Thinking again

I've been thinking today!  What's new.  About my entry the other day about cleaning up and organizing.  I can keep things neat and orderly and under my control in my home.  But the answers to my deepest questions lie somewhere else.  Sometimes fear locks me inside my house.  My incident yesterday I wasn't able to control.  That really bothered me.  Today I'm doing much of what I wanted to do.  I love writing and thinking, and trying to find a way back to my heart.  I so want to know what I am here for.  In many ways I know, but actually doing it, is another thing.  I long for passion, for freedom, for a life lived.  I want to know I have my hand on something that is real.  Going somewhere.  Sometimes I get caught up in what is ahead of me, I have from a young age.  Always  wonderfing what lies ahead.  I want to enjoy what is here now more.  Live more in the present.  I'm not sure I'm capturing everything that I'm feeling.  I'm trying though.  It's important for me to get in words sometimes what I'm feeling.  I think my mind is on overload.  I have felt very happy today.