Tuesday, November 8, 2005
No matter how hard I try to make myself feel good, it just doesn't seem to be working. The true feeling in my stomach is not good. I'm feeling blue! I could go into a thousand reasons why I'm not feeling so wonderful, but for now I'll just say I might as well feel whatever it is I'm feeling rather than try and run from it or cover the feeling with something else. I wish I could get this feeling out, it's a knot in my stomach or something that something just isn't right, I can't explain it any better than that, it's not irrational thoughts, they are real. It's like my life has been so full of hurts, that a part of me feels that hurt is on it's way again. The past with all it's hurts come back, and I feel them once again. In my heart or in my head I know what is real for me. But all I can know is what is real with me, and sometimes I want to know what is real for others. Here I am going back to the Velveteen rabbit. I guess we can only be real for ourselves and that is all that is important. I'll sit with these feelings. Maybe it's time I went to my psychologist again.