Friday, April 29, 2005

John's Weekend Assignment

Weekend Assigment #57: Share some of your favorite Journals, Blogs and Web sites not on AOL Journals. Come on, we know you go off the school grounds from time to time. Tell us where you go. 'Cause we want to go, too. Even just one pick is fine (no more than five, though. Pick the best to share). Also, just in case this was a temptation, my site off AOL should not be one of your selections.




Extra Credit find a link you think your mother might like.  What is it?

My mom loves birds


There are many more I visit, I'll have to get a big list entry of all the journals I visit.  I need to get more organized too.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Wendy's Thursday Photo Shoot

I did a little photo shoot for Wendy on my her lunch break today.  It was a few minutes of fun, she has a smile that is infectious, can't help but smile when I'm around her, it's good being around people like her.


When I was growing up, one of the things my dad always had me watching was “Boxing”, a brutal but manly sport to him, I remember watching it, and never could figure out why two grown men wanted to pound each other in the head until the other one fell.  But to my dad it was the epiphany of manhood.  He used to try so hard to make me a man so young.  I remember him trying to teach me to box,  I remember one Christmas he bought me a whole boxers set, gloves, Ali shorts, boots, and the metal thing he so carefully screwed onto the barn walls, then it was a little trip to the country store where we would blow up that double end bag, he was so excited, more so than me, because all I wanted to do was go back home and do ceramics on my new wheel with clay my Mema got me.  But I went along with him because this is what I was supposed to do.  I remember looking at that double end bag, and thought how he would have me punching this thing for long periods of time, warming me up for being that boxer he dreamed of.  I don’t know if I was praying but all I remember is my dad in all his excitement, started blowing that bag up on one of those old time air pumps, they were as big as gas tanks, that black bag got bigger and bigger, and then all of a sudden I heard the loudest sound, louder than a gun go off, my dad had filled that bag so full that it burst in his hands.  We both jumped so much, I was sure someone had shot us.  But this sudden glee filled me when I saw it was the bag that had busted, and I saw this sadness in my dads eyes, maybe even a tear as his dream was shattered.  Especially when we got back to Mema’s and I got on that pottery wheel and all the creations I made, and the bright blue’s and yellow’s I painted them.  What brought back all these memories today, Well I’m often reading quotes from difffrent people and today’s quote was made by a famous boxer. It’s about Roadwork, he says “you can map out a fight plan or a life plan.  But when the action starts you are down to your reflexes that’s where your roadwork shows.  If you cheated on that in the dark in the morning, You’re getting found out now in the bright lights

~former heavyweight boxing champion, Joe Frazier


So maybe I’m a boxer after all dad!  We all are!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Beautiful Abby

I once thought I couldn't love a lab as much as "Baby", but "Abby" is such a wonderful girl, so sweet, so beautiful, so obedient.  She has my heart.  I love taking pictures of her, she's such a sweet model.  This was at sunset down on the St. Johns River.  Busy day today, I'm very tired, think I'm going to go curl up and vege.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Opening of the Beaches

We did opening of the beaches after church.  I saw my friends Jeff and Mark who I hadn't seen in about a year.  I think I've known them longer than anyone else here in Jacksonville, they've been together 16 years.  Anyway we had a wonderful time, the beach was beautiful, the parade was fun, and there was good music, live band outside, and inside there was louder music, but we stayed out in the sun, Mark and Jeff made some chicken salad, so we all four had a little picnic.  Saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while, and we saw some other friends.  Added a pic of me that Mike took, I played with it a bit, and put Photo's by Mike on my picutre.  Then came home for a early evening and resting up.  Today was Mike's first day back at work, I can see a big change in him. 

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Art festival but no movie stars

Mike and I went to the art festival in Ponte Vedra Beach today, it was really nice, we saw lots of beautiful paintings, ceramics, digital photography, photography, and sculptures.  Along with wonderful music from a jazz guitar, celtic music from some kind of harp, many diffrent types of music.  Then we took a few pictures with my 35mm at the beach.  I did stand for another hour waiting for John to come out of the house they were filming in but again, I missed him.   I'm not the most patient person, so I just walk down there, if I don't see anyone, I just come back to the house, although I have waited twice for about 30- to an hour.  Just wanted say thanks to everyone who prayed for Mike and me.  He found a great job Friday.  He starts on Monday.  We were so happy.  New church last week, and new job this week.  Our prayers were answered.  Hope everyone is having a full weekend.

"Lonely Hearts"

So far not much luck on see anyone up close and personal from this new movie they are filming one block from where Mike lives, only 5 houses down.  Mike's not much into this, he actually saw John Travolta but it's not big thing to him, I sat there for an hour, I would of stayed longer, but I knew Mike wanted to go eat.  I did see Selma's sister close up, the more I look at it the more I think it was her.  She was very tiny, but lots of curves.  These are the few pics I've got so far.  I did get one of Laura Dern on the balcony, of course she wouldn't face the camera's, and one of Jay Leto just laying back, they were serving him coffee or something up there, he played in the movie Alexander, and Alexander's right hand man, if you know what I mean.   The movie is a true story that took place in the 40's about two detectives that break the case of the Lonely Hearts Killer's, this is based on a true story, but it was a man and wife who lured women into their house by answering their lonely hearts ad, and became serial killers to a string of murders.  Sounds like a thriller, but John Travolta plays one of the detectives.  I did get one close up as you see of a bloodhound, he is the closest star I've gotten to as of yet, he plays one of the bloodhounds in the movie, lol.  He was sweet.  I walked down this morning nothing going on yet.  Maybe I'll get lucky, I can't believe I missed the close up by like 5 minutes yesterday.  Oh well they are shooting here for at least a month, maybe I'll get lucky.   Here's the grisly tale, they called them the honeymoon killers.  His wife would pretend to be his sister and he would seduce these women into marrying him, and then killing them for their money.  Spooky stuff!

Friday, April 22, 2005

Movie Stars

Yes, John Travolta, Laura Dern, and Salma Hayek are one block away, filming his new movie, I walked over to watch them shooting, still havn't seen John, someone told me he had just walked in the house when I walked up, I noticed a lady with a big pink antelbellum dress, and by the time I recognized her as Laura Dern she turned around and walked in the house.  I did see Salma Hayek's sister so far, and I've got the camera.  I'm going to walk over with the camera and see if I can get anything.  Wish me luck.




It is a sattelite shot of the beach place.  But this is my last month there my lease runs out on June 1st.  Mike and I are moving in together.  Is this the first time I've actually said this in my journal, or really said it out loud, maybe it's just sinking in.  Not sure.  Guess sometimes writing it down makes it more real than just thinking or saying it.  Writing has always been more real for me anyway, not sure why.  The opening of the beaches is this weekend.  Art festival on Saturday and the parade on Sunday so I do plan on us enjoying that.  Riverside is where I'm moving, I've lived there before years ago, and I've always loved it, it's right by the St. John's River, the only River on Earth besides the Nile that flows North.  It's beautiful, so look forward to more river shots, but I do still plan on enjoying the beach from time to time.  Instead of 1 minute away from the beach I'll only be 30 minutes away.  The St. Johns River is beautiful, and they've really beautified it because of all the renovations they did when the Super Bowl was here.  I love running my 3-4 miles on the river.  I'll have to take the camera one day and take some pictures.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

My Cousin Caia's New video

My cousin Caia and a friend have created and produced a new video, so had to show it to everyone.  Check it out!  I'm so proud of her.  Baby dance was created by Teresa and Caia, two mothers of young children who were inspired to introduce dance to children under six years old.Picture from Hometown

In the past ten years there has been extensive research on children under six years old who have been introduced to activities that have a direct
mind-body connection. They found these children have higher scores on reading readiness tests, are more self-confident, have a better ability in spacial relations and are more likely to be physically fit as adults.

In a world where childhood obesity is an epidemic, Teresa and Caia set out to create a video and DVD series that would introduce young children to the joy of dance and movement in a format that children and parents would enjoy together.

Teresa and Caia were well qualified for the job. Teresa has been a children’s dance teacher for the past 11 years and has developed a pre-school dance class that emphasizes creative movement, basic ballet technique, tap dance, and international dances. As a professional dancer, she has toured the world, and as a choreographer she has received some of the most sought after awards in the entertainment business( Los Angeles Drama Critics Circle nomination, Los Angeles Drama-logue Award for Best Choreography, Los Angeles Ovation Award nomination for Best Choreographer). Her choreography credits include the film “SCARECROW” (Warner Bros. Home Entertainment), a dance themed children’s animated movie.

Caia’s passion for childhood education began at Georgia State University with a degree in Early Childhood Education. She yearned to find new and dynamic ways to educate and entertain. Realizing the power that visual mediums have with children, she decided to advance her knowledge of film and video production by getting behind the camera and directing a short film that was awarded by the industry at The Parable Film Festival and The Telluride Film Festival. She is now a successful film-maker having directed films like CHOOSING MATHIAS, a Hallmark feature film, as well as having many other film projects to her credit. Most importantly she honed the skills that would combine her love of children, education and entertainment.

Our hope is that you enjoy Baby Dance with your children, whether you are a Mom, Dad, Grandparent, Aunt, Uncle or even a teacher of young children. It will be a time to spend together laughing and learning something new that could make a positive impact on your children’s lives.

“While you are being filled with the joy of dance, good things are happening to your body.”- Better Homes and Gardens Magazine

“Pre-school students who regularly participated in Sensory Motor Training (for example: Dance) had statistically significant increases in Reading Readiness levels.” – The Gates-McGinite Reading Readiness Test

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

John and another Photo Shoot

All right John has given us a Tuesday Photo shoot, Cool.  Our Tuesday Photo Shoot! Earth Day and Renewal

Yes, that's right: This week we're doing two photo shoots, and I'll tell you why: I was talking with some of the AOL Journal folks about possibly doing some Earth Day-themed stuff (as Earth Day is this Friday, don't you know), and it occured to us that Earth Day would be a natural fit for a photo shoot. And so here we are. We think your camera is up to it.

Earth Day is about being environmentally conscious, and as it happens Spring is a great time for that, as the signs of earth's renewing itself make it easy to think about our world and the good things about it. So that's the Photo Shoot: Show signs of the earth renewing itself. This could be as easy as some shots of flowers in bloom, or as imaginative as you'd like to make it.

Over by where I work they plant a little flower garden, on my lunch breaks I walk over there sometimes, I can't believe all the flowers already coming up and how green things have been getting.  I havn't done any planting at all this year.  But I've been feeling it calling me evertime I go to the plant dept of Target or Walmart.   Can't seem to get FTP working tonight so had to post the picture the old fashion way.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Monday Photo Shoot

Over at John's He is a big fan of literacy. First, of course, his livelihood -- here and elsewhere -- depends on people being able to read, and to read more than simple instruction or direction: He needs people to read to enjoy reading. So there's an element of self-preservation to my admiration of literacy. Second, it's just an essential skill for everyone: From reading instructions on a can of food to intelligently voting in an election, reading makes a difference in how all our lives turn out. Third, and most importantly, reading is simply a joy: The best way to get lost in another world, where all you need to travel are words on a page (or a screen) and your own imagination. You can't beat that. And so, in recognition that literacy rocks -- I agree with you 100% John, the skill to have when you're having skills -- I present this week's Monday Photo Shoot:

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Picture something that represents literacy to you. People reading, a street sign you wouldn't want not to read, a favorite book: Anything that conveys the significance of words.

This is Autumn being read her favorite bedtime story, "The Scariest Monster in the World", I love reading it too her so I can make the monster noises, and she always really get's into it.  This is her mom Amanda reading it too her.



Sometimes I sit and think about how broke I am all the time!  J So how much does money matter to me, not enough I guess, cause I never seem to have it.  Sometimes I wonder if I did have money what direction would it go in.  How would I spend my money?  How do I spend my money now?  Sometimes I feel like I’m a slave to it, and I never even have it.  I think when I don’t have it, what I could be doing, or I sit around in lullsville, well not always but sometimes.  Funny I’m thinking about money, maybe because I know how broke I am, and know I don’t get paid till Friday, plus I was a little sad that I didn’t have much to give in the offering.  Money really doesn’t matter that much to me.  I’ve never really had a lot, so I guess I’ve never really been one to want material things, I have had them given to me before, and I’ve also been friends with those with great riches and who were very depressed.  So I know money isn’t the answer to anything.    I’ve heard the saying before “For a quick check on your heart, check out your checkbook.”  If that was true though I wouldn’t have much of a heart.  But maybe it means how you feel about knowing how much you have.  I have riches in my life that I am very thankful for.  O.K. all this said, I still wish I could win the lottery, after all I do live in Florida. I am telling myself in words that I don’t want more, but what is my heart really saying.  I’m yearning for more, and sometimes I wonder if more, means money?  I know it doesn’t bring happiness, but I sure could use a little bit of it anyway

I was reading Gab’s about visualizing, if you havn’t read it check it out, I think it’s a great read, and if we could take time out in our lives to try this, we could do just about anything we set our minds too.  This was a nice weekend, relaxed, went to see Sahara which I loved, very exciting.  I was resting my back most of the weekend, we went over to Mike’s mom yesterday and she cooked a wonderful salmon with rice, cauliflower, and a salad.  Mike and I went to church yesterday, and let me just tell you how great it felt for me.  The church we went to was our first time there, but when I first walked in I felt a welcoming.  I felt I was supposed to be there.  I felt an  enthuasism, that I can’t describe where it came from, maybe just the Spirit.  The church wasn’t in the best part of town, and there was actually construction in front of the church that actually caused you to almost miss it.  It’s one of the oldest churches in and I can tell you I felt the history in it, it was small, quaint, not a large congregation, one that is growing.   All I know is I for a long time I’ve been praying to find a place that I felt where I belong which was a good feeling.  The church has some work that it needs as I looked around, just like me.  I read the plaque outside and said it was built by one of the first settlers of Jacksonville.  I remember a sermon of saying the church is the body of Christ.  It was a little battered, and had some scarring, but I kept thinking, hmm, I can see this church growing.  It’s been a while since I’ve been personally involved in a church, many distractions, and I’m sure those distractions will continue.  I felt a calling that I was supposed to be there.  I feel I’ll be back.  It wasn’t just things about the church that I felt I wanted to patch, like cracks in the wall, or the old curtains.  The old piano music made me feel at home, the hymns, and the sermon touched me also.   It was just like that day was supposed to happen.  I have so many ideas about life, and what is to come with Mike and I moving in together and what our house will be like.  We’ve all been given talents to be used for Him, this I believe.  Sometimes I feel like my light is shining, and sometimes I feel like it’s about out and I need a new battery.  I know in my heart I want to shine for a greater purpose.  I want to write more, but I’ve got to get to work.  More later I’m sure

Sunday, April 17, 2005

When do you blog?

I've heard a few of you out there commenting on blogging and when you blog, adn when you don't and on the little breaks we take from it.  I'm thinking about it for me.  Well mostly I blog in the evenings or afternoon hours. Today however I'm up early, I don't usually blog in the early hours cause I'm usually in the warmth of my bed spooning.  I blog when I feel like it, which is mainly post-cereal in the morning on the weekends(and I get up earlier too). Then I go back to bed after I get my thoughts out, lol.  When I first started I thought ok I have to put some words of wisdom or something in here everyday, I made it a pressure on myself.  Lol, but that quickly faded, I started enjoying my daily rituals, and if I didn't post an entry I was ok with that too.  It's like everything else right, I know many of you married ladies with kids who blog and people busy with their professions and just life, it's all about balance right?  Would love to hear your thoughts on your daily blog rituals if you have any.  Just to let everyone know my back is doing much better.  Still a little but nothing like it was, I must have pulled a muscle or something.  Guess no more jumping on the trampoline at the gym, lol.  Well I'm going back to bed for another 30 minutes to an hour and it's off to church.  Everyone have a great day.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I'm looking here and there and everywhere

Sometimes I sit and think about my problems and my pain, yes I’m still having some backpain, and anyone that has had it can sympathize I’m sure.  But I don’t want to let the pain take over, and it’s not pain 100% of the time.  How often do I sit and think about what is the crisis of the day.  Turn on the news.  It’s terrorism and it’s random threats.  Or look around me at the people they are laying off, or poor Mike still looking for a job, the economy and the fear that we will run out of money before we run out of time.  We all have bad things that happen or may be happening, when I complained about my back the other day, I got an response on my entry for prayers because of my back from someone that would pray for me, because she knew about pain and had been out on disability for the last year and a half.  I ask for everyone to remember cyndygee in your prayers.  Everyone feels pain from time to time, some excruciating, some just the pains of every day.  Sometimes fear can do some terrible things to us, I’m not saying some things aren’t just physical but I think much is in the mind.  My mom used to read these books I remember as a teenager, and every now and then I would grab one after she finished not asking,  I figured if it’s good enough for her, that I should be able to read it too.  Most of the times I was ok, unless it was some big romance novel, I didn’t care for those.  But this one was really good.  It was about a lady who went through great sadness, pain, and heartache with grace.  Grace, something I wished for my sister’s wedding today “plantings of grace”.  This woman I read about was Corrie ten Boom who lived through the horror of lifein a Nazi concentration camp- a place where hope was lost for most people.  This book grabbed my attention first because “The Diary of Anne Frank” was one of the first books that really moved me.  So I thought this one would too.  Unlike Anne Frank Corrie Ten Boom survived to tell her story of unfaltering faith and tight fisted hope in God, she even somehow got a Bible in with her even though they stripped her of every cloth.  She saw the face of evil up close and personal.  From her writings I know she saw so much pain and inhumane acts man can do to man.  And when she came out of it all, she said this:  “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed.  If you look within, you’ll be depressed.  But if you look at Christ, you’ll be at rest.”  I write this and goosebumps come up over me.  I ask myself lately where am I looking for my answers?  Am I focusing on what’s wrong and what I can’t control.  Am I looking inward, hoping I can find my own answers through trial and error.  Or am I truly looking where Corrie says it so well, where I will find rest.  Keep me in your prayers as I keep all of you in mine, everyone in J-Land, and all over.  In love and light. Peace out! 

Monday, April 11, 2005

John's Monday Photo Shoot Time Keeps Ticking

Over at John's Our Monday Photo Shoot: Time Keeps Ticking Show us picture of something that to you represents the passage of time.  

 I didn't take the original,  because I wasn't born, but I did actually use my camera to take a picture of the pictures.  But it's a timeline of one beautiful woman my Great Grandmother Annie.  Beautiful throughout the ages.  I remember my grandmother I was almost a teenager when she died.   But I thought this would be something to show the passage of time.

Home from Work

Ok, need some prayers again, I'm back from work, and my back is really hurting bad, not sure what it is, but some severe pain.  Any prayers are appreciated as always.


Thanks  :)

Kilgore's the beekeepers

An interesting thing I found out about some my Kilgore ancestors, these were my mother's mom's family. Was that they were beekeepers. I remember my Nana's brother Uncle Joe we called him, I think his name was Jodie. He had many hive bodies out in his fields. I remember my Uncle Joe but this is the only thing I remember talking to him about, because it was one of the only thing that really interested me. I hung out more with his wife Aunt Doris and their daughters and grand-daughters and grandsons. I remember there being a lot of women in that family. But they all worked as hard as any man. Anyway this whole beekeeping thing seemed interesting. I wasn't crazy about bees or getting stung, so I was amazed that he actually kept them, and he'd say they were his bees. I asked him about it and why he did it? And he said well, my father did it, and his father did it. So I guess it's a family thing. He showed me the hives, I was scared at first cause I thought when he opened the boxes they would just swarm out and attack like in the Killer Bee movies I had seen. But they didn't. I remember other things he told me. I wish I'd listened more, because he told me about these boxes he made for the bees, and how he made special chambers like one just for the queen of the hive, and he explained it all to this little boy that was me. I really don't remember much more than that, but I do remember this, I loved to eat honeycombs or the wax on top of the honey because I had asthma and it was supposed to be good for asthma. I loved anything I could learn about insects, not sure why they interested me so as a child and teenager. My project was Entomology from 6th grade till 9th grade in 4-H, I would usually win in District Project Achievement, but at State I only won once. Anyway getting off the subject. Anyway I remember bits and pieces of it all, but not really much. I asked him how he got his bees in the first place and he showed me something that I will never forget. He took part of the honeycomb full of honey, and put it in a jar. We left the hives and just walked for a long ways. Somewhere out far. I remember my 3rd cousin Greg being with us. He had red hair and freckles like my Uncle Andy. He took the honeycomb out and put it out on this old log. Greg and me played and ran around and looked at the hogs and the rest of the farm, then we saw Uncle Joe waving his arms, we came over and on the honeycomb was a bee. He said these bees here communicate,this bee will go find it's bee friends and within a hour or so there will be more bees here. And they will just keep coming till a whole swarm is here. They will carry all the honey back to their hive. Well these were actually probably bees from the hives we had walked from, but he said this is an example of how got his bees. I then asked him did he ever get stung, and he said more times than he'd like to remember. That was it, then it was off with cousin Greg to play until we heard our moms calling us to tell us "The Wizard of Oz" was on, for some reason my mom wanted me to see this movie with all my Kilgore cousins. I often think of things when I was young, and apply them to today. I think about Uncle Joe, one of my Nana's favorite brother's and his childhood stories about his bees. Wouldn't it be great if we were like these ole bees. Are we telling others about the One we have found? The spirit has filled me with much good news, I think that's why I like sharing it in my blogs, just like those bees. Don't remain silent if you feel something you are supposed to share. Let it out! Honey is like Jesus, bring the bees to the honey! Preview

Saturday, April 9, 2005

Virginia in Nevada

Yesterday I wrote about my old roomate Ginni , it's funny we must have been on the same wavelength, because she actually emailed me yesterday and said she was thinking about me.  Just wanted to tell everyone out there in J-Land to keep her in your prayers.  Thanks for all your prayers yesterday, my check came today fedex, so I just overreacted, I was thinking negative and thinking it wouldn't come, but it did, and all that worry over nothing.  But thanks again, somewhere around 1 or 2 yesterday a real calmness came over me and I felt much better.  But I did bite all my fingernails off.  Have I mentioned I quit smoking Jan 1st.  Can't believe it's been almost 5 months already.  Anyway today is much better.  I've gone to the grocery store, Mike's making something crafty, and I'm cooking homemade chicken noodle soup, my comfort food.  Everyone have a great weekend.   

Friday, April 8, 2005

Feeling better already

Do you just ever have those days when nothing seems to be going right, as you know I was sick a few weeks ago, well, it's payday today, and I had found out that when I was out those 3 days of work, which my boss ok'd me to take as vacation days, so I wouldn't lose any pay, and I have plenty of vac days since I've been with the company so long, well long story short, my boss went on vacation for the week following, and no one told HR that I had returned to work, so they put through that I went out on disability since they didn't know I returned to work.  After they got that cleared they said they would fedex me a check yesterday overnight to work today, yeah it's rent time and stuff like that, and I'm broke.  Now I find out this morning that they are fedexing it to me tomorrow.  Well I know it's kind of silly now, but I let myself stress out really bad over the whole situation, look at the big picture, it could be much worse.  Thanks for all your prayers I feel better already.  Feel kind of silly making much to do about nothing.  I got to just let go, and know that everything will be taken care of, and I cannot control some things.  It happens!





Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Sherry and Eli

I'm only on the G's in my photo journal, but had to add this picture.  This is my sister Sherry with Eli, the first time he got to visit me at the beach, the picture of them was actually taken in the place I was living in Ponte Vedra at the time, and I took a picture of Jacksonville Beach, and played witht the color and added them to it.  Thought it looks pretty cool.  This is my sister that is getting married in less than two months, still can't believe it.  You can see how good she is with kids.  She's done a great job help raising Autumn.  Now I'm trying to picture her with a child of her own.  Another baby!  Well maybe  I'm jumping the gun,  I love being an uncle.  I'm looking forward to her wedding weekend.



This is something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I always worrying about how I am perceived by my peers. Many times I've felt judged by different things, lifestyle, the car I drive, my friends, lots of things. But worst of all I think I've taken much of the judgement and judged myself unfairly at times. I think back of childhood, why do I always go back to childhood for my metophors. But I think about something my dad would say. I went to a small Baptist church, and I questioned everything. One thing I really questioned was the fact that my dad said Our chuch is right and all the other ones are wrong. Which I didn't understand. So when I was a teenager, I rebelled and started going to a Methodist chuch sometimes. Funny how I felt something from them, a lesson, not that different, but to my dad they and any other religion was not right. I knew even back then something just didn't jive. Some churches have become divided over styles of worship. One group may be insisting on a traditional service, while another is agitating for a more contemporary format. There are so many, sometimes I wish I'd studied religion in college. I think we can learn or profit from many cultures, many religions. I know myself I'm more comfortable sometimes in one church over another. I've gone with friends to many different types. Sometimes I feel really blessed, by the sermon, even if sometimes there may be something I'm not comfortable with, or maybe I've just never experienced it. But then I think, was it something that God wouldn't like, and my mind is changed. This is something totally separate. I think God may have liked it, it's not really about me is it? This is a hard subject and I'm not sure I'm getting it out the way I want in words. We are entitled to our own preferences, and we must hold firmly to our convictions. But before we voice our fault finding opinions, let's seriously try to understand other viewpoints. I may be filled with the spirit when a song comes on, but it doesn't mean if the person sitting beside me isn't filled with the same spirit, something is wrong with them or they just don't get it. Whatever the style of worship, as we express to God our praise for who He is and all He has done, we lift Him up and encourage others. I think that's what God likes. I come from two very different backgrounds. My father's family which were the churchgoing folks every week, not missing a sermon, I'm glad I saw this side, it taught me many things, and it made me much who I was, but that side also conflicted with the other side, my mom's, which my mom's parents weren't big churchgoers, My Nana never went to church as long as I can remember. But she was a good woman and did things and praised God in her own way through her love of nature and animals, and the people around her, and the encouragement she gave us and all those around. So what am I saying in a nutshell, hmm, lots I guess. I didn't like it when I felt my Nana was judged by man because she chose not to go to church. But it's not up to man to do the judging, I think God knew her heart, just like He knows mine. Many people think I'm doomed, or evil. I've struggled with the bad and the good for a long time. I guess I'm just saying at the heart of worship is worship from the heart, not my saying, I've heard this before, but not sure where. I'll type it in a yahoo search and see if I can find it. I guess I'm just saying be filled with the Spirit, whether it be from listening to music that you love, singing, or just speaking to one another. Guess I'm saying a lot, got to sit with this one a little more.

Monday, April 4, 2005

Another dream

A lot of people have been writing about dreams in their journals lately, and I've often thought about just starting a dream journal, because I often have very lucid dreams. Last night I dreamed I was a little boy and I was listening to some preacher shouting loud, waking me up so to speak like many of the preachers did when I was a child. In the dream he was saying, it is the truth because I heard it from the Lord. So of course I believe everything he says like a child, who am I as a child to argue with God. Then I saw my Papa, and it wasn't the Papa I wanted to remember it was the sick Papa, during his last days, the Papa I really didn't let myself see. Because in my minds eyes he was still strong Papa who could do anything. In the dream my Papa was telling me the same thing, that he had been spoken too and he saw him very real in his heart. Then I saw all these famous people, like presidents, and Princess Di, and Shakespere, and some of my favorite artists. All these people dead. But with each of these people their was an image, and when I say image, I mean something that I learned from each one of these people, whether it be, the abolishment of slavery from Lincoln, or world peace, or humanity from Princess Di, or an image from a play that I loved from Shakespere, then the images in some psychic voice told me they are not dead. That they are still alive. So I started seeing better things for our planet. New plays from Shakespere that were never told. The dream started getting foggy there, it was like everything was becoming clear and fuzzy at the same time. I'll have to think more on this. There definitely is an unseen presence in this dream. One I'm still trying to figure out. I hear a message, but not clearly. Where's Jojolona when I need her, I better send her a copy of this dream and see what she says, or better yet, maybe if I just sit on it, it will become clearer.

Patrick's Six

Patrick's Six Questions, thought I'd join in on the fun.

1. What is your favorite fruit? Favorite vegetable? Favorite type of meat? What food causes your diet the most trouble?

My favorite fruit is apples. My favorite vegetable is cauliflower.... with corn being second. My favorite meat is pork tendorloin. I grew up on a farm, but I did go vegan one year. After a year without a hamburger I just cracked.

2. What food do you think has the most ridiculous-sounding name?

Can't think of one at the moment

3. If you had to pick one of the following to experience, which extreme adventure would you choose:
A) Skydiving
B) Mountain Climbing
C) Scuba Diving
D) Surfing in Hawaii
E) Arctic Hiking in Alaska
F) African Safari
G) White Water Rafting

G, first, cause I can see me doing that, but all the rest also if I had the money.

4. What skill do you most wish you could suddenly acquire in your sleep this evening?

I wish I could suddenly have musical ability, to play any instrument, especially a guitar.

5. How many active prescriptions do you have at the moment. Of those, how many do you take regularly?

I have one more amoxicillan left. Nothing I have a prescription for on a regular basis.

6. You're considering a major change or a big decision awaits you. Are there any special images you ever dream that tend to guide you in one direction or another or that seem to suggest that the option you're considering is the right one?

I constantly dream and yes, sometimes I feel like I know some answers on how I feel after waking up

Forbidden Fruit

I was looking at the picture I posted in one of my entries that beautiful picture of Eve in one of the childrens bible book. So thinking about temptation today, I mean we have all been so close to a temptation that we've lost our persepective. It may have involved something small as a rumor that we knew shouldn't be passed along, but the urge to gossip blocked our sense of love and good judgement. I've also thought of temptations that got me in trouble in the past. I know I thought of Adam and Eve when I did. Because I related to them, because I lost something. When Adam and Eve became so preoccupied with one plant in their garden paradise that they couldn't see the forest for the tree. Just look at what it cost them. The Garden of Eden had been created especially for them. In it they knew no evil, no trials, no sickness, no death. They enjoyed the company of the Creator Himself. Yet they gave up everything they had-just to eat the fruit of that one forbidden tree. Their mistake still plagues us. How often do we miss the whole forest of God's goodness for a single tree, of testing? The moment of temptation seems so overwhelming, the idea so irresistible, our twisted logoic so justifiable. Think about all that Adam and Eve left behind in the Garden. Fill your mind with the truths of His word and rely on the Holy Spirit's moment-by moment guidance and strength. Then you'll experenence the lasting joy of blessings rather than temporary pleasure, that can take away much of the happiness that you may presently hold. Someone told me one time, your response to temptation will make you or break you. I've lost things because of temptation, trust was one of the main things. Something I would never want to lose again. Well it's Monday morning, and what a way to start my day with such deep thoughts. Where is this coming from, I quit smoking Jan 1st, not sure if I mentioned that. I have smoked twice since that day, one night, I felt guilty afterwards and havn't smoked since. I still think that's pretty good since it's April already. The weekend was nice, We went out Friday night with friends, and too a movie on Saturday, Sunday Mike and I had a nice day, he cleaned and we took Abby for a walk to the river. He cooked a wonderful dinner, and we watched our Sunday lineup. Now it's Monday! It's going to be a good day! Hope yours is too!

Saturday, April 2, 2005

One Year Old

Well my journal is one year old today! Just thinking last year at this time, how alone I was feeling.  Much has changed from one year ago.  Just got back from the movies, and just relaxing today, I'll write more later.

Hope everyone's having a great weekend!