and my mom started one.  I'm still hurting some, I made it to church got up early soaked in some green stuff that helps soak away the pain so to speak.  We had a guest speaker today that I especially enjoyed and he brought his mother.  He told his story and background which I could identify with.  We sang songs that I grew up with old Baptist hymns which I still love today.  Today my thought are of my relationships with other people my friends, my family.  In the past, in my case my relationshp with others I tended to think and act in extremes.  At times for instance I shunned my friends and loved ones as a way to display my independence.  Makes me think of my sister Sherry, who at a early age would say "leave me lone".  She is one of the most independent women I know, both of my sisters are.  At other times after I left home I would say most of the times I was overly dependent and somewhat "needy",literally squeezing dry the people I loved so.

Hopefully, I've since achieved a degree of emotional stabilty, and settled into a middle ground, I'm not sure what this level is called, but I'm pretty comfortable here.  My close friendships are now based on mutual trust and caring.   I used to not think of my friendships in the same way.  Now I want good things for them, the things their heart desire.  I want them to grow and fulfill their potential however that may be.  I'm usually really quiet and I'm not sure my friends know how I really feel about them, but I want all the happiness in the world for them, just like my family.  I want this for Mike and I as well, he's out working tonight on his first day of work at his new job.  I'm wishing him the best on this new career, I hope he enjoys it and it goes well for him.

It's the 2nd year anniversary of J-land so tell me J-land what kind of relationships do you value the most today?  They are those in which we give the best within ourselves to each other, without expecting or demanding anything in return-least of all control over one another.  Sherry I loved your entry, you gave me inspiration to write my entry today.  I didn't think I would have it in me.  But I did, so thanks for giving me that inspiration.  I think it's great to clearly and accuratly see ourselves through the eyes of our friends. O.K now it's time for my last night of Six Feet Under.  Hope my mind is strong enough for it,  I think its about letting go, one thing that is very hard for me.




justaname4me2 said...

In honor of the 2 year annervisary, I'm out journal surfing and came across yours. I believe, the relationships I value the most in my life right now, are the one's that don't add negative blackness, but rather shine light in my life. I found I allowed far too many toxic and high expectation relationships in my life and have slowly and carefully cut those ties over the last few years.
I feel I'm a much happier person without those burdens. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
I hope your feeling better soon and thank you for this entry.

nicurnmama said...

the no brainer answer for me is my darling husband and my children....duh! But the real answer is my son, my little man....tonite, after an exhausting day at work and as I was beginning to drift off to sleep while talking to Bill about my day's frustrations, little man burst into the room exclaiming, "mommy?....MOMMMY!" He then jumped into bed into my arms for a big bear hug....only an hour earlier he kept me at arms length when I greeted him as I came home....he was busy watching Harry Potter I......but a soon after being tucked into bed (mommy was busy washing the yucky MRSA bugs off of her) he realizied he did not say good night to me....that boy just melts my heart everytime and gosh how he lifts me up. I am so overwhelemed when I think what a blessing he is to me....I am soooo glad I took a risk. I am blessed for it. My family is blessed and joy filled because of this amazing boy.
Hugs, Derek!