Monday, May 10, 2004
When I was a little boy of maybe 4 all the kids in the neighborhood would climb up on this building and jump from the top onto a trampoline. They all had so much courage and it looked so fun. But when I climbed up and looked down, it didn't look so fun. My dad who didn't like the fact that I was scared, climbed up on the building and decided he would throw me off the building. It was quite terrifying, it must have been it's one of my first memories, I guess this was my first recollection of having a problem of letting go. When I did let go I was falling and I didn't land on the trampoline but the springs. Not too fun! Seems I've had problems letting go ever since. I don't always live in the past, but I sure visit there often. I'm still trying to move forward, but sometimes it's easy for me to get caught up in the past. I try not to hang onto much of the pain, but I am a survivor, and sometimes I do have to go back to some things. Still healing I guess. They are not all painful, many of my visits to the past are happy thoughts too, I visit them more anyway. I was reading Barb's entry today. http://beta.journals.aol.com/barbpinion/BOTHSIDESOFTHECOIN/ It's all about choices. Well here I am 36 years old. and I'm finally getting ready to jump off that building I was so scared of. Ready..... Get Set.......JUMP!