Quote from Hawthorne

"No man, for any considerable period of time, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the truth."

----Nathanial Hawthorne

 

Do you ever confuse the truth about yourself with a facade?  I keep telling myself I have what it takes.  I  want a deeper knowing though, there is knowledge about and knowledge of, when it comes to the two I think it is the latter we need more of.  Sound to me I'm still trying hard to find the real me.  I know I'm here.  I was thinking the other day, how close to the real me is this journal, I think if some people who read my journal that really know me, may be surprised I have all this in me, I've got diffrent sides to me.  Usually I'm a pretty quiet person, but there is always something going through this big taterhead of mine.  Mostly I'm thinking of who I am, and where do I go with this question, well I write in my journal, I pray.  I know my true name can never be taken away fom me.  There is something very deep in my heart.  I know where I've come from, I like to say I know where I'm going, but that's not all together true.   I'm still being tested every day, I'm not that crazy about tests either.  I know I have to face my Enemy.  Wow where is this coming from, kind of scares me again.  Am I still becoming a man?

 

A wise friend of mine had this observation about life, it went something like this.  Have you ever considered that you have (whatever it is) exactly what you want... right now... I believe that is true for all of us...if we wanted more, badly enough, we'd have more   and another thought: whatever we have, its enough...   though those two thoughts might seem to be in opposition to one another, they are not think about it.   I've been thinking about it, and right now it holds true for me.  I've had a very nice weekend.  Hurricane Charley wasn't very bad here at all, was a little worried.  All and all the weekend was filled with getting to know someone a little better, and it has been nice.  I think Dena is about a week off of having the baby, sure hope it happens on the weekend so I can be there.   Well all hope your having a wonderful weekend, and enjoy the Olympics tomorrow.

How many of you have spent any time around horses.  Close by the house I grew up in there was a pasture, that used to be full of horses.  I've only ridden horses once, but there is something beautiful about these wonderful creatures that God blessed us with.  They are beautiful and strong and if you watched them like I did growing up you can see they have a mind of their own.   Sometimes I see things with great strength as a thing of beauty.  I wish I were stronger.  Strength is what makes heroes.  Slavery was stopped by the strentgth of men, at a terrible price to them and their families.  And the biggest strength of all, and have we forgotten- the Man who let Himself be nailed to Calvary's cross.   Then there are the ladies, nope I havn't forgot about you. I know many heroic women to.  Most of the strong people in my life were women.  I'm looking for my strength.  Has it dawned on you that this world and our God need our strength?  What are we waiting for?  Who are some people you think of with great strengths?

Scary subject

In the course of our daily lives does the reality of the Devil enter your mind?  Are you unaware of his schemes.  I was thinking about Barbs entry the other day about the worrier, the critic, the perfectionist, the victim.  The devil no doubt has a place in our theology, but do we even think about him in the daily events of our lives?  Has it ever crossed your mind that not every thought that crosses your mind comes from you?  The burst of anger I've experienced driving to work in rush hour traffic, in the midst of everything else that may be going on in my life.  We are being lied to all the time.  Yet we never stop to say, "Wait a minute... who else is speaking here?  Where are those ideas coming from?  Where are those feelings coming from?  If you read about the saints from every age before the Modern Era- this pride-filled age of reason, science, and technology we are throughly educated in- you'll find that they take the devil very seriousely indeed.  So I guess I'm just saying maybe when these thoughts enter our minds, maybe it's just the devil telling us lies, making us think things that are untrue about ourselves.  In all that is going on in the world, makes me think of the spiritual battle I'm in.  What do I need to do I ask in my prayers.  Am I doing it?

Saturday night

Well, I've had a very nice weekend, havn't been writing as much it seems lately.  But my mind is still full.  Just got back from the movies with Mike.  We went to see the "Bourne Supremecy".  It was pretty good, action packed for sure.  Walked on the beach, stormy weather, beautiful though.  I should have took some pictues.  I find myself at times letting go, and just having fun, and at other times find myself being a little reserved.  Not sure why.  No great words of wisdom tonight, just relaxing and having fun.  Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Tree of Knowledge

Ok everyone, I finally got some good sleep!  I had a very nice weekend.  Friday night my friend Mike came down to the beach and we walked on the beach and saw a pretty amazing Blue Moon.  Nice getting to know someone so interesting and caring.  So what is going on in my mind tonight?  Actually I'm quite calm and relaxed.   No worries, no fear.  Just me coming alive, and being happy.  No more sabotaging my strenghts, no more settling.  I'm a cunning, visionary warrier with a great mission .  I have a mission.  I've been thinking much of the past.  I've been tested so much in my journey.  There is still a bit of a struggle I feel.  Am I willingly turning away from my false self, or am I clinging to it?  I feel I'm being myself.  Guess I'm just fighting for my heart.  Does any of this make sense?