Monday, May 2, 2005

Thoughts on a Monday Morning Deep

You know it seems and I’m saying it seems by my actions and not just by others, but the word sin doesn’t seemed to be used that much anymore.  When we do something wrong, now maybe I am talking about me, I rationalize, we say we showed “inappropriate behavior” or made a “mistake”, we may even say “we have done a bad thing.”  I remember the first time I said that.  I was in the first grade and a boy named Keith had said something mean to me, I held it inside the whole day, but when the bus rang, children would scatter from their last class of the day, and run to the school busses.  It was a mass hysteria of kids running, well as soon as we got outside I just pushed him, and I know he fell down.  But then all I saw was children running, and I never saw him get up.  I went ahead and got on my bus, looking to see if I saw him, I knew I did a bad thing, and when I got home, I told my mama, I think I killed Keith McGloklin, mama asked me to explain, and I told her what happened, and I thought he was stompedded to death by first graders after I had pushed him down.  Well mama made me call my first grade teacher and tell her, which I did, almost in tears, I told her it was me and what I had done, and was he ok, that I think I may have killed him.  She assured me he was fine and there were no accidents after school today, but I would need to tell him I was sorry the next day, and maybe he will tell you he was sorry too for what he said.  He was there the next day, no bruises, no casts, just mean ole Keith.  I did apologize, and he actually apologized to me too.  Funny memories now when I think of them.  But now it seems I along with others I’m sure begin to believe in their own innate goodnessWe do so in spite of overwhelming physical and spiritual evidence to the contrary.  As I write in my journal, genocide is rampant in.  Unbelievable things have been endured in .  Evil has not dropped off the face of the earth.  I write I follow Jesus, but we must resist the efforts of our world to minimize the reality of sin.  We all sin.  But I guess recognizing as the sins fo the nations is easier than admitting our own personal sin.  But we need to confess the specific sins we commit against our holy God.  So what am I telling myself, I guess just a sin is a sin, call it that, confess it.  I believe my sins can be washed away and have been, but I also feel excuses can’t be.  We can make excuses to our parents when we were little but I don’t think excuses work for God or even ourselves.  We can rationalize but we know in our hearts right from wrong.  So where is all this coming from, I’m not sure, I watched “Saving Private Ryan” last night.  I’m not catholic, but there is a lot that has been going on in that religion.  Mike is Catholic, so I’m learning a little more about the religion.  Not so much differences from mine, but things that are the same.  I had a nice weekend.  Spent time with friends on Friday and Saturday, and Mike and I cooked lasagna yesterday from scratch and it was delicious.  It was a kind of lazy weekend.  Saturday Mike went over to his moms and helped her with some things, and I cleaned.  I’m not sure what it is I feel today, just kind of out of sorts.  I’m not struggling but I seem to be telling myself I am.  Maybe I just need to let faith take over.  Maybe I need to reread Barb’s entry.  “Just let us then be true and faithful, trusting, serving, every day;  just one glimpse of Him in glory will the toils of life repay”  Heweitt


judithheartsong said...

very nicely written...... very thought-provoking for me. judi

deabvt said...

It`s funny how these experiences can come back to us; in whole cloth.

gbgoglo said...

Nicely done, Derek!  Hugs, gloria