Thursday, June 10, 2004

From Beauty of the Morning Light to the Dark of Night

Seems I've had a full day, and I've been journalling as much as I can today, knowing my internet is still not up and running.  The day was beautiful but the night found me feeling thoughts of self doubt and panic and doom.  I know I've been writing a bit about chaos.  I know what happens in life happens for a reason.  Sometimes I guess I just feel a bit out of it.  But I want to learn from any chaos I'm going through.  I don't want to react negative to any chaos I'm feeling.  I accept the hardships I may be feeling.  I know any pain and doubt always fade.  I guess we are in control of the rate our turmoil and pain pass.  If that's true, I'm ready NOW.  EGO, maybe that's what is slowing me down.  I know it's right in front of my eyes, I just have to face it.  It's like I know my life is changing but with every change I start feeling something wonderful, then comes the tests, over and over.  Each test of my ego seems to inflict doubt.  I start complaining, then apologizing for my complaining.  Maybe I just want to be free of my ego.  Ok at least I got it all out, I feel better now.   Now I'm ready for some peace and harmony.  :)

3 comments:

gbgoglo said...

I always have a tendency of resisting change.  I get very comfy and when the universe says it's time to shift and evolve...boy, do I resist.  Once I'm there, I'm ready for the lessons.  You know this about yourself...I respect that in you.  You are very in tune to your mind, body and spirits needs.  Blessings...gloria

lamove04 said...

Hi Derek, thanks for the comment you left in my journal. :-)  It was good to hear from you. Seems like this is a time of change for you--hopefully one you'll learn good things from.  take care buddy, Albert

barbpinion said...

Wanting to learn allows us to learn. Acceptance, difficult as it is sometimes, is wise. It shortens the trials, shines a light on that which we lack, and we come out of it physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually stronger. Have a lot to catch up on, don't I? MIssed reading your entries. *Hugs, love & prayers*  Barb