Be noble minded! Our own heart, and not other men’s opinions of us, forms our true honor. –Johann Christoph Friedrich Von Schiller
As the rain continues to pour. I’m sitting here thinking. I once was a chameleon. Like so many people, I developed the thoughts growing up that my feelings, ideas, and opinions were unimportant. Very seldom do I remember being asked my opinion on things. I rarely expressed my views, even when I felt strongly about something. The only place my feelings came out were in my journals. I mostly tried to blend in and hide my feelings of insignificance. Mostly my opinions and actions were to what others said and did.
I’m getting better as an adult but sometimes find myself conforming to what I think others want. Sometimes I behave as I think someone would want me too. I’m much better now than I was at expressing my feelings. Many times I write it down and finally just get it out. I know I wanted to be liked by everyone. I think at times I became what everyone wanted. Everyone except myself. One of my main challenges has been to develop as an individual in my own right. I’ve had to discover who I really am, and what I really believe and feel- regardless of the influences of others. I think back on the past. How I tried to be a outgoing person when I was really feeling quiet, or quiet when I was outgoing. Confusing huh. Another challenge has been to develop the kind of self worth that makes it possible not only to express my true beliefs and opinions, but to stand behind them as well. Easier said than done.
No more blending in.