Call Me A Dreamer

I've been sitting here today dreaming.  I guess sometimes we dream our way through life until someone or something confronts us with the real world.  Nothing wrong with dreams, I mean the alternative is not to dream.  I love dreaming, dreaming of a better life.  Dreaming of being a famous writer.  I don't think I think too much of myself.  I know I'm a ok writer, and I enjoy it guess that's all that matters.   This is all such a learning experience for me, guess life is exactly that.  July 4th weekend is coming up.  I'm looking forward to it, and I am also leary of it.  There are a few parties I've been invited too.  I want to have fun this weekend, but I don't want to do anything to slip into some of my old ways by attending them.  I look back on my life to a time when I didn't have much of a conscience.  It's like one day God just gave me a gift, that gift was a conscience.  It has been a guiding light for me, and has told me wrong from right.  Things that were once fun for me are not anymore.  I've talked about this with my friend Wendy.  She said we're just growing up.  I guess so, I wonder sometimes why I got this gift so late in life.  I know I've always had it, but I think maybe I had hidden that gift.  Sometimes I guess we're just not ready for some gifts.  Keep me in thoughts this weekend.  Hope you all have a safe and wonderful fourth.

Inside Derek

Inside Derek

Lost inside myself

Reaching out to anyone

Who might be able to save me

 

Pictures in frames change with time

Evidence of my journey

Faces of stars that weren't meant to

        GUIDE ME

 

Becoming more hopless and afraid

of never finding the way 

Never finding the path to my destiny

 

I stand outside alone at night, close my eyes

And feel something that surrounds me

It is then my spirit hears their voices

rise out of the darkness

A sigh in the trees...

 

"Our eyes are the stars that shine"

"Our love is the moonlight that gently whispers the night"

"Our hope for you fills each glorius dawn with light"

"Our pride in all you have done, gives color to every sunset"

 

You look into the eyes of your ancestors

And realize you were on the path you were meant to take all along

No longer inside yourself, you finding your guiding stars

More beautiful than any other in the vast sky.

Drawing of little Virginia

A couple of years ago, someone came into my life.  I was thinking about her tonight.  We lived together for two years up until about 4 months ago.  I often wonder why she came into my life.  Guess the answers lie in what I learned from living with her.  When I first saw her, i saw something in her eyes, something familiar, like she had felt some of the same pains in life that I had.  We both met during a hard time, it was another beginning.  Someone had just ended a three year relationship with me whom I cared for tremendously.  She had just ended a relationship.  Friendship grew fast and we learned much about each other.  We shared many feelings about life, and just everyday life was fun.  We enjoyed our time together.  We had a connection I cannot deny.  We talked about our wounds together.  We healed together.  Then in like one moment something happened.  She had a breakdown.  I havn't seen her since this happened, just talked a few times on the phone.  We both knew we were about to embark on new lives.  I just didn't know it was going to happen so quickly.  She lives up north now on her fathers farm, healing.  I keep her in my prayers.  I pray for that little girl.  I pray that she can heal and not continue being a victim.  I hope she can become a witness and learn to protect that little girl.

Morning thoughts

You ever just wake up with a thought, and just go with it.  That's what I did today.  I was thinking about that wonderful feeling you get when you first meet someone you care about a lot.  The feeling when those feeling are returned.  The crazy pitter patter kind of beating of the heart.  Has it been a long time since you've felt that.  I like that feeling.  Now for the thought.  I was thinking try and find that with yourself.  I'm not talking about being vain.  I just mean, find that crazy pitter patter feeling within yourself, just loving yourself.    Today was good, it wasn't easy, it had it's series of little tests.  This was a little about what is in my heart today.  Another one of those brand new days.  Feeling like I can do anything in the world if I set my mind to it.  I feel my true heart calling.  Not sure what it's calling me to do, but it's calling.

Alone again

Well this was a wonderful visit.   Funny how my family always seems to know when I'm feeling lonely or anything, and just show up spur of the moment.  Today was beautiful.  We had a nice brunch on the beach.  I'm thinking about going vegitarian. It really was great having them in my place this weekend.  Sure is QUIET now!

It's been a beautiful Summer Day

It's been a fun day, we spent most of it on the beach.  Had a good lunch here at the house, walked back to the beach.  Autumn loved the water, we did have a little scare when I had her on my shoulders and a wave knocked her right off them.  I pulled her up out of the water and she said.  "That wave was trying to kill me".  Didn't phase her one bit though, she loved it.  She even laid it the sand and made angels like Northerners do in the snow.  We took a little trip to the health food store to get my favorite almonds and realized, Autumn and I need a nap.  Mama and Sherry dropped us off so they could do some power shopping, and Autumns been out hard since they left.  A huge storm has come up like I havn't seen in years, and she's slept right through it.  Sherry called and said the electricity is off at the store they are at, and they are waiting it out there.  Funny how the weather can change so quickly.

Late Night Visitors

What a blessing I received tonight, My mom, sister Sherry, and niece Autumn came to visit for the weekend.  They got here around 10:00 tonight, they loved my new place.  We walked down to the beach, Autumn loved playing in the Ocean.  Well just had to put some pics on here.  Plan on taking some good ones this weekend.