Friday, January 28, 2005


My apprehensions come in crowds;

I dread the rustling of the grass;

The very shadows of the clouds

Have power to shake me as they pass:

I question things and do not find

One that will answer to my mind,

And all the world appears unkind.

___William Wordsworth


For most of our lives, fear was our constant companion, it has been mine.  It's almost destroyed me at times.  Hardly an hour passed when fear didn't cause us pain, panic, or even stuck in paralysis.

We expereicnced the world as a forbidding and sometimes terrifying place.  We were afraid to be alone--or with other people.  We were frightened of our surroundings.  Me alone I've feared responsibility, commitment, rejection, inadequacy, and exposure.

Besides being afraid of specific things such as the telephone or meeting someone new, I was afraid of things that weren't even there-possiblilities that could hardly be put in words.

Yesterday was one of those days for me.  Thankfully I'm getting sick and tired of living that way.  I'm not going to be living in fear anymore.  I'll confide in other people to give me support, and solutions.

Little by little I'm going to learn to walk through my fears, not with expectations of pain, but with courage born of faith and a desire to change and be free.  This is going to be a good day.  I'm going to feel what I feel.  With openess and faith I can overthrow that old feeling of fear that creeps up from time to time.


kgreenb101 said...

Awesome entry!! I applaud your efforts to remove fear from your daily living..With all the people dying in Iraq and all of the numerous amounts of people who died in the tsunami disasters, we deserve to be happy and not afraid while we are alive!-Keith

musenla said...

I think it's important to acknowledge fear when we feel it.  It's a normal emotion, like happiness or sadness or anger.  It should hold no power over us, it's just another emotion.  Once you acknowledge that, it's easier to come to terms with the emotion, do something about what causes the fear and move on.  =P

aiibrat said...

i'm glad i'm not the only one that feels that way.  i had an epiphany in my car that ran along the same lines you are talking about.  

deabvt said...

Good for you and hang in there!

judithheartsong said...

powerful entry. You are an amazing person. judi

barbpinion said...

Derek, I love this entry. William Wordsworth is one of my favorite's too. I am sorry you had a rough bout with fear. I used to be the most fearful person on the planet. Or at least I felt that way. What helped me was reminding myself that we believe what we tell ourselves. The thoughts we think, dear one, influence how we will feel and act. If we feel our minds with fearful thoughts we cannot help but become a fearful person. But filling them with uplifting, beautiful, inspirations, loving, motivating, postive thoughts does the opposite. Words are powerful. We have to be careful what we take into our head, for what enters our heads, soon drifts into our hearts and spills out into our lives. Each morning I say to myself, A new day means a new way. You are such a dear.  I will keep you in prayer. I'm going to ask God to help you overcome fear...then thank HIM every day, for doing it. When we ask something that is in accordance with His will, it's a done deal.
BIG HUGS.  *Barb*