I can't sleep

Can't seem to make myself go to sleep tonight, my mind is full as it is so many nights, I walked down to the beach and looked at the beautiful reflection of the moon on the Ocean, it calmed me some.  I can't seem to get into words all that I'm feeling tonight.  Am I sad?  No far from it.  Am I happy?  Yes, very but, does there always have to be a but.  Am I scared?  Yes, I'm terrified.  What are you scared of?  Me.  Who is this me that is trying so hard to get out, so hard to be known?  Am I lonely?  I have Baby here with me tonight so not really lonely.  Ok maybe now I know a little more of what I'm feeling.  Baby is laying in the bed, waiting for me to come back to bed.  I think I can sleep now. 

Florida

Florida

What makes you come alive

I've been asking myself this question a lot lately.  If you had permission to do what you really wanted to do, what would it be.  I'm not asking how, that will cut your desire off at the knees.  My life as an adventure.  Sometimes I think our desires are buried deep and it takes some unearthing to get to them.  I think we should pay attention to our desire.  Sometimes the clues are in our past, in the moments when we found ourselves loving what we were doing.  The details change as we grow, but the  themes remain the same.  I love reading everyone's journals and reading about the things they love.  With Judi it's her art, http://journals.aol.com/judithheartsong/newbeginning/ it makes her alive, and just looking at her art makes me feel alive.  What a wonderful gift.  With Carol, http://journals.aol.com/eynl/HappeningsduringtheairIbreathe/ , it's her love for life and her family.  Peachy, http://journals.aol.com/jcgeorgiapeach/ThePeachPages/ her love for writing and letting you escape and be brought somewhere wonderful in her writings, an adventure just in everyday life, through her love for her family and all of mankind.  Barb, http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/LETTERSTOHEAVEN/, and her letters to heaven that speak to our soul, she brings inspiration to my life everyday.   I could go on and on.  I love these journals they speak to my heart everyday.

 

What did you always dream of doing or being.... and is it still alive in you?

Remembering You

REMEMBERING YOU
By Derek

The depth of this realm is simply to vast.
Once I tried to maneuver people.
Now I use that power to manipulate words.
How bright will my light be?
How long will the aches of the past last?
I will go on and shine in doing so.
The respecet that I show myself
GROWING!
The good deeds that I do for others
GROWING!
My dreams
GROWING!

Why does one want what he can't have?
Is it the bite of denial that entices us?
I am strong in saying it was never just lust.
Why did yout touch the beat of my heart?
I struggle to hold onto my grace...
While lying in the dark.
To forget would be the ultimate sin.
You were given to me...if only for a while
To aid in my survival...is to always remember your smile.
This is what's happening when I'm
Remembering YOU.

Last day

Autumn and i just got back from a walk on the beach, the moon was beautiful.  We started talking about Mema, she said Mema is in Heaven, and I said yep and I bet she's looking down on us smiling.  And she yelled, I love you Mema.  I was thinking the same thing.  I'm actually getting a little sad tonight is their last night here.  I've enjoyed watching her tonight while Sherry and Mark go out on a little date.  I'm wore out too.  How again do you guys do this every day.  God bless all the parents out there.  What an awesome job you have!

Just woke up

Well boy do I have a house full.  But I love it, Sherry's boyfriend Mark grilled some of the best salmon I've ever had.  Jerk Salmon over a bed of rice, with a nice salad on the side.  Sherry made a yummy lemon pie for dessert, I'd be as big around as a house if they were here long.  Autumn is as sweet as ever.  She really knows how to work Uncle Derek, she'll change the pitch just one octive and say P-L-E-A-S-E and that is all it takes.  Those big blue eyes of hers doesn't hurt any either.  Wish I had the day off so I could spend with them, but it's off to work I go!  I had some pretty awful dream last night, kind of weirded me out.  Maybe I need to write Jojolona see what she thinks.  Tonight I get to Autumnsit, while Sherry and Mark go out on the town.  Looking forward to that, I can hear her now, "Tell me a story"

Day at the beach

Well it was nice taking the day off and spending it with my brother, sister, niece, and Sherry's boyfriend Mark.  We had a nice day, spent most of it on the beach,  Then Mark grilled chicken and dogs,  it was very tasty.  Had a great time.  I'm pooped, just got home and tried to pick up some, they are coming to spend tomorrow and Thursday here with me too.  I'll write more later.  Don't let the bedbugs bite!