My apprehensions come in crowds;
I dread the rustling of the grass;
The very shadows of the clouds
Have power to shake me as they pass:
I question things and do not find
One that will answer to my mind,
And all the world appears unkind.
For most of our lives, fear was our constant companion, it has been mine. It's almost destroyed me at times. Hardly an hour passed when fear didn't cause us pain, panic, or even stuck in paralysis.
We expereicnced the world as a forbidding and sometimes terrifying place. We were afraid to be alone--or with other people. We were frightened of our surroundings. Me alone I've feared responsibility, commitment, rejection, inadequacy, and exposure.
Besides being afraid of specific things such as the telephone or meeting someone new, I was afraid of things that weren't even there-possiblilities that could hardly be put in words.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. Thankfully I'm getting sick and tired of living that way. I'm not going to be living in fear anymore. I'll confide in other people to give me support, and solutions.
Little by little I'm going to learn to walk through my fears, not with expectations of pain, but with courage born of faith and a desire to change and be free. This is going to be a good day. I'm going to feel what I feel. With openess and faith I can overthrow that old feeling of fear that creeps up from time to time.