Monday, May 10, 2004

When I was a little boy of maybe 4 all the kids in the neighborhood would climb up on this building and jump from the top onto a trampoline.  They all had so much courage and it looked so fun.  But when I climbed up and looked down, it didn't look so fun.  My dad who didn't like the fact that I was scared, climbed up on the building and decided he would throw me off the building.  It was quite terrifying, it must have been it's one of my first memories, I guess this was my first recollection of having a problem of letting go.  When I did let go I was falling and I didn't land on the trampoline but the springs.  Not too fun!  Seems I've had problems letting go ever since.  I don't always live in the past, but I sure visit there often.  I'm still trying to move forward, but sometimes it's easy for me to get caught up in the past.  I try not to hang onto much of the pain, but I am a survivor, and sometimes I do have to go back to some things.  Still healing I guess.  They are not all painful, many of my visits to the past are happy thoughts too, I visit them more anyway.  I was reading Barb's entry today. http://beta.journals.aol.com/barbpinion/BOTHSIDESOFTHECOIN/  It's all about choices. Well here I am 36 years old.  and I'm finally getting ready to jump off that building I was so scared of.  Ready..... Get Set.......JUMP!

4 comments:

eggneck1 said...

That explains the "getting stuck on the pipe" incident when we were, what 15?!  I'll never forget that.  Here we are, about to "sneak out" for a midnight adventure into "who knows what", and there, at that last obstacle before reaching said "freedom" you decide that you can't climb down the pipe!  I'm standing on the ground trying my best to encourage you (quietly, mind you.... we were supposed t be "sneaking out"), and you wouldn't budge!  But.........if memory serves me correctly, you got passed it, and climbed down.  See there..........you've been "jumping" longer than you give yourself credit!   During the short time we spent together during my last visit, I can tell you have made many successful "jumps" in your life.  A person can't be where you are spiritually without having done so.  
I hope your move is just another success story.  I'm looking forward to hearing about it.

Dave

barbpinion said...

Hey.  First a correction. The entry was not Gloria's but mine, BARB's. Thank you for visiting my journal. "Both Sides Of The Coin. " Like you. I visit the past sometimes. I do it less often but visiting enables me to see how far I've come. Letting go isn't always easy. God will catch us every time though. Please let me know when you do another entry. I missed out because the aol journal alerts is not working properly. I caught this one because I went hunting you down, wanting to see if you had written. I was disappointed to see I'd missed some. Will visit on my own till alert deal works better. God bless you. **Barb**

deveil said...

WOOPS, SORRY ABOUT THAT BARB, SOMETIMES I GET A LITTLE MIXED UP, doing better now.  Hope your doing well.  Dave, I remember that night well, really enjoyed your visit, we need to get together soon.  Speaking of jumping we did plenty of fancy dives jumping from that diving board when we were lifeguards too.

Derek

jojolona said...

SOMETIMES LETTING GO ISN'T WITHOUT REACHING BACK