Monday, January 2, 2006

Still Reflecting

In 1999 I started a time travelers journal, a place for me to reflect on the past, present, and future as I was traveling towards the turn of the century and the beginning of a new millennium.  I made wishes for the 21st centrury.  I made visions of what the Big Picture was for me at the time.  Here it is another New Year and I'm still feeling I'm looking for many of the same things.  I'm still looking for the "Big Picture" so to speak.   I'm still looking for peace of mind, and purpose.  I go back six years and read over my journals and I'm thankful.  I remember those really hard times I was going through.  I feel stronger in many ways today.  I described last year of at times being painful.  But it really wasn't so painful or hard as the first steps I took six years ago.  I also read of New Years's of this closeness I felt with nature or the spirit.  I still long for that closeness.  I'm still looking for happiness within myself.  I think about the first steps of healing or recovering that I took a little over six years ago, and I think now, am I still recovering? 

Another New Year yes, as I ran today, my first run for the New Year.  I was thinking of some of the people I chat with, I hear they have bitter cold and deep snow in parts of England and my friend Steve is expecting a foot of snow in Illinois, while here on the coast it is as warm as April, I was out in shorts and a tank, and not the least bit cold.  This year, this wonderful New Year, is fitting for me at any rate.  I look back on the disasters of 2005.  And hopes for rebuilding of 2006.  I'm looking for a feeling inside myself that will take off and soar.  I started a new aol blog earlier since I'm starting my training again for the Gate River Run, check it out at  http://journals.aol.com/tallnfuzzy/GettingReadyfortheGateRiverRun20/

I also find myself really interested in my genealogy again, and have been working on that, turning back to roots and the great influences, going back in order to draw strentgth from some of the deep sources and people that have shaped my life;family and friends.  I spoke of reflections the day before New Years, but still find myself looking back.  I feel on this day the second day of the year, I am in a quiet way blooming.  This year I have goals, no resolutions, just goals, hope, and faith.  And maybe the gloomy parts I've felt the last two months will just go away.

3 comments:

joolsinwa said...

oh hun , you are sooo deep, I just float through life, new years mean nothing, at this stage in the game I am  soo ready for it all to be over. LOL
but you do make me smile.
~Julie

sanantoniotexas said...

Good luck on the run!  It will be cool to read your entrys as you go through training...We had odd warm weather here today..70's  of course that was followed by severe storms and tomorrow back to the cold and reality of January here in KY

PJ

barbpinion said...

With hope and faith, my friend, the gloomy parts will go away, at least for awhile. I wake up sometimes, with sadness weighing heavy upon me. I've struggled with thsi my entire life. Finally realized it is part of where I've come from, but doesn't have to be part of my todays. Reflecting too long upon something causes us to feel gloomy, unless it is the SON. THEN...we find we don't have to search for anything because we already have it.
Love you
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/THERESTOFTHESTORY
        http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK