Friday, April 23, 2004

My dad (Little Ennis)

Have you ever heard the phrase "Your just like your father"?  That was not a phrase I heard much.  If anything we were not a lot alike.  I'm not ashamed of my father.  We were very diffrent.  There was never an easiness between us.  We were never very close, guess we still aren't but I know him.  And yes, I love him.  I was raised in a family where I heard love talk from my mother.  It was always soft, sweet, and gentle.  Dad on the other hand was louder when he talked.  He probably never heard the advice, "Don't ever strike or shout at your children, physical or verbal wounds may scar them forever."  He didn't really wear his feeling on the outside for anyone to see.  He didn't feel he needed to chatter a lot to be heard like me.  Even though we never talked about our feelings when I was  akid and weren't anything alike except maybe our looks.  I always told myself I know he cares about me.  Somehow I've always known that beneath the tough exterior was the most special, loving, and caring father in the world.  After all I did catch him crying every now and then in a episode of "Little House on the Prarie".  So anyway guess I just want to say I do love my dad, even if we've never really shared much how we feel.  He's a lot diffrent now than I remember as a child.   Sometimes I wish I knew him better.  He's still a stranger to me at times, but maybe I'm a stranger to him as well.


barbpinion said...

Some fathers are like your dad- unable to show what they feel. I wish  you knew him better too. It sounds like you are needing to be closer. If you saw him crying while watching "little house on the prairie: it's for sure he has a very caring heart. Thing is..we cannot give away what weve never received ourselves. If your father didn't have a really close relationship with his dad..he would not be able to know how to be there for you. Sad, but true. My mother, bless her heart, never got hugged from her parents or got affection from them. Consequently we children grew up without affection too. I craved it terriblly. My father abandoned us for many years yet when he popped in it was as if he had never gone. I connected to him somehow and he to me. I love his swinging me around and rumpling my hair. Unfortunately he didn't stay long. Guess my missing him is showing a little, right? well he mattered a lot. Your entry just touched off a lot of feelings. Have a good weekend.. **Barb**

onestrangecat said...

I wish you knew your dad better also.

My dad is forever telling me he loves me, but I would rather see actions than his words.  Sometimes it seems words are totally meaningless.

As our parent age I think they all change from what we remember as a child.  Or is it that as adults we see them different?

jojolona said...

I know the feeling.  My mom never had a conversation with me until I was in my twenties.  I haven't had a card or birthday present from her since I was 10. She worked second shirft while I was growing up, it was her way of avoiding being a mom.
Now I wonder if she has regrets.  I do eveything for her buy everything for her.  I show her the love she could never show me.

gbgoglo said...

First, I want you to know that in spiter of your entry being so teeny tiny, I read it and thought it was interesting how you think.  Second, the entry about your brother was very touching and heartfelt.  Third, I belive you hit  chord here with both your mom and dad.  Mine is too complex to go into...which is why I am somewhere between devil or angel.  Catch u later.  Thanx for sharing.  Love and blessings.