Tuesday, November 8, 2005

Feeling Blue

No matter how hard I try to make myself feel good, it just doesn't seem to be working.  The true feeling in my stomach is not good.  I'm feeling blue!  I could go into a thousand reasons why I'm not feeling so wonderful, but for now I'll just say I might as well feel whatever it is I'm feeling rather than try and run from it or cover the feeling with something else.   I wish I could get this feeling out, it's a knot in my stomach or something that something just isn't right, I can't explain it any better than that, it's not irrational thoughts, they are real.  It's like my life has been so full of hurts, that a part of me feels that hurt is on it's way again.    The past with all it's hurts come back, and I feel them once again.  In my heart or in my head I know what is real for me.  But all I can know is what is real with me, and sometimes I want to know what is real for others.  Here I am going back to the Velveteen rabbit.  I guess we can only be real for ourselves and that is all that is important.  I'll sit with these feelings.  Maybe it's time I went to my psychologist again. 

13 comments:

mosie1944 said...

Ah, my friend, you have Seasonal affective disorder... SAD.  I think about half the population has it.  Get outside in the sun as much as possible, exercise outdoors, and give yourself plenty of light when inside.  

joolsinwa said...

Hope things get put right soon!
Love ya toots!
~Julie

globetrotter2u said...

Derek,
Your feelings are real and you mentioned that at least 3 or 4 times.
You cannot help what you are feeling, any more than I ever could.
Sometimes I think I am happy, the happiness tends to be very transient and elusive. The times that I have let myself down come crashing down upon me more often than not, and they are the constant reminders that my feelings are real and I must recognize the message that lingers behind them. I have never been able to do anything in my entire life, without being reminded that I am here for a reason, a purpose. When I fail in my purpose, which seems to happen all too frequently, my conscience gets a nudge. I don't know what's going on in your life, my friend, but something is nudging you. You will discover what it is, that much I am sure, because you recognize your need to be the best that you can possibly be.
I had a ball in St. Augustine. Thank-you so much for the picture of the lion, which I somehow missed:(
With love,
MAryanne

mumma4evr said...

I am sorry!  I go thru times like this too
Becky

barbpinion said...

When I get these moments I go to my quiet place, the place I set apart for just me and the Lord. For me, solitude and silence brings results. Will keep you in prayer, dear one.
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

jeroldssis said...

Wow, it must be going around.  First me, now you.  That feeling you get in your gut?  To me, I call it intuition, like I know something's going to happen.  Not necessarily a 'bad' thing, just something.  And I'm still feelin' badly today.  But not as bad.  I'll send prayers your way my friend.  Maybe it's the time change and time of season.  Who knows.  I just know it will pass.  Eventually.  Love you friend!

Chris

cubbycub said...

I get those feelings too and it seems more and more i have been feeling something i just dont know what it is..hard to describe but I know something is there..but i try to just pray each and every morning and give it over to god and let him guide me the best he can.  Hugs Buddy

onemoretina said...

Derek .... I know this feeling.  It's unexplainable, which makes it all the harder to deal with.  The shorter Fall and Winter days seem to nudge this blue feeling along, too.  If it continues, I think you are right about making a counseling visit.  It can't hurt, can only help.  I know it helped me when I needed it.  All the best to you, my friend .... Tina    http://journals.aol.com/onemoretina/Ridealongwithme

indigosunmoon said...

Derek,
I know what you mean.  I've been feeling blue,
and unsure about things for a while now.
I hope we both get over these feelings...and
soon!
Love you,
Connie

sanantoniotexas said...

Derek, I hope things are okay and If you ever need to talk don't hesitate to IM or email

PJ

gdireneoe said...

((((D))))) ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

deabvt said...

Derek, I hope you feel better soon.
V

tillysweetchops said...

So sorry to hear you're feeling down and anxious. I know from personal experience that at times like this very little that anybody says or does can be of comfort to the one that's hurting.. Very often it's just a waiting game. Hopefully the cloud will lift soon but in the meantime take extra care of yourself with nourishing food, rest and sleep.

Hugs,
Tilly x
http://journals.aol.co.uk/tillysweetchops/Adventuresofadesperatelyfathouse/