Monday, September 13, 2004

Finding my heart

I am here to tell you that you can get your heart back.  But your going to have to fight for it.  I want all wounds healed and strength restored.  I'm a fighting. Today I've been sitting with my thoughts, ever changing thoughts.  Sometimes thinking of the pain, but then something just saying let go.  Don't hold onto the pain, just let go.  I read Barb's journal yesterday, about seeing what is in front of us and being thankful.  Things may get hard, but seeing what we do have and being happy with that.  I am happy and I have faith things are going to even get better.  It funny how some days I feel so lost in my journey and other's I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be.  I've let my past hold me back so much.  Not liking the person I was at one time, blaming things of my dad for not initiating me into life and my journey.   But my heavenly father is taking me on that journey and  providing for me what was missing.  A hope seems to be rising up in me one that wishes I could draw something or paint something to show that feeling like my friend Judith.  I don't want to dismiss this hope I want to do something wondeful with it.  I think I have some pretty good things I can pray for tonight.  I wonder if I have enough quiet times, I surly need my quiet times, in the early morning, or late night to think and pander about life.    I've been whining lately, why me, why can't I get out of this hole I'm in financially.  But maybe there's a lesson, maybe God is trying to teach me something.  God I have faith in you and what your teaching me, I don't love you because I want you to make my life easier.  ( Althought I do have those selfish prayers at time) 

What questions have you been asking?  Question to self, Have I been asking the right questions?

4 comments:

barbpinion said...

My sweet friend, letting go is the most difficult thing. I know. Right now I'm having to let go of a 31 year marriage to the man I love with all my heart. I did my best. Now I have to let God to the rest, which means not getting in His way. It is in the middle of our trial that the greatest blessing rests, Derek. That's because God is where we are, all the time. The God of the good times is the GOD of the bad times
Our past will only have as much power over it as we give it. Looking back, dear one, is what causes us to fall. We're so busy focusing on yesterdays pain that we're missing the answeres to our prayers. We pray, give thanks right after, knowing it will come to pass, and then live as if we already have what we need, because in truth, we do. The thing to remember when you're having financial problems is that YOU ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH. GOD is your all in all. I was poor all my life and still have the least in all my family, but am the richest. Your heart is searching after the Lord and He is in the process of filling you up. Financial problems bring you  to your knees. They keep you connected to the Lord, keep you dependent on Him. God uses whatever He has to in order to get us on a one-to-one with Him. I have no doubt that before long you'll be on your feet again.  l look forward to a letter or email telling me how wonderfully HE is taking care of you. You're going to be just fine. Whenever I get overwhlemed with life's problems I just remind myself of whose I am. I say ..I AM GOD'S DAUGHTER. There is such power in that statement and if fills me with such joy and strength.
  I invite you to follow along with my personal story in my story journal. I'm writing it out to help myself work through the loss of my marriage. Perhaps in following along with it you will find answers for youself.  Much love, my dear friend.   *Barb*
http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/THERESTOFTHESTORY
** in a minute I'll send you the beginning entry

barbpinion said...

My sweet friend, letting go is the most difficult thing. I know. Right now I'm having to let go of a 31 year marriage to the man I love with all my heart. I did my best. Now I have to let God to the rest, which means not getting in His way. It is in the middle of our trial that the greatest blessing rests, Derek. That's because God is where we are, all the time. The God of the good times is the GOD of the bad times
Our past will only have as much power over it as we give it. Looking back, dear one, is what causes us to fall. We're so busy focusing on yesterdays pain that we're missing the answeres to our prayers. We pray, give thanks right after, knowing it will come to pass, and then live as if we already have what we need, because in truth, we do. The thing to remember when you're having financial problems is that YOU ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH. GOD is your all in all. I was poor all my life and still have the least in all my family, but am the richest. Your heart is searching after the Lord and He is in the process of filling you up. Financial problems bring you  to your knees. They keep you connected to the Lord, keep you dependent on Him. God uses whatever He has to in order to get us on a one-to-one with Him. I have no doubt that before long you'll be o

maverickbeck said...

i have found my heart in you too

judithheartsong said...

Dear Derek,
I am very honored to be your friend... and watch you growing and sharing. The question that I ask is:
"Am I doing everything I can to be a good human on this earth, and am I using my God given gifts to their highest potential?"

You have all the tools you need... these are just growing pains. withlove to you, judi