Sunday, January 30, 2005

My special place "Winged Victory"

Mike and I went to Memorial Park this evening, so made this little collage of pictures.  It was beautiful but very cold.  It's late, will write more later.  Everyone have a great week.  Sometimes when I'm wondering about things, I play pick up my bible, and just open it up at a page, and then just with my pencil close my eyes and go down, today I did that and it went to James 4:1 "Where do wars and fights come from among you?  Do they not come from your desires and pleasure?  I was like wow, he hit right at the root with his ax with a problem I was feeling yesterday.  Yesterday was really nice.  Just relaxing, but we also had one of our first little arguments.  Sometimes there is a absorption with our own desires- getting our own way and having our own needs met.  When that passion is frustrated, it can quicklly become anger that demeans  others and humiliates us.  Though we may get what we want, we're left feeling unsatisfied.  I get that way sometimes when I don't get my way.  Or if an expectation is not met.  I say be careful Derek.  I know my needs will be met, don't get fearful.  Anyway I liked this quote I read today.  It hit home.  I'm better than I used to when my anger peaks, I say in my mind "time out" and ask for guidance with the one I know always understands me, who cares for us more than we can ever know and understands us better than we understand ourselves.   It was only a short time of anger, we got through it, talked about it, and figured it out.  Funny how this quote from James 4:1 hit so close to home.

"For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness." 

Mike made me this today for our scrapbook, so thought I'd put a copy in here.

Friday, January 28, 2005


My apprehensions come in crowds;

I dread the rustling of the grass;

The very shadows of the clouds

Have power to shake me as they pass:

I question things and do not find

One that will answer to my mind,

And all the world appears unkind.

___William Wordsworth


For most of our lives, fear was our constant companion, it has been mine.  It's almost destroyed me at times.  Hardly an hour passed when fear didn't cause us pain, panic, or even stuck in paralysis.

We expereicnced the world as a forbidding and sometimes terrifying place.  We were afraid to be alone--or with other people.  We were frightened of our surroundings.  Me alone I've feared responsibility, commitment, rejection, inadequacy, and exposure.

Besides being afraid of specific things such as the telephone or meeting someone new, I was afraid of things that weren't even there-possiblilities that could hardly be put in words.

Yesterday was one of those days for me.  Thankfully I'm getting sick and tired of living that way.  I'm not going to be living in fear anymore.  I'll confide in other people to give me support, and solutions.

Little by little I'm going to learn to walk through my fears, not with expectations of pain, but with courage born of faith and a desire to change and be free.  This is going to be a good day.  I'm going to feel what I feel.  With openess and faith I can overthrow that old feeling of fear that creeps up from time to time.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Weekend Assignment #45

Weekend Assignment #45: Karaoke Time

Limber up your windpipes, boys and girls, because this week's Weekend Assignment is getting musical:

Weekend Assignment #45: It's karaoke time. Pick a song to sing and explain why you chose it.  

The song I pick is "Little Sister" by Elvis Presley, the only reason I say this, is it was the song I sang when I was hynotized and they told me I was someone famous and I was actually performing it to the audience.  I wish I could remember this or at least had it on video.  When I left the Comedy Club, people were coming up to me and asking me did they pay me to be part of the act, and people were hollering, "Elvis has left the building".  This song has been my little song since I was a little boy.  It was on the other side of "Jailhouse Rock", on those little 33 records.  The first time my sister got a  microphone, I couldn't quit singing the song, with a little leg action thrown in. 

Extra Credit: Recall the worst karaoke performance you ever heard (or, if you're brave, ever performed). The worst was the night I had too much to drink and decided to try and sing "Desperado"   I think I got bood off stage.  Too bad they didn't have "Little Sister".  I'm good at Elvis songs.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Found this

I found this over at Barb's  journal                                         


I am not: short

I hurt: When I eat too much spaghetti

I love: Jesus

I hate: discrimination

I fear:  Fear

I hope: For the best that can happen

I hear: My little voice, it says yes or no to my questions, sometimes I listen sometimes I don't.

I crave: Peanut butter

I regret: Not taking advantage of my education, and majoring in Art

I cry: Any time I watch a sad movie

I care: About my family and friends 

I always:  Try to think positive

I long to: Be free

I feel alone: Seldom

I listen: Intently

I hide: receipts

I drive: Slow and careful

I dance: When I'm by myself , with Abby, or when I'm out with Mike.

I write: Every day

I breathe: Ummm.... I'd like to say heavy but it aint happening right now.

 I play: Hard

I miss: My Mom, sisters, brother, and niece, and nephews

I feel: Other peoples emotions

I know: Not nearly enough

I say: Whatever

I search: For my keys? For Happiness like it's a missing sock

I succeed: When I apply myself

I fail: When I don't care

I dream: In color

I sleep: Soundly most of the times

I wonder: What my life would be like if I had made different choices

I want:  Ice Cream

I worry: About everything

I have: Awesome friends : )

I give: Not enough

I fight: Intensely if I think I'm right

I wait: For Friday's

I need: Love

I am: A Non-conformist

I think: Way to much

I cant help the fact that: I'm so hairy

I stay: On the computer too much.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Papa and his children and grandchildren

Papa was always so proud of all of us, and was always so happy when we all came for family things, like Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, his, and Mema's birthday's.  He loved us all under the same roof.  And loved us all together on church on Sunday's.  Nice memories.

Friday, January 21, 2005


Labor Day many moons ago, my friend David and a couple other friends had rented a beach house for Memorial Day for a week.  The weekend was wonderful, many friends stopped by the whole weekend, we ate  like kings, I ran on the beach every morning.  The weather was perfect.  We actually had rented it for like 8 days, and had decided to have a party on the last Saturday that we were staying there.  It was quite a gatering, lots of people, lots of food, and lots of drink.  I'm a light weight, and rarely drink liquor drinks, but for some reason that night I did.  Guess I was feeling festive.  Well the drinks, mixed with a 15 minute dip in the jacuzzi, everyone decided they were going to walk  down to the beach.  There was about a 20 foot boardwalk down to the beach from the beach house, and me always craving attention jumped up on the rails, I was boasting of my wonderful balance skills, jumping in the air and landing perfectly on the rail.  Skipping, then right as I almost was at the end of the 20 foot rail almost ready for my dismount, it happened right after i said look everybody I'm Nadia Comaneci, one leg got tangeled on the other and down I came on the rails.  With a much higher voice I said "I'm o.k."  I really wasn't.  The rest of the night I spent with a bag of ice between my legs.  I scraped up my legs pretty bad too, and when I fell off afterwards, I hit my head on the trash can.  Mostly my pride was hurt, I wasn't so crazy about a lot of attention anymore after that day either.  I'm no Nadia!  Not even close, alcohol can make you think crazy things.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Scary Dream

Last night I dreamed I was trying to take pictures of my mom.  She kept making all these perfect poses, that I just knew would turn out as pieces of art.  But every time I would put my eye to the camera, I would lose focus.   I kept trying to find her in my lens, but she kept moving or the camera would not focus right.  Then all of a sudden I had her in my eyepiece and right before I could click to capture the perfect picture, poof she was gone, and I mean just disappeared.  I started crying, and I mean crying.  Then I woke up, and I was still crying.  Guess I was thinking about time and how fast it is going now.  Guess I was thinking she won't always be there for me to take her picture.  Guess you know what I was thinking by that dream.  It was just a dream.  I don't really want to think about that day.  I just want to be happy the time I do have her, I wish I could spend more time with her.  She's a great lady!  Yep I'm missing you Ma!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Erasmus Augustus Ennis and Emma Middleton Haygood Ennis family

I wrote about my great great grandparents on my mom's side.  This is my great geat grandparents on my dad's side.  People sure did have lots of children back in those days.  The beautiful lady in the far right with the white shirt is my great grandmother.  She was quite a woman I've written about her in some of my journal entries.  She had quite an interesting family.  Their last name is also my middle name.  I'm enjoying sharing these old photograph's I have.  Not sure why, maybe I'm hoping some long lost couisin will do a internet search and find me.  I think my great great grandmother looks pretty good after having 15 children. 

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Henry S.C. Harper and Sallie Vickers

Henry S.C. "Big Mouth" HARPER was born on 16 Sep 1849 in Coffee Co., GA. Died on 5 Apr 1920. Buried in Lax Church Cem., Coffee Co., GA. 

He married Sarah "Sallie" VICKERS on 27 Mar 1873 in Irwin Co., GA. Sarah "Sallie" VICKERS was born on 13 Aug 1856. Died on 10 May 1941. Buried in Lax Church Cem., Coffee Co., GA.

They had the following children:

i. Nancy Elizabeth HARPER

ii. Charles HARPER was born on 8 Feb 1875. Died on 8 Feb 1875. Buried in Lax Church Cem., Irwin Co., GA.

iii. Arthur HARPER, my great grandfather

iv. Needham W. HARPER

v. Samuel HARPER was born on 19 Jul 1880. Died on 1 Oct 1881. Buried in Lax Church Cem., Irwin Co., GA.

vi. Wiley Y. HARPER

vii. Rebecca "Becky" HARPER

viii. Youngy HARPER

ix. Jacob H. HARPER

x. Thomas A. HARPER

xi. Mary Ellen HARPER

xii. Elbert L. HARPER

xiiii. Pearlie J. HARPER

xiv. Herbert HARPER was born on 4 Jul 1899. Died on 19 Jan 1900. Buried in Lax Church Cem., Irwin Co., GA.

That's a lot of children.  I would love to visit and see how they lived.  They called him Big Mouth Harper, he did have a big mouth, wonder if he talked a lot?

Another picture of the old Harper plantation taken in the 1890's.

Here's another picture of my great great grandfather's family.  Funny how I was writing about Family and home, and church.  Wonder what they would have wrote.  The lady in the far right holding the baby was my great great grandmother Sallie Vickers.  My Pepa's grandma.  She lived to the ripe old age of 105.  I remember my Pepa telling me she had her own special rocker that she had at the church, and once when he was in his younger years, he went off drinking or something, got into trouble, he didn't say what kind, but they wouldn't let him go to church.  Well his grandma Sallie wouldn't go for that, so she got her rocker and left the church.  The church did forgive my Pepa, because they had the rocker back in the church within the week.  My Pepa loved his grandma, he always talked about her with love.  Must have been a hard life back then.


Sometimes in life, things happen too fast.  We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface.   Well I was feeling great this morning.  New Beginnings.  I always love the new year.  With this year.  I'm getting ready for the Gate River Run again.  I was up at 5:30 running on the beach in 30 degree weather.  All bundled up, tshirt, shirt, sweater, jacket, and shorts, lol, it is Florida.  I had a wonderful run in the dark and did some thinking.  I was just grateful for my starting process of the day, it was beautiful watching a new day come.  How often do we feel great in the morning and submerged in misery by nightfall?  Well the sunrise gave me new vigor.  I still feel good in my heart.  Although my body is achy.  I'm back in the gym, worked out hard last night, and have another workout day tomorrow.  I like having something to look forward too.  Only three more months till the run.  Plus I feel so much better.  Healthy body, hopefully healthy mind.  It was a good day!  Now I'm over at Mike's he's playing Xbox, we had a nice dinner.  It's cold outside but the heat's working good.  

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Your Winter

I was asked to put the lyrics to the song from "Your Winter" in my journal.  Here you go!


Artist: Sister Hazel
Album: Fortress
Title: Your Winter

The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
In your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view

What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.
I said I'm sorry , but for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you
Why do you chew your pain?
If you only know how much I love you, love you

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here

The old picture on the shelf
Well it's been there for a while
A frozen image of ourselves
We are acting like a child
Innocent and in a trance
A dance that lasted for a while

You read my eyes just like your diary,
oh remember, please remember
Well, I'm not a beggar, but what's more
If I hurt you, then I hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
Why do you chew your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
I will be here


Mike and I went to Church Christ of Peace today with our friends Mike and James.  The sermon was about Christ being the head of church, and us being the body.  He quoted Ephesians 1:22-23 and 1 Timothy 3:15.  He talked about what the church was, not just the physical of it, the walls but the church being the people that supported it.  It was a nice service.  I felt very comfortable.  Made me think of home, I mean what is Home to me.  It's like a church it has the shelter that keeps out the rain.  The carpet on the floor that keeps out the cold.  But it's so much more than that to me.  It's where what is right, good, and kind.  Home has changed a lot for me over the years.  This is the home I grew up in.  It hold many fond memories.  It's where my sister Sherry lives now.  New memories are being made in it every day.  I look at this picture and I think of the laughter and the tears.  It was where happiness was shared and our sadness eased.  Money didn't seem so important back then.  Loving kindness was more important.  It is natural for me to look back and recall many wonderful memories.  I think about all I've encountered in the past, the people whom I shared days, months, and even years of joy but no longer see.  Where are they?  What are they doing, thinking, Why could I not keep them in my life?  I still feel like I'm searching for home.  I know I can always go back to this place with welcome arms.  But I'm still searching for my own home.  I'm also still searching for so much!  I'm happy for what I have found.  Keep blessing me Lord!  Hope everyone is happy in their homes. 

Friday, January 14, 2005

WEEKEND ASSIGNMENT #43, My flag for the State of Derekville

Weekend Assignment #43: Congratulations, you've become your own soverign state! Design a flag for the United States of You, using no more than three colors and one symbol (the symbol can be of any color). Explain your design choices.

State of Derekville

Sorry I used more than one color, guess I got carried away.  and I used more than one symbol too.  But the main symbol is the cross, which stands for Hope, and represents Christ, and his sacrafice He made for us and the red in the cross is my love for HIM.  The yellow stars are value stars, they represent people who have touched my life in special ways, and the red star stands for one I value and love.  The purple people at the bottom stand for friendship, my earthly friends all together holding hands, my circle of friends so to speak.  Purple is my favorite color so had to put some purple in it.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Weekend Assignment #42

Weekend Assignment #42: Share your favorite story of Winter cold -- preferably (but not necessarily) involving something freezing inconveniently and humorously.


Well as I've probably told everyone I grew up in the South, and the most snow I've ever seen is maybe a half inch of snow.  But years ago I went to Europe in Febuary.  Austria, Switzerland, Germany, and Italy.  Switzerland was the coldest.  I'd never seen snow like this in my entire life, I loved it at first and did all the fun things like bobsled, play in the snow.  This picture was of me in St. Moritz, Switzerland, definately the coldest place I've ever been.  When I was in Italy it was so cold, and I had forgot my muffs and anything to go over my head.  It was during Carnival, so I found one of the biggest afro's I could find, it fit over my ears and kept me warm.  By nighttime when we got back to Austria.  I took off the Afro, and it was actually frozen from the boat ride I had taken.


Extra Credit, song that reminds me of Winter


"Your Winter", by Sister Hazel

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Baby Collage

Thought I'd try and make a little baby collage of my family.   Here we all are when we were babies.

Monday, January 10, 2005

I'm O.K. Your O.K.

When I was in the 4th-6th grade, I belonged to a group of eight kids. We were called the T.A. Kids, which stood for Transactional analysis. I think back on things that made a real impact on me or changed my life forever. A wonderful man named Dr. James (Jim) Cleary headed it up, from what I remember they tested our entire class in the fourth grade and me and 7 others scored the highest on the test. We were then brought into a classroom, and for three years. I felt special, and appreciated like I can't explain. He brought out in each one of us our talents, the things that made us US. We the eight of us, along with Dr. Cleary went on wonderful trips of imgaination and real learning. My specialties were Art, and History. With Drama and Creative Writing thrown in. I grew up in a very small farm town in South Georgia, so imagine my eyes when we would go to Atlanta in the camper to the High Musuem, or to a Shakespere play. We took many trips. I remember going to "Andersonville", one of my favorite trips. He had us each with special people when we would go. I got to read from an old journal of prisoner of war at Andersonville. I remember a rocket scientist even coming to speak with us. But I remember he was way over my head. Those three years were magical to me. I wish it had lasted. The eight of us were very tight. Best of friends from 4-6th grade. Then the 7th grade came, and Dr. Cleary stayed at our old school. And we were left to ourselves to start the 7th grade. Many changes that year. I didn't feel as special. The eight of us were still close but not like we had been. We were all growing apart in different ways. Not sure why I'm thinking about this today. But guess it's on my mind. The T.A. Kids also had a newspaper we would publish for the entire school each week. I was in charge of the art, and music sections. Usually I would make some cartoon illustration. I wish I had a copy of just one of our old papers. We would each also have to write an article about something going on in the world. One of my favorite comics back then was Charles Schulz, "Peanuts". Marcie was always my favorite, I think I identified with her the most. I remember the old cartoon where Marcie gives her teacher some flowers. Not to be outdone, Peppermint Patty says to the teacher. "I thought about doing the same thing Ma'am but I never got around to it. Could you use a vase of good intentions?"

Maybe this is one thing I’m thinking of, Dr. Cleary is gone now, I got cancer and died when we were all in high school. I never really got a chance to tell him how much he changed my life or thank him. We've all had intentions of doing something good but then failed to follow through. We may want to make a phone call to check up on a friend, or visit a sick neighbor, or write a note of encouragement to a loved one. But we don't take the time. I used to visit Dr. Cleary every once and a while. He was still my confidant, and I could tell him anything. But I never said thanks, not that I can remember. But anyway thanks Dr. Cleary, thanks for changing my life and opening my world up to a new way of thinking, one that told me I'm ok and you are too! One where warm fuzzies were welcome and cold pricklies were sent packing.

"Good intentions are no good until they are put into action."

Sunday, January 9, 2005

Dena, Andy, and Ethan

Here's a picture of my other sister Dena with her husband Andy, and little one Ethan.  I love this picture as they stare into each other's eyes, as they have their little one bundled in their arms.  This is one of my new favorite pictures of Dena and Andy.

Mark and Sherry

Thought I'd put a picture of Sherry and Mark in here.  This was shortly after she got her engagement ring.  The tears had subsided some and all was happy.  Mark gave Autumn the ring to give to Sherry, and in walked Autumn, an in her little four year old big girl voice she looked at Sherry, threw her the ring and said, "Here's your ring"!  Sherry opened the box, and her tears hit, and she ran to the back.  I don't even think everyone in the room even knew what was going on.  I ran to the back, and she showed it too me.  It's beautiful.  Wish I had taken a close up of it.  Congradulations Sherry and Mark.

My little sister is getting married

Was sitting here looking at an old picture of Sherry and I.  I am so happy for my little sister.  She's getting married in May.  I know it's going to be a beautiful wedding.   This picture is of us in our little night clothes.  I always loved my night robes.  This one was my favorite one.  This is also one of my favorite pictures of us when we were little.  I hope many blessing for her and Mark.  Wonder how long before we have another little niece or nephew? 

Friday, January 7, 2005

Nana and the Truck Stop

Autumn, Eli, and Ethan have a Nana, their Nana is my mama.  Her mom was my Nana.  Was sitting here thinking about her beautiful red hair, piled high on her head.  Nana ran a restaurant at the Truck Stop.  I remember visiting her there when I was little, I loved all the ladies that worked with her, especially Sally, she would always cook me up a special hamburger cooked just the way like and put on white bread with a little mayo.  Sally was larger than life and had an infectious laugh and a huge smile.    I also remember Nana putting me on this little table by the cash register.  I was her little helper, and everyone would always grab me and give me a hug when they left the restaurant. 

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

Happy New Year

As you may have noticed I've been looking in two directions a lot, the past, and the future. There is a prayer that goes "Father we surrender this past year and give it up to You. We give You our failures, our regrets, and our disappointments, for we have no more use for them. Make us new people, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on towards that which lies ahead of us. We give You all our hopes and dreams for the future. Purify them by Your Spirit so that our wills shall truly reflect Your will for us." I love this prayer. This is my prayer for the new year. Here we are another year. 2005! I want to be encourages by my successes of the past, and be guided by what I know is out there in spirit. I guess its good to look both ways. Past and future. I know I am never alone. The victories of the past give courage for the future. I know this is going to be a great year!  Happy New Year to all!