Thursday, September 29, 2005


I'm thinking I've written before about my imaginary friends when I was younger.  Poppy was my invisible friend I created when I was around 3-4 years old.  I had many friends I created, and from my mom's accounts spent many hours with them.  What an active imagination I had, guess I still do.  The church we go to is a small church, it has grown in number since we first started, but is still quite small in number but I feel we do radiate joy as we sing.  And our pastor Linda tells her sermons with enthusiasm.  When I first started going I felt really good about the church, but couldn't quite shake the feeling of sympathy for the amount of people that was there.  But each week I see new faces and hear diffrent testimonies and find out how wrong my first thought was.  Then I heard these words from the hymnal. "Therefore with angels and archangels and all the company of heaven, we worship and adore Thy glorius name."   Doesn't that just change everything.  Here I was in this small church with angels and archangels and the company of heaven.  A lot more than I originally thought.  What wonderful company I was with and didn't even realize.  Makes me think about when I first came to Christ in faith, I think we join an invisible host of companions, many angels.  Maybe those imaginary friends were angels I was really playing with, who knows.  Don't you love thinking of angels in our presence.  I do.

Good spirits

I have awoken in good spirits today, no back pain at all.  Which is a blessing in itself to me.  I'd write more but got to head to work.  I may write at work some today if I have time.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

wednesday thoughts

Seems I havn't written as much lately.  Not sure why, just resting up I guess.  We had such a wonderful weekend with my family.  I was on the phone with my mom while I was home, the day of her birthday, she had the music blarring and it was very upbeat. She said she had the television turned off  because she was tired of all the sadness of everything on the news.  Not a day seems to pass without a reminder that our earthly lives can end at any moment.  All we have to do is read the obituary column.  One message comes through loud and clear.  We're here today, but we may be gone tomorrow!  What is my life?  Is it even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away?  Is our only certainty, then, the sobering prospect that at any moment we may be thrust into eternty.  I don't think so.  I have a diffrent anchor in my soul.  I've said it before that nothing seems for certain. But there is one thing for certain.  My faith is for certain.  I have another photoshoot on Saturday.  I also got a promotion at work.  Well I'm beat folks, hope you have a great week.

Monday, September 26, 2005

I was cleaning house

I got tagged.

Hmmmm.....are ya'll picking on me or what? I got tagged a dozen times for this one so here it is!



1.) Go into your archive.

2.) Find the 23rd post.

3.) Find the 5th sentence of that post.

4.) Post text of sentence with these instructions.

5.) Tag 5 other people to do the same.


I was cleaning house!  Here was my 5th sentence of my 23rd post.

" There's one thing that's been constant about all my journals if I take a look at them, I'm always cleaning up to make myself feel good, nothing like a clean house. "

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Mom's surprise 60th birthday party

Well, we are back home.  Mom's birthday was yesterday.  I was busy working on her powerpoint presentation last week, so didn't really post much, or have time to read any journals, hope to catch up some this week.  The weekend was fun, Mike and I drove down Friday night, I worked on finishing it up most that night and Saturday morning, and we did a lot of running around.  We had a nice turnout.  Lots of wonderful food, and a few surprises.   We got two of mom's friends to come, that she had no idea of.     The presentation went well, and I know she really enjoyed it.   Dena wrote a song for her, and the four of us sang it to her.  If anyone has powerpoint, I'll be happy to email it to them.  Well just glad to be home. 

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


Yesterday after work, I felt somthing hard in my pocket, I thought what have I put in here, when I pulled it out all I could do is laugh, it was Autumn's sunglasses, so I had to put them on and act silly, only Mike grabbed the camera and got me.  Little Autumn broke her wrist this past weekend, so I'll bring her pink sunglasses so she will have them to match her hotpink cast on her arm.  We're heading home this weekend for ma's birthday.  She's going to be the big 6-0.  :) 

Oh and yep you guessed right I'm the pirate on the bottom first row, second from right.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

John's Monday Photo assignment: Pirate

Yes folk, I was once a pirate, way back in my younger years, I was 8 years old can you pick me out,  Notice we have kidnapped TigerLilly, and were on board the Jolly Roger.  "Never smile at a Crocidille!"

This was my second grade play "Peter Pan"  I was a pirate.  We did three shows in a week.  My nana made me my pirate shirt.  One night I got so nervous that I had a terrible nose bleed.  But I survived, oh no I didn't I think I got thrown overboard.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Nice Saturday

Well the photo shoot went well.  I hope they are pleased.  I spent about an hour and a half shooting, and I really enjoyed it, I've got a little over 100 shots, that I'll be editing later.   I really enjoyed it, and I think my subjects did as well.  Only posting one right now, but may post more over at my Picture of the Day journal.  Mike and I cleaned house and have had a good day making up.  It feels so good to have a clean house. We went shopping, and he's making me some traditional German dish tonight.

Off to photo shoot

It's Saturday morning, and I'm off to a photoshoot, hope it goes well.  We'll see.  Hope I get a few great shots.  Be back in a couple of hours.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Anger in my sleep

Love suffers long and is kind.  1 Corinthians 13:4   I opened Mike's bible this morning, after reading an email from him.  And this is the scripture I found, open, close my eyes, then point, my best way to find the answers.  So I am using this verse to help me cope with frustrations I find myself in.  Maybe I should use this anytime anger wells up within me.  Lately I've been showing anger in my sleep of all places, yesterday was hard for me, I was in a lot of back pain.  I went to bed, and although I was very groggy, I remember the words, move over or turn over.  Which I couldn't, my back was hurting.  So in my sleep, I let the anger out, the anger of being woke up, the anger of being in pain.  I honestly don't remember what I said back, I think I said why don't you turn over, and he said please, and I said "No".  So I do remember this scenerio some.  After that he got up and went to the couch after writing me an email of how mean I was, and that he still loves me.  We're at that over a year stage, and I guess things are not as easy as in the beginning.  I'm not writing poetry to him all the time, and maybe not writing about him in my blog as much but he's still very much a part of my everyday life.  So all I can say Mike is yes, I was angry in my sleep, and I said some things in harsh tones.  So I ask you to think of this verse that I opened up too and think about it.  I'm also very sorry for anything I said in my groggy angry state.  I think all day long, wish I could think when I am sleeping, I think it's the only time I give my head a rest.  Fill our hearts with goodness and kindness, and care towards each other.  Again I'm sorry, next time just pinch me, but not too hard.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Bad Dream

Last night I awoke from a bad dream about 2:30, I dreamed that someone was hurt by a rock, I'm not sure who did it,I'm not sure if they were dead or just hurt, but just that they were hurt.  I don't even know who it was, anyway, I'm at my Papa's, and out the door walks my Papa, at first I'm so happy to see him, because it's been so long since I've seen him, and I loved him so much.  But he walks up to me and has this look that I never saw on his face when he came to me, it was of dissappointment.  Then he holds up the rock.   I woke up very upset, because disappointment from my Papa would be the biggest hurt I can imagine, so I'm trying to figure out where it came from.   I corrected my last entry, it sounded like I was saying I hated Pat Robertson, and of course I got some emails saying my two entries conflicted, so I corrected it again.  I was actually quoting Russ from the entry he had put in my journal to tell me it was a hoax.  Back to the dream.  I even found myself in some pain today, my upper left side of my back, sharp stabbing pain.  I woke up and tried to figure it out, but no luck, so I've given up maybe I'll figure it out later.  Maybe he was saying to me in my dream, no sticks or stones.  I don't know.  I kept thinking did I do something bad?  Did I sin.  If Papa was holding up the stone, I must have done something wrong.   Forgive me of my sins!  I can' think of just one thing.  But if there is something, I sure am sorry.  I hope I dream of Papa tonight and he's smiling.  I don't like being left with my last memory of my Papa being disappointed.  I sure miss him, and I remember his last words to me before he died.  I had come home to spend time with him when he was really sick, he had prostrate cancer.  I walked in the door, and my Mema started fussing at me that I hadn't been home in a while.  My papa hadn't talked much that week, and she started telling me that I really upset my Papa that I hadn't been home.  He looked at her and said, don't tell him that, I'm not upset at him, I love him, I remember the day that he was born, I've loved him from that day, and I love him right now.  Then he said I'm not upset at you, I love you. That was the last thing he said to me where he knew who I was the rest of the weekend.  I fed him and sat with him and sang to him, and heldhis hand, and told him how much I loved him.  I didn't really feel like he knew it was me though.  Maybe he did.  I've felt guilty that I didn't spend more time with him towards the end.  I think I fooled myself, I knew he was sick, but I wouldn't let myself really see it. I love you Papa, and even if I don't dream of your smile tonight I will think of that look you gave me the last time you told me you loved me.

It wasn't true

Russ gave me this info on Pat Robertson, looks like he didn't say any of that stuff, it was just Hollywood hype.  Sorry I didn't research this more before reacting, glad I didn't go off on him.  :)


"It's not true.  I hate Pat Robertson more than almost everybody, but this is a hoax.  People believe it because he has said so much crazy shit in the past."  quote from Russ.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Photographer, who me?


Well as everyone knows out there I love photography, and everyone lately has been asking for a photoshoot.  My friend Denise loved hers and showed them to everyone, so everyone has been coming to me wanting their picture or their children or presents for the boyfriend or husband.  So looks like I'm getting some business.  They are paying too, not a lot yet, I'm still trying to get something together, a photography business.  Photos by Derek.  Keep me in your thoughts, maybe this will be the something I'm looking for.  At least it's something I love.  Other than this, not much going on, Mike's busy working on a project, and I am just sort of ready for bed, wanting to be inspired to write something, but just can't seem to get it out of me, do ya'll get that way much?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Didn't want to hold it in

I read this over at Chris's Journal You all have to read this crazy proclamation by Pat Robertson that Ellen Degeneres is the cause of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans:

Ellen Degeneres causes Katrina       It's sad to me, I don't usually write about this stuff or my feelings on it.  I try not to write from reaction.  I didn't watch it personally, so i didn't see it.  I won't say anything about him personally, I'll just let the public figure out this on their own.  I will say tell me what you hate and I can tell you a great deal about yourself.   Writer Olive Moore wrote "Be careful withe hatred...Hatred is a passion requiring one hundred times the energy of love.  Keep it for a cause, not an individual.  Keep it for injustice, intolerance, hatred is the strength of the sensitive.  It's power and greatness depend on the selflessness of its use."  How sad that he wastes his time on  hatred of a wonderful human being that has not done anything to hurt him or anyone.  So am I angry at Pat Robertson that he would make such comments myself.  Why stoop to his level.  I will leave it to God to judge me, or Ellen, or Pat Robertson for that matter.  My personal feeling is how sad that one of America's religious leaders has this misdirected hatred, when hatred is directed at one person or people and not at the forces around us that destroy life and hope then there is a problem.  Learn from the past Pat.  Hopefully others feel the same way.  I ask for us to handle hatred with the utmost care.      Matthew 5:44 "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you." 
This is what I say back to Pat Robertson.  So I guess I love you Pat, God bless you Pat.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Games Children Play

Journal Jar question #2

What games did you play in your house or neighborhood?

Numer one was always hide and seek, this was always my favorite inside and outside, we loved it as kids, we love it as adults.  I enjoy it even more now, I can't believe I havn't taken pictures of them closing their eyes and counting as the other's hide.  We also played frisbee a lot, and played basketball in our neighbor's yard.  I also loved this game called "Ultimate Frisbee",  all the kids were usually at our house or yard growing up.  We were always playing something.  Funny how I can remember some things so vividly, but at the moment, I can't see it so clearly.  We did have fun though.

It's a family thing

Wonder how many family blogs we have out here in J-land, I know we have Mosie and her children on here.  Got my brother into it today.  So now we are at four from my family in J-land this is pretty awesome.  Check out my brother's blog, he just started today at

Now if we can just get my sister Dena's internet hooked up we could have us all on here, that would be too cool.  I really like it especially since I am in Florida and they are all in Georgia it helps me feel closer to them.



Sister Sherry


Monday photo shoot Feet or Cat

John's Monday photo shoot.

Your Monday Photo Shoot: Take a picture of your feet or a picture of your cat. Naturally, if you can get a picture of your feet and your cat, so much the better.


Here are my big feet,  I would have got a pedicure if I'd known I was going to have to take a picture of them today, or at least put a gloss on them.  I took off all warts and stuff with my editing tool, just kidding, I was going to paint them with my editing tool, but I'm sleepy.  No cat in the household, I'm allergic.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Tunnels, Tunnels

Today the sermon was "Tunnels, Tunnels", Linda and Susan went on a wonderful vacation and while in Portland went through as the engineer said "they will be going through 23 tunnels.  Linda said she didn't like tunnels.  It was a wonderful sermon that spoke to my heart. I know we all can feel like we are there at times in our lives, as she stated some of them:  losing a job, relationship problems, death, diagnosis of something that you know will take you in a tunnel.   I've been there and wondered why am I feeling like this?  Like I am in a tunnel and can't find my way out of the darkness.  The darkness overcomes me. But why does it take
me so long to see the exit is so close to me. Sometimes I feel like I put the blindfold over my eyes, it's just so confusing and I can't get rid of it. But all we have to do is rip it off, know the feeling of the tunnel, but always knowing there is light on the other side. Sometimes everything is so dark in that tunnel. When I'm there I always seem to hear a voice from somewhere or nowhere.  Just keep on going, reach forward, you may not see it yet but you will, keep going.  Give me your hand, take a step forward..." -"Trust me, I will show you the way."
That's it! That's what I should do.
I can feel it now.
I trust you, I believe in you.
I can see the light.
  I can make things happen for myself, I've just got to keep moving forward. I kept feeling this all day, as we went to the Riverside art festival after church and lunch.  I was like I could have a tent out here.    I can do this.  So I'm setting a goal, I'm looking to the light in the tunnel.  I want to get there.

Here's a picture I took of Mike as we were leaving the arts festival up in a tree.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Experience "Crash"

Last week Sherry recommended a movie to me.  I knew I would probably like it, cause she usually knows the kind of movies that touch me.  This one blew me away!

Everyday we are faced with reactions.  How we interpret a situation colours our perceptions of daily life     This movie touched me on so many levels.  This movie is of stereotypes, and racial prejudice.  Also on Karma. "KARMA" which I find is so much a part of our lives. We just don't like to say it's God because that's considered in society to be too radical, too extreme, too instead we call what God does "karma". Calling it karma and avoiding mention of God gives it a new modern edge and leaves us in our "not offending anyone" comfort zone. Nowadays karma is trendy and cool. If you do good or love people good karma will be given to you...bad karma well you know. Karma is all of our lives intersecting to create situations that bring us further to spiritual enlightenment or deeper into darkness depending on what path we choose. I do believe karma is of God, a part of the whole.

This movie inspired me and I felt myself participating in the feelings and emotions of the characters. 

God knows exactly when lives will cross and intersect and that's why when a person did good he was rewarded or felt good. When the person was doing bad they got it back around again. When they were just lost or confused they got a second chance.
 It's about looking beyond the physical and down into the created human soul. It's about recognizing that we are all the same in our struggles and that the more we connect to help each other and LOVE ONE ANOTHER.  In the same vein, the more we detach and think only of oneself the more we will lead our lives down a self destructive path.

After seeing the movie, I thought about our lives always intertwine with many different people but we never look at each interaction as being significant. This movie clearly points out a plan in action and how He feels sitting up there watching everything connect. We are so tunnel vision these days that we forget just how dependent we are on so many different people for situations to arise as lessons to help guide our path."

It is a thought-provoking look at racial stereotypes in america as well.  I think about how we are born, and raised.   We aren't born with this hatred or ill will towards other races, it is instilled in us.   As you know I grew up in the South, not L.A.  but oh the stereotypes I know so well.  Get this movie folks, not a movie for the kiddies, but very thought provoking for sure.

I found myself so pulled into the movie on two occurrances that just took my breathaway, one is from the picture at the top, the other is with Matt Damon and Thandie Newton after a CRASH.

Friday, September 9, 2005

My friend Denise

I took some pictures of my friend Denise yesterday after work.   I took like 40 shots of her, she was very pleased.  These were her favorites so I made her a little collage of them.  She decided to try out internet dating.  I told her if she landed a rich husband she better not forget me. 

Thursday, September 8, 2005

My Rock

I got an email about my Rock Eagle entry, that I was worshipping another God by being a part of that culture.  Strangly enough, I don't feel compelled to respond with an email to them.  But the Lord is my Rock, and was my rock the day I kneeled there in prayer.  I did feel it was a place of sanctuary, and I didn't stand on the rocks, but stayed toward the bottom of the mound.  I thought of those who brought each stone and the God they prayed too, for all I know is the same God I pray too.  It turns out that we humans reason largely by our hearts and not by our heads.  Here in J-land, I find poets, artists, singers, storytelleres,writers, and more.  I think they all know what it means to use symbols and metophors that speak our hearts rather than our minds.  That like for me the term "a picture is worth a thousand words" is one of my favorite quotes.  I think this great bird was a symbol for them.  It may stay a mystery.  But they lived and they loved, and I felt great love standing and kneeling in front of these quartz stones in Eatonton, Georgia.  Looking at it in my mind I see the physical that conveys something so spiritual.  Just like with my photograph's or drawings I want to express a deeper thought.  I think Judi does that with her art.  It links the visible world to the invisible  realm of the Spirit, at least it does that for me.  Each of her paintings is left hanging in my mind-an image that evokes mystery, arouses my imagination, and deepens my understanding.  This is what truly makes her a true artist in my book. 

Art from Judith Heartsong

Now that I look at this I realize this was reactionary entry.  But oh well.  I feel better now.

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

End of Summer Poem for "Poetry Dance"

Poetrydancechallenge  http://


 by Derek  

Must you leave us so quickly?

Like the reality of a dream you filled  

Endless days splashing in the beach

Like sunrise to sunset

Just as permanently and just as quickly

As you came, you leave

And we? We are left with the dream of the reality of Autumn.

Rock Eagle


The name Rebecca took me on a whirlwind of memories today.  It triggered my memory to my magic place of childhood, a place where somehow it was always there but just stuffed away in that messy file cabinet in my head.  I dreamed of a girl from my childhood that I met at 4-H camp when I was in the 5th grade.   I shared some of my stories with Rebecca at today of chasing butterflies and other things, it seems this memory of this little girl has flooded my memory, I think I was hoping I had found a long lost friend of childhood, but instead this Jlander has help me visit a wonderful magical time.  These memories flooding back are of my childhood.  I'll have to visit my old first diary and find what I wrote about this magical place called Rock Eagle.  I still remember my first visit to these ancient Indian mounds.  I had just got through eating my peanut butter sandwich my mom had packed for me for a snack when we pulled up.  There was this great mound of rocks.  I had to get a better view and climbed the tower.  When I reached the top I gazed down on this beautiful bird.  My mind became full of stories. I saw many stories of each rock and the story of each rock and the hands that placed them there.  We didn't get to stay anywhere as long as I wanted.  I felt I was in a place that I felt closer to God.  It felt good for me.  But we had to get on the bus and head to camp.  Which was only a short distance from this site.   I was only going to be there for a week, but I promised myself I was going to come take a visit by myself alone, I wanted to be alone there.  I was only eleven the first time I went there.  The rules were you don't leave camp or your cabin after lights out.  I was always a by the rules kind of kid, but I felt it calling me.  The cabin of boys I stayed with were all ages, from 11-16.  Some of the older boys were sneaking out after our counselors went to sleep to meet girls.  I was too young for that, but the window was open, and I still felt it calling me.  So I took off on my walk.  I'm still not sure how far it was but for aneleven year old it was quite a hike with no light, except the moon.  I'm thinking it was at least a mile.  The moon was full and I made it there.  There was a fence, but I was small and fit between it.  I was there alone in the moonlight with Rock Eagle.  I found myself praying there. I closed my eyes and felt a presence there.  I felt many there, but saw nothing but those beautiful white quartz stones shining in the moonlight.  I don't know how long I stayed.  The wingspan of this great bird is 130 feet wide.  I felt a part of something and promised I would bring a rock back myself from home the next time I came.  I wanted to be a part of whatever this great mound was.  This was my first night alone at Rock Eagle.   I wasn't scared.  I felt like I was at a place I was supposed to be.  My mind is so full of so many stories that I've stored away, that I almost don't know where to go from here.  Maybe a little history of Rock Eagle.  it dates back to the Middle Woodland period which is 300 B.C.- 600 A.D.

To construct the Rock Eagle, the Indians piled tons of loose quartz rock, much of it carried a considerable distance, to form the effigy. The bird has a wingspan of 120 feet, and a body ten feet tall from ground level, which spreads 30 feet wide and over 60 feet long. It's head faces to the west.

The Rock Eagle cannot truly be appreciated from ground level. The modern park services have built a three story viewing tower so visitors can actually view the "sculpture". The eagle sits atop a low rise within a clearing of trees, with a path or roadway leading off from its head. About 100 feet long from head to tail, the eagle, which to me looks more like a western representation of a thunderbird, is formed by thousands of smallish white granite stones piled within an outline. Exactly what function this geographic pictograph served, and why it was built and by whom, remains a mystery.

Prehistoric shamans created a flying eagle out of white quartz stones on a plateau here. The giant bird is thought to have been used in religious ceremonies. The eagle is symbolic of the shaman's journey to the "spirit world". A tower has been built to view the entire effigy.     I continued my visits to this magic place all the way up till my senior year in high school.  More stories to come.  I feel like doing some research, funny I spent so much time there growing up from in my summers that I've done very little research up until today.  The breast area of the eagle have been excavated and human remains were found.  But the mystery of this magical bird still lay unanswered to this day.  Some believe it was a burial ground, some say it was a place for religious ceremonies.  I would love to travel back in time to see.


  "Where is this love?  I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it.  I can hear it.  I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words."   Natalie Portman from Closer  

  Ok folks I watched another one of those as Mike put's it, "You like watching those mess with your head kind of movies".  Actually I do and have been thinking about this movie today.  Although it was sad and disturbing to me in some ways.  It hit home and was very beautiful in others.  The movie as you see from the picture is Closer.  It reminds me of a play I once did called "Hold Me", where basically we are all just trying to hold someone and be closer to them.  This had my mind going on different levels today, one from learning from my own life and the different places I've been in my own relationships past and present.   So in this way I related because it is about people trying to be closer to each other, to be closer to something they each value in life, to be closer to a truth that maybe one of them ever will be.  Intimacy of being compassionate human beings.  That's a kind of what they are or unconsciousely trying to attain.  Although each of these characters have some big flaws.  I mean big ones, but we all have our baggage don't we.  That we bring with us.  My favorite character was the one Natalie Portman played, I've always like her and Julia Roberts.  But her character I relate to the most, she shows up on the streets in London from New York with just her bags and her personality, she has a past, and she recreates herself and makes up her whole new world, she's very honest with her feelings, which is what keeps her special to me or different from the other three characters. She's lying about her persona, but she's the most direct honest person in the movie. It's about morals and conscience,it looks at how people have relationships with each other and how they sometimes get lost in them that they are sometimes insensitive to the other persons feelings.  I'm in love now I can be irrational.  I've actually thought that before, and I've definitely been irrational before.  I'm still trying to be the best, and learn new things from day to day who I am.  I'm still forgiving myself for past.  I have many more thoughts, but guess I will save it for later.  Mainly thought of how I didn't love myself in the past, and how I'm trying my best now to make up for it.  Do I recommend this movie.  Hmm, it's not for everyone, if your the thinking type sure.  It's a bit disturbing and has it's vulgarities as well.  But I loved it for all the emotion in brought up in me.  The quote I put at the top got me the most, because I think I got something that I just didn't get.  I'll try and explain it more later.  

Goodbye to Gilligan (Bob Denver)


Growing up Gilligan's Island was one of my daily shows that I watched.   His crazy antics had me glued to the tube every day.  He was a wonderful comedian and actor.  You brought laughter to this little boy everyday.  Thanks for touching my life.  We'll miss you "little buddy"!  Bob Denver passed away Sept 2, 2005 surrounded by his family.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Charlie to Snoopy

this one's for Russ

Charlie's Advice

Are you upset little friend?
Have you been lying awake worrying?
Well, don't worry...I'm here.
The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine
tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.

~Charlie Brown to Snoopy~

Last Summer Moments


I think of the last day in the pool with Autumn, Eli, and Ethan.  I still remember the first pool I bought for Autumn when she was a little baby.  Now there are three.  I have a feeling there will be more.  I pray there will be.  Welcome Autumn.  Still may have some pool parties in the Autumn though, it's still hot.


Monday, September 5, 2005

Seven things

I was tagged by Laura   and AuburnDawn    7 People I Want To Do This   hmmmmm.... but "will" they? If they don't, you have my permission to nag them.

1. Anna

2. Kelly

3. Jools


5. Laura (private)


7.  Derek

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die  
can I quote the chorus to Live Like You Were Dying? It is seven things!

1. write a book

2. have my own photography business

3. go to Scotland and Ireland with Michael and get pieces of our castle

4. go on a cruise

5. take my mom to Hawaii

6. forgive myself and everyone for everything

7. adopt


7 Things I Can Do  

1. draw

2. take good pictures
3. write creative stories
4. roll my tongue

5. cook awesome italian

6. Smile 

7. Swim really well

7 Things I Can't Do  

1.put my legs behind my neck, but i used to could
2. see without my glasses....but I attempt it every day

3. Advanced Algebra

4. abackbend
5. tell someone there is no hope, stole that one from you Laura
6. sleep without a fan
7. lately check my blog everyday.  :)

7 Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex, this attraction is the attraction of a gay man. 

1. Eyes

2. Smile
3. hair
4. personality

5. sense of humor
6. How they hug
7. independence

7 Things I Say Most Often

1. Yes

2. No!
3.  I love you!
3. How

4. Why

5.  Whatever

6. Good morning

7. good night

7 Celebrity Crushes  (in no order)  ....right now or through the years.....this is too vague so it will be random

1. Sting

2. Olivia Newton John

3. John Travolta

4. Sean Connery

5. the Rock

6. Vin Diesel

7. Angelie Jolie

7 people I want to do this 

1. Tilly

2. Robert

3. Tina

4, Rebecca

5. Chris

6. Sherry

7. Carol

post it here and on your own blog when you are done

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Answers to Cowboy

CowboyRobert ask me those three questions, since I got him in his journal.  Here they are.

1. When and how did you learn, please don't let me be the one to tell you, that a certain Jolly Elf (wears red, rides in a sleigh, eight tiny reindeer, north pole, chimney, scarfs up cookies, drops off presents, HO HO HO, and all that stuff) wasn't exactly Real? (for pity sake please don't read this to any children) funny you would ask this one, I was much older than most, I quesioned it in my head young, but thought that if I ever said I didn't believe that I wouldn't get anything for Christmas, when I was about in the 7th grade my mom finally said Derek you know there really isn't a .....  I was like does this mean I don't get any christmas presents, and she said you will still get Christmas presents, so I told her I knew. 

2. Do you believe in Destiny?  to a certain degree I believe in destiny, I also believe we still have choices in many matters, but some things I do believe are destiny.  That's a hard one, in some ways we create our own destiny.  I'll have to think about this one more so I'll answer the sub question.

3. Do you have a recurring dream?  I did have a recurring dream of a staircase, I'm climbing a winding staircase.  Nothing really happens I'm just climbing it.

Finally you may substitute the following question for any prior question if you wish.
alt. ? Do you know that the word Existence is misspelled? Sorry, but I had to ask.

I'm not really that picky.


The substitute question, because I think I've only had a few people comment on that one, yes I mispelled is on purpose.  It was a play on words. 

Labor Day Weekend

It's Sunday night and I'm thinking wow, I don't have to go to work tomorrow, I'm so happy about that.  Last night we went to a Labor Day party over at Mike's, we all had a really good time, although my Mike did have to leave early to pick up our friend Turk from the ER.  I had fun, but it was kind of diffrent after Mike left, I still had fun, just felt strange not having him by my side.  My friend Scott came down from Atlanta and it was really good to see him, I never really feel like we get to talk like we used to, but it was still wonderful seeing him.  He looks the best I've ever seen him.  Was nice being with friends.  Turk is doing better and Mike picked him up from the ER, he spent some time helping him today, and I went over there for a while.  Now it's evening, and I feel rested, I've slept a lot this weekend.  I'm hoping for a restful tomorrow as well.


I couldn't remember if I had shared this or not, but a couple of Sunday mornings ago at church, our little church was singing a song.  We don't have a huge congregation, but I feel we radiate joy when we sing.  Pastor Linda spoke from the bible and her life enthusistically.  After the sermon we sang another song, not from the hymnal but one that Pastor Linda had brought, I'd never heard this song before, but it really touched me.  I started singing, and the voices I heard were so beautiful, the words coming from my own mouth were as well.  I felt like I was in the company of heaven for at least two whole verses, then that little doubt entered my mind and I thought, I know I don't sound this good, so the last verse sounded good but I couldn't hear the angels I was hearing before.  I say angels only because it sounded so angelic for me, I was moved to tears.  So I felt we were really worshipping His glorious name in that song, but I only got to hear what we sounded like to Him for the first two verses,the last verse I only heard what we sounded like to me, which was still pretty good, but didn't compare to what I was hearing.  God forgive me for doubting, I don't think I knew I was in such good company at the time.  I think when we came to Christ in faith, we also joined an invisible host of companions.   Angels so to speak.  Yes I believe in Angels.  I always have.  I think I've always had special angels watching over me, one of my favorites was the story my mom used to tell me when I was little, that everyone has a guardian angel that watches over them.  When I was younger I used to talk to it,  I only say it, because I didn't think of it as male or female.  Just this beautiful light.   These are my childhood thoughts.  I havn't talked to that guardian angel in a long time, but I know it is stil watching out for me.  Bless me a lot today!  Bless all of you out there reading a lot as well.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

Jounal Jar #1

I've decided to play along the Jounal Jar thing that I saw Tilly doing over at

she looks so beautiful with that pink rose.



Describe your first job. What did it pay? What were your duties? What was your Boss like?


My first job getting paid was the summer of 1976, one of the last years my dad helped farm.  My job picking tomatoes.  Yes it was a hard job, but my cousin J and I had decided to do it, actually my father decided it for me.  We carried bags and gently placed the hard green tomatoes in the bags, as they got full we placed them in wood crates.  I really don't remember how much the pay was but I do know it was by the pounds of tomatoes you picked. On each box you would put your name, and at the end of the day they would weigh you boxes, and pay you according.  I think I made the lowest wage, but then again I was probably the youngest person out there.  But that money was a surprise that summer, it was the first time I got paid for working, except for my 1.00 every time I mowed the grass.  My boss was my Papa and my dad.  Papa was a good boss.  Maybe because he loved me so.  My dad was a grumpy boss, I remember once he was bent over and my cousin J threw as hard as he could a tomatoe and it hit him right in the ass.  He got so mad and turned aroundand slung one and instead of hitting him, it hit me right across the face, leaving me in tears running to Mema's house, that day at lunch my dad got a good thrashing from Mema from the mouth.  For some reason that made me feel good, although some off the things coming out of Mema's mouth weren't so pretty.  They were words I would get a spanking for if I said them.   Actually later I was glad I got hit by the tomatoe, because Mema babied me the whole rest of the day and I got to stay in the cool airconditioned house.  This story brings back many memories.  Like of the farmer's market.  I'll have to make a note to write more on that later.

Early morning thoughts

My cousin Harolene made a promise to God and to herself, that each morning she would get up at 4:30 and write to God.  She's quite the writer and she's just recently been writing on a website of her brother's who gone to Russia to witness, and now is in Gulfport searching for souls to bring to the cross.   Our hearts go out to all the pain and suffering and loss that has gone on it the last week.  Seems like in great disasters like this we come to appreciate what we have.  I hope that all these people going through such horrible times can stay strong and keep faith.  There's mighty strenth in our inner being through his spirit.  If there is one thing that I hide from more than anything it is my weaknesses.   I detest it so much I invent ways to cover them.   "Your strenth is made perfect in weakness."   Maybe in some way this is when we are strongest, when we are weak.  So yes I'm proud to be a strong weak person!  :)

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Forming a More Perfect Union

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Someone emailed me did I have any pictures of me and my first love, or pictures from some of the plays I was in.  Unfortunately this is the only picture left.  I once had a albumn full of pictures, but some years ago, someone broke in my house and stole of all things my picture albumn, which I couldn't figure out, it had my whole portofolio of all the plays I was in, I've thought about getting some when I go back home in the archives at my old college.  This is no picture or tintype, lol, it's me and Allain, my coming out story in the only play he actually acted in with me.  I talked him into it, and helped him learn all his lines, he was so nervous, but then again so was I.  This was no easy play either, it was a historical play about the forming of the Constiitution.  I played Abraham Baldwin, that's me on the left, and Allain on the right.  I look so young.  That was no wig either, I had let my hair grow, back when it would actually grow. It was one of the hardest plays I ever acted in.  I did enjoy the costumes though.  He hasn't changed much.


Boiled Peanuts

My mom's entry last night was just beautiful to me, just picturing her as a little girl selling boiled peanuts.  I remember peanuts myself, but nothing like my mom, she was a much harder worker than I was, but I remember those endless rows of peanuts and picking weeds from each row.  I even remember planting, and plowing, and all the stuff that you do to make peanuts.   I remember my dad not being able to keep going if he saw a boiled peanuts stand on  the side of the road when we took a trip.  He had to stop, no way around it.  I'm still not crazy about boiled peanuts.  I like them almost anyway but boiled.