Monday, September 24, 2007

I love you Mom

I wanted to go back and look at old entries I wrote on my mom's birthday, she asked me to write about a happy memory of my childhood for her birthday, so I'm practicing on here what I'll write.  I write about our heavenly father a bunch on here, today on her birthday I will write about my Mother.  She was my connection to life, through her I learned about love, and my heavenly Father, she is the foundation that has steadied me, the comfort I've always carried with me, the warmth I go to again and again.  I love her for always wanting what is best for me, and teaching me that life is still beautiful even when it isn't easy.  She has been a good example for me all these almost 40 years of my life.  She has devoted so much, well all of it to us, her children, mothering us, wisely and unselfishly, and I just want her to know that I love her with all of my heart.   As long as I can remember we used these words I love you a lot.  They were not words she heard from her mother a lot, but she always knew Nana loved her.  But with us it was different, she told us always, every day without fail.  So at a young age I started saying I love you.  When I was a child, I got to say it more often to her, running out the door, catching the bus.... love you Mama, trudging off to bed, love you Mama.  She was the best thing in my little world.  She would tuck me into bed at night and say my prayers, and wish me sweet dreams.  Those are the happiest moments for me, were those moments of love.  I'm a lot older now and not there in Ocilla to say as many "Love yous" as I should, but I'm more aware than ever of her gentle influence over my life.  Now I understand the kind of love that waited for us to come in late at night... the kind of devotion that holds a trembling hand and cools a fevered brow.  The "love you" I offer today understands the sacrafices she made for us.   I didn't always know that, it seems with age, there is always a new appreciation.  I apologize for the times I caused her worry or concern.  Which were many, and I didn't even give it a second thought.  I know that no matter where I am, no matter how grown up I think I am, she'll always be my mama, and I'll always be her child, and every time I think of her, I'm always saying I love you, just like she always said to us and still says to this day.  So mama, I'm not sure this is what you expected.  I could of told stories of the first time I bought you a present at that little place where I went to Kindergarten, and how happy you made me feel when I gave it too you, your smile always made me the happiest of anything I can remember.  So today on your birthday I celebrate you, a woman who I see as independent as Nana was, yet sensitive to the needs of others, who's always been strong of her convictions, and who accepts the things she cannot change, I want to be more like her when it comes to that.  She has always done that with wisdom and grace.   Today I celebrate my mom who's honest and straightforward who's always willing to listen and never pretends to have all the answers.  She's always had a calming influence on me.  I have many friends that say their mom's aggravate them.  Not my mama, she shares kindness with all who meet her.   When comfort is called for that gentle smile comes when it is needed most.   She has a new smile, well she has for the last few years because of braces.   It's a beautiful smile now, but it's always been beautiful to me.  Thank you mama for the gift for caring, thank you for brightening any day by just being you!  Happy Birthday from the one you love best.


onestrangecat said...

Happy Birthday to your mom.  She sounds like a wonderful mom.


cranmohr said...

Derek,  I have been blessed by your journal for a very long time now.  You don't know me, but I want to tell you that I cried through your entire entry today.....but then you made me laugh with your final line.  What a beautiful tribute to your Mama on her birthday.  Happy Birthday Derek's Mama!!  Best Wishes to you and your family.  Chris

indigosunmoon said...

My Mom is awesome too!  Don't know what I would do without her.  
Your's has a pretty terrific son!
Love ya,